When I'm Gone
by csiphile
Summary: A double murder and an orphaned boy lead Kate and Gibbs to places they never imagined. KG.
1. Default Chapter

Title: When I'm Gone

Author: Redwing/CSIphile

Category/Rating: K&G/PG-13

Archive: Just ask real nice.

Disclaimer: NCIS and related characters are owned by Donald P Bellasario and CBS. Anyone else is mine. I do not profit off this effort, cause that would be very, very wrong.

Summary: A double murder and an orphaned boy, lead Gibbs and Kate to places they never imagined.

AN: I'm back! Did you miss me? Many thanks for all the wonderful reviews I received or "Sometimes They Come Back", its one of my favorite…until now. This is a crazy long fic, so strap yourself in, it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

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Chapter 1: Discovery

Kate walked in the front door of the house and the first thing she noticed was the heavy scent of blood in the air. In her nearly two years with NCIS she had never _smelled _the blood first, it was a very disconcerting feeling.

They had been called to a double homicide at Norfolk. Lt Commander Jackson Carter and his wife Elizabeth were murdered in their off-base housing; his throat had been cut, she had been battered repeatedly before getting the same deadly treatment. Both bodies had been found by the husband's CO who came looking for the usually punctual Lieutenant after he didn't show for his shift at the armory that morning and didn't answer the phone. He had been greeted by an ugly surprise.

Now Kate was looking at that surprise and understood what the MPs meant when they said it was the worst scene they had seen in years. The Commander was slumped against the far living room wall, a trail of blood on the wall starting from where he was standing when they killed him to his current position. He had bled profusely before death; there was a virtual pool underneath him. Elizabeth was on the couch, her hair now a gruesome red shade, the cushions under her soaked. Both victims had duct tape over their mouths to prevent them from calling for help. Around the room were various blood spatter patterns Kate couldn't make heads or tails of.

_God, these poor people. What they must have gone through. _Kate could almost feel their fear in the last seconds of their lives before someone slit their throats. She shivered internally at the thought.

She must have stood too long because suddenly Gibbs' face came into her view.

"Kate…photos?" His tone was hard, but Kate could see some concern in his eyes.

"Yeah…sorry." She shook her head slightly to clear the thoughts that had been running through it. She didn't know why this scene bothered her so much more than all the others – but it did.

Gibbs gave her a strange look and put a hand out as she started to walk into the living room, pausing her movement.

"I'll have Tony handle it. Why don't you check the rest of the house for evidence?"

For no reason she could determine, Kate nodded passively and picked up her kit, backing out of the room and heading down the long hall to the bedrooms. She couldn't figure out her reaction to the scene, except it was the most gruesome she had ever seen, just the sheer volume of blood found on the walls was enough to creep her out.

And Kate didn't creep out easily.

Sighing, she poked her head in the first door on her right. Bathroom. Nothing looked disturbed, no blood spatter here. She closed the door as a reminder to herself she had checked it already.

The next door was closed and she cautiously opened it to find a linen closet; she briefly looked at the contents and closed the door. Nope.

She turned to the door across the hall to another closed door. Again she opened it slowly, but when lights streamed out of the partially opened door, Kate knew she had a bedroom.

Kate fully opened the door and stopped in her tracks at the sight in front of her.

"This is pretty gruesome, boss," Tony stated and stood up from his position over the Lt Commander.

Gibbs said nothing, merely gave Tony a look as he snapped photographs of the wife's body before Ducky carted her off.

"Where's Kate?"

"She's searching the rest of the house," came Gibbs' always-to-the-point answer.

"Shouldn't Kate be taking…"

"Tony! Sketches….finish them."

Gibbs could sense Tony's confusion at his tone, but he wasn't in the mood to explain the look on Kate's face when she saw the bodies. That look was the reason he had given her the job he would have normally done himself. She looked….shaken, for lack of a better word. And shaken was something Kate Todd never was – at least in his presence.

He snapped another shot of the woman when he heard Kate's voice call his name from the entrance to the living room. His head immediately popped up at her strained tone.

"I think we have a problem," she stated and turned back toward the kitchen where the MPs and Carter's CO were waiting to be interviewed. He followed her quickly, handing the camera to a still confused-looking Tony.

"Where's their son?" he heard her ask as he entered the kitchen.

"According to the CO, Carter mentioned his seven year old son had his very first sleepover last night at a friend's. We are trying to check on it, but no one's home," the larger MP answered.

Gibbs now felt the need to interject. "And no one informed us of this because?"

"We tried to brief you, sir, but you went right into the collection; we didn't want to interrupt."

Gibbs felt his anger boiling. "Are you new here? That is the kind of information we need before we collect. Next time…interrupt!"

"Yes, sir," they responded in unison.

"Find him, and find him yesterday," Gibbs commanded, and they again agreed in unison.

Satisfied, Gibbs turned to Kate and ushered her out of the room. "Any luck?"

"No, I only got to the boy's room…"

"Ok, keep looking."

Kate nodded and headed back into the room, this time thoroughly inspecting the entire space - finding nothing. Just as she was walking out the door, Kate swore she heard a scratching sound coming from above her. Pausing, she looked up, concentrating to hear the sound again. Once more she heard it, whatever it was sounded like something crawling around… bigger than an animal for sure.

Kate sat down her kit and walked into the closet; she had seen an attic entrance in the ceiling during her first look through. Now she stared at the closed door, where a rope hung down just far enough so she could stand on her tiptoes and grab it. She had noticed the chair in the closet earlier, but now with the scratching noise a thought started to form in her head. Just before she pulled the rope Kate got out her cell and called Gibbs.

"Kate, why are you…"

"I heard a noise in the attic, I'm investigating. The entrance is in the boy's closet."

"Not until I get there…." he started but she shut the phone and put it back on her belt, replacing it in her right hand with her sig sauer.

Slowly Kate pulled on the cord, the hinges barely squeaking as it swung open to reveal a set of hideaway stairs. Kate reached up and pulled the stairs down, taking one slow step. Cautiously, and with little noise, Kate climbed the stairs, stopping near the top and pausing. She really should wait for…

"Kate, dammit!" she heard him hiss just as she prepared to peek.

She looked down at him; he was standing at the bottom of the stairs. "Well now you're here, can I look?"

He gave her a chastising look but nodded. "Carefully."

She rolled her eyes and popped her head up quickly and then back down. When nothing came flying at her, she took another full step up, allowing only from her eyes up over the ledge. Scanning left to right, she found her target about halfway.

A small boy sat with his knees up to his chest in the far corner of the attic. Kate couldn't get a really good look at him, since the area was near pitch black. The only illumination was the light following her up the stairs and a small sliver of sunlight coming through a vent in the roof.

Once more she ducked her head down to her boss. "I think the Lt Commander's son is up here. He's in the far west corner, curled into a ball, shaking hard. I think he's in shock. Grab a blanket, would you?"

Turning, Gibbs spied one on the bed and picked it up; it was the fleece kind, with the Washington Redskins logo on the front. Walking to the closet he handed her the blanket. She had been looking around the room for something, what he didn't know exactly.

"Thanks. Doesn't look like he was at the friend's, might want to tell the MPs to stop looking."

Gibbs flashed her a look. "Naw, I'll let them sweat it until you get him out of there."

She rolled her eyes and turned back, keeping her movements smooth and slow. Reaching the top, Kate leaned forward a bit into the attic. She felt Gibbs take a few steps onto the ladder with her, close enough to hear her, but not so far that the boy would see him.

"Jake, honey." She had noticed a wooden plaque with his name on it in the room. "Hi, my name is Kate, I work for the police." She decided to keep it simple for the time being, and shifted slightly, pulling her badge off her belt to show him. "We need to get you out of this dirty attic so I want you to come to me, ok?"

He seemed to consider her words and loosened his position some, allowing her to see his face a bit more clearly. But still he didn't move.

"Come on, Jake. I won't hurt you -- I want to help you. But you gotta help me first and come to me. I'm the good guy, remember?" She made a small 'come here' motion with her hand.

He watched her with his eyes, but still didn't move. Kate sighed internally, she was going have to go up into the attic and fetch him.

"Ok, sweetie. I'm going to come in after you. I'm going to move really slow, and if I'm scaring you, just tell me to stop. Ok?" When he gave no response at all, Kate took that as an assent of sorts. "Alright, Jake. One..." She took a step up, one more and she could pull herself into the low attic. She would have to crawl to get to him, as there was no standing room. "One more and I'm going to come up, ok?" Again he didn't respond and she followed her own direction. "Don't worry, buddy. I won't hurt you," she said as she started to crawl toward him, the blanket clutched in her right hand; she took notice of the logo when Gibbs handed it to her. "So you like the Redskins, huh? I've always been partial to the Patriots myself. Maybe it's the name, I don't know. But I'll watch every game I can. I love that Tom Brady, even if he does dance like a chicken."

That time she got a small smile from him. Kate was nearly at him now, talking as she crawled. "He's a good QB, though his receiving corp doesn't exactly hurt him any. Ol' Joe Gibbs should be good for the Skins this year, don't you think?"

Now she reached him and took a moment in the low light to briefly look over him. He was very dirty, as Kate was sure she was now, but seemed none the worse for wear. Kneeling, Kate took the blanket and slowly wrapped it around him; when he didn't jerk away she pulled him into her body slightly. That's when she noticed the deep wine colored stains on the front of his jersey shirt.

"Jake, are you hurt?" She asked and started inspecting him more thoroughly for wounds.

"Mommy…" he whined.

Instantly she understood: the blood was Elizabeth's. He had seen the bodies, probably went up to his mother and tried to help her. Kate nearly recoiled in horror; this boy might have actually witnessed his own parents' murders.

She tamped down the thought and focused on the task at hand -- convincing a traumatized little boy to move toward the opening-and his own hell. With the limited space, Kate couldn't carry him.

"Jake, I know we just met, but from one football fan to another, I need you to do something for me." He looked at her with wide blue eyes, fear etched into them. "I know you're scared, but I need you to be brave and go with me back into your room." She saw the terror increase ten-fold on his face. "I'll be right behind you, ok? And my friend Gibbs is down there waiting for you too. He's just like me, a police officer."

Jake looked nervously between Kate and the attic access.

"Gibbs…" Kate called softly. "Can you please show Jake here your badge?"

Slowly Gibbs' head appeared and he smiled warmly at the boy. "Hey there, Jake. I'm Gibbs." He pulled out his badge and showed him. "I work with Kate."

Jake looked between the two agents before staring directly into Kate's eyes and nodding slowly.

It wasn't too long after that that Gibbs was helping Jake, then Kate, get down the stairs. The boy immediately went to Kate's side, hiding slightly behind her leg, wrapping the blanket more closely around him. Kate placed one hand on the top of his head.

Kate shrugged at Gibbs and noticed the dust particles come off her; she could only imagine what she looked like.

Keeping her voice low, she spoke. "Did you call the paramedics?"

"Yeah, they are here, ready to look at him."

"Not sure how well that will go over," she muttered and started stroking Jake's hair absently.

Gibbs noticed her reaction to the boy and made a note to watch her carefully; last time she got too close to a victim she nearly got herself blown to hell and back.

Kate kneeled in front of him, continuing to speak in low tones. "Jake, is it ok if the paramedics come and look at you?"

All of a sudden the boy came alive, as if the mention of the paramedics set something off in him. His eyes were wild. "Mommy…I want to see my Mom."

"Jake…"

"I want my Mommy!" he screamed and started to dart past her for the door. Kate was faster though, scooping him up into her arms. "Noooooooo…..Mom! Dad! Heeeelp."

"Jake…" She tried to soothe him, rubbing her hand up and down his back. "Jake…"

He refused to be calmed though and started pounding at Kate on her shoulders. "Let me down, I want my Mommy…..I want to see her!"

Kate looked at Gibbs who had a helpless expression on his face. "Jake, baby. It's ok, it's all going to be ok, but I need you to calm down."

"They hurt them! They hurt them!" With that, all the energy seemed to drain from the boy and he slumped against Kate body, his small body racked with sobs.

With that, Kate met Gibbs' eyes and her stomach dropped three floors. He had most likely seen whatever happened to his parents. And now they knew they were looking for more than one person.

"Paramedics…" Kate mouthed around the boy's head. Gibbs nodded and disappeared down the hall.

"Jake, honey, I'm going to have some paramedics come and look at you. To make sure you're not hurt."

He pulled his head up and looked at her; his eyes looked older than his age. "I wasn't hurt, Kate. My Mom and Dad were -- you gotta help them."

She didn't think this was the best place to get into it so she nodded slowly. "My friends are trying to help your parents, Jake. Did you see what happened to them?"

His voice was quiet and Kate had to strain to hear the 'yes' that came from him.

"Ok, did you see the people who did it?"

This time he just nodded, confirming her suspicions.

"Did they see you?"

He seemed to contemplate that before shrugging his shoulders in an 'I don't know' gesture and placing his head back on her shoulder.

When Gibbs returned with the paramedics he found Kate standing in the middle of the room, rocking slowly back and forth with the boy still in her arms, his head rested on her shoulder, eyes closed.

Gibbs gave the paramedics a 'one second' gesture and approached her slowly, touching her elbow lightly when he got close enough.

She turned to him and there was something in her eyes that caught his attention enough to pause his thoughts. It only took Gibbs a few seconds to find a word for her expression: pain. She was feeling pain for this boy and that concerned him.

"EMT's here."

She nodded and put him down on his bed, talking softly and indicating for the paramedics to come over. The EMTs slowly pushed Kate out of the way during their exam so she watched standing next to Gibbs, who was giving her, what he thought, were surreptitious glances. He was proven wrong, however.

"What?" There was a tint of weariness in her tone.

Gibbs knew better than to play dumb with her. He spoke without taking his eyes off the boy. "You seem to be getting attached."

She turned her head and shot him a nasty look. "He's a 7 year old who just lost his parents, Gibbs. Have a heart."

Now he looked directly at her. "And you need to keep your objectivity."

"Not a problem."

"Keep it that way," he said and turned to leave. "Bag his clothes and bring him in, we need to try and get a statement."

He started out the door and she hissed 'bastard' under her breath.

"I heard that," he called out and disappeared from her sight.

"Good," she said to no one in particular.

tbc……………….and don't forget to vote. Heeeee!


	2. Making a Target

Title: When I'm Gone

Author: Redwing/CSIphile

Summary/Disclaimer/Ect: Its all the same, check the first chapter.

AN: Thank ye for all the lovely reviews for chapter one! As far as readers go, you guys are THE BEST. Please, keep it up…reviews keep me writing…and happy. And happy is very, very good.

AN2: Call it creative license if the psychology is a little off. I'm not exactly a professional here.

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Chapter 2: Making a Target

Gibbs and Tony exited autopsy after getting Ducky's preliminary report-they would get more in a few hours. The Carters' time of death was between midnight and 2 am, the cause appeared to be exsanguinations in both cases due to the slits in their throats. The wife had been beaten repeatedly before death, while the husband was untouched, and the implication of that left both men with a sick feeling.

Tony spoke as they waited for the elevator. "The kid saw the whole thing?"

"Yup, looks that way."

The younger agent seemed to contemplate that. "Kate talking to him?"

"Yup."

"You concerned?"

"Kate's got him under control."

Tony looked at his boss oddly; he had watched that morning as Gibbs kept a close eye on Kate's interactions with their only witness. The look on his face had been one of concern. "I meant…concerned about Kate."

Gibbs' head snapped toward Tony and the elevator dinged, the doors opening. "I want you doing background on the Carters. I want to find that boy's relatives. Everything. Got it?"

He hadn't answered the question, but Tony knew better than to dig. Instead he nodded, sensing this was the end of the conversation, and stepped onto the elevator for a more tense than usual ride.

Now Gibbs checked in with Abby; the lab tech was studying something carefully on the computer when he walked in.

"Anything, Abs?"

"I just started, Gibbs!"

"And…?" he drew out the word.

"And…I've got nothing. A few white cotton fibers, but that's not exactly helpful. No foreign hair or DNA yet. I'm running finger and boot prints Tony collected for exclusion."

He started for the door. "Thanks, Abs."

"No problem, I'll call you," she yelled to his retreating back.

He waved at her and got on the elevator.

After a quick stop at his desk, Gibbs headed to interrogation, walking into the observation room. He wanted to watch Kate for a minute before interrupting them.

She was sitting next to Jake, a colored pencil in one hand, smiling and pointing at something on one of the pieces of paper in front of them. It looked like Kate had torn some sheets out of her sketch book and found Jake some pencils to draw with. The boy seemed relaxed in her presence; though there was still darkness in his eyes that Gibbs noticed when Jake looked up at her.

He watched for several more minutes as Kate put pencil to paper and drew something that got an even bigger smile out of the boy and in turn caused her to smile, too. Gibbs sighed out loud at her actions; he could sense she was getting attached to Jake, moreso than she probably should. He couldn't watch her go through this again, not after the Suzanne McNeill incident, then Ari. Kate's trust in people had taken a serious blow after all that. For a while she seemed to be on uneven ground and it had nearly killed him to see it. He couldn't bear the thought of her being upended by a little boy.

Running a hand over his face, Gibbs headed toward the door - time to check on her progress and worry about it later.

Opening the door into interrogation, he watched with a practiced eye as Jake slid closer to Kate until he recognized it was Gibbs -- at which point he offered the agent a small smile.

"Gibbs," Kate greeted and turned back to Jake. "I'll be right back, ok?"

He nodded and went back to drawing on the paper as Kate got up and walked with Gibbs into the far corner where they spoke – voices low.

"Get anything from him?" Gibbs asked.

"No, every time I mention it he clams up, won't respond to anything for a while. Eventually he comes back, but…it's weird, Gibbs. I don't know what to do here; I think we need a psychiatrist, someone who knows what they are doing."

He nodded in agreement, "I'll find someone." He lowered his voice further. "Does he know they are dead?"

"Yeah, he knows, Gibbs. He just doesn't want to talk about it." Her voice was tight.

"He's all we have, Kate -- see what you can do until I get someone from Quantico."

"Ok," she said and turned back, but was stopped by Gibbs gently grabbing her upper arm.

She looked at him confused. "What?"

He was poised to say it, to admit he was worried about her, but something stopped him. "Do your best."

She looked at him strangely. "Yeah, I will."

Releasing her, she walked back to Jake, making oohing and aaahing noises about something he had drawn. Gibbs walked past, keeping an eye on them. She looked up at him as he neared the door and gave him a grim look. He nodded and went in search of a qualified professional for the job at hand.

Two Hours Later

Observation Room

Gibbs watched as Kate slowly chewed on one end of her left index fingernail, her eyes straight ahead, watching as the Quantico-provided psychiatrist spoke to Jake, trying to get him to talk.

They had just started and from minute one, it hadn't gone well. Jake had protested Kate's leaving the room, but the doctor had insisted - she wanted to gauge his behavior without Kate around. The woman had been trying her hardest for the better part of 15 minutes to even get the most mundane information out of Jake; she hadn't even gotten to anything about last night's events. In the meantime, Gibbs was watching as Kate's agitation level increased as the boy retreated farther into himself; she now had her hands folded across her chest, one hand at her mouth. Mimicking her actions in his own way, Jake had gone from short sentence answers, to one-word answers to not even speaking.

As if sensing her own behavior, Kate suddenly uncrossed her arms and shook them out, walking away from the window then back in a small circle, repeating the motion.

"Kate, stop," he said as she completed her 11th circle. Even out of the corner of his eye she was making him nauseous.

"I can't help it. He's…."

"He's with a professional, Kate. One you asked for," he pointed out and she responded with a nasty look.

"I know -- I just didn't expect him to do that. He was fine with me….sorta. He at least talked!"

"Kate, you can't always be with him." He was gentle with his tone, trying to ease her into the idea. Her attachment to Jake had progressed further than he expected in a short time. He was hesitant to categorize it as maternal instinct -- it was so easy an answer -- but this sure as hell looked like it.

"I know….I know." She paused in front of the window and stared intently. He knew that stare; she had used it on him more than once. "It's just…I don't think she's helping, Gibbs. I don't."

Gibbs turned from looking at her and looked at the boy with a similar scrutiny. He was sitting in the chair, arms crossed over his chest, staring at the two-way mirror with hollow eyes. He had to agree with her: Dr Barren was trying, but with little success. As if sensing their eyes on her, the doctor looked up and shrugged. She told Jake she would be back, and left the room, appearing a moment later in the observation area.

She walked to the window and stood next to the two agents, who were looking at her.

"He's very closed off. Not surprising given the events of last night. He won't communicate at all with me, which I think is his way of not dealing with it; if he isn't forced to talk about it, it didn't happen. Since he won't even speak to me, I can't even attempt to get anything from him." Now the woman turned and looked at Kate. "He seems to have made a connection with you though, if earlier was any indication. I would like you to go back into the room so I can observe him with you. Try and ease him into remembering the night before."

Kate nodded and left the room, and in short order, she reappeared.

Gibbs watched with interest as the boy lit up as she walked in and ran over to her, wrapping his small arms around her waist and saying her name. Gibbs turned up the volume slightly on the intercom.

"Kate! Kate!" he cried and buried his face into her stomach. "Don't leave again, ok?"

"I won't…I won't," she soothed and guided him back to the table.

Gibbs looked at Dr Barren. "Is that normal? He was near catatonic when you were around."

She sighed and nodded. "It can happen, Jake has decided he can trust Kate, and based on what you told me about her going into the attic, I can see why. She was the first kind person he saw after a traumatic event, and has emotionally latched onto her. She may be the only way to get what you need out of that boy's head."

Gibbs nodded, somewhat disturbed by this. He really didn't want a reason to keep Kate and the boy together; it would only make things worse for his agent.

"Ok, Jake," he heard her say through the speaker. "Want me to show you something fun? I can draw people."

"Cool!" he exclaimed and watched as she carefully plotted out a face, the grin on his face getting bigger as he realized she was drawing him. A mighty good replica at that.

A few minutes later, Kate handed him the drawing, it was rough, but still very good. Jake seemed thrilled to find out this new fact about his friend.

"What else can you draw?"

"Anything you want."

"How about my Mom?" he asked quietly, his change in demeanor swift and so unexpected Kate didn't answer for a moment. Then she saw an opportunity.

"Sure, but I'll need you to help me."

"Help?"

"Yeah, I don't know what your Mom looked like, so you need to describe her for me." Again she plotted out the x and y axis on the paper.

In the observation room, Gibbs whispered "good girl", which earned him a look from Barren. He felt no need to explain himself; he was sure the psychiatrist had clued into what Kate was doing, giving the boy a lesson in remembering faces using his mother's so when they needed a sketch of the suspect it would be a familiar process.

He turned back to see Kate sketching lightly and Jake pointing. "Her nose was smaller…sorta shaped like that dog you know."

"A pug nose?" she asked.

"Yeah! That's it."

She laughed lightly, but erased whatever she had done and put pencil to paper again. This time, the nose must have come out perfectly because the boy nodded.

Gibbs watched for thirty minutes as Kate guided Jake through the process; it was pretty easy since he was remembering his Mom. Later it would be much harder to recall a murderer. Finally satisfied, Kate pulled the paper off the tablet, allowing Gibbs and Barren a look at her work.

"She's very good," the woman commented.

"Yes, she is," he said without taking his eyes off the woman in question.

"Have you found family?"

"Not yet. We are working on it." The last time Gibbs checked with DiNozzo he had found no family members for the slain parents. Her parents were dead along with his father. Lt Carter's mother was in a nursing home, unable to care for herself. Neither had siblings, which was making the search nearly impossible. Lt Carter had never filed a will with the military so his and his wife's wishes were unknown to this point. Gibbs hoped Tony found something and quick -- they couldn't keep him at NCIS forever. And he didn't think that foster care would help any.

"Can I keep it?" he asked quietly.

"Sure," Kate responded and handed him the paper with his mother's face on it. "Now I need you to help me, Jake."

He merely looked at her and Kate's heart broke. He knew what she wanted.

"Jake, I need you to tell me what happened. I want to find the people who killed your parents, and you are the only person who can help."

As before, he immediately clammed up, shaking his head.

Kate was frustrated a moment, unsure if she should press the issue or let it go. She figured she couldn't make him less talkative and elected for the former.

"Jake…" She paused. "Ok, let's start with something easy. Why didn't you go to your sleepover?"

He turned and looked at her, and she could see him contemplating answering her. "I did go. For a little, but…" he stopped and looked at her guiltily.

"But what? It's ok."

"I wanted to come home…I missed my Mom."

She placed one hand on his back and rubbed lightly. "That's ok, Jake. I don't think I made it through my first sleepover either. So who came and got you?"

"My Dad."

"Good, you're doing fine. Do you remember what time it was when you got home?"

He thought a moment. "The news was on, the one my Mom liked. With the funny weather guy."

Kate made a note on a piece of scratch paper -- channel six had a weather guy that some would consider amusing and they ran their newscasts at 11 pm. The weather usually came on around 15 minutes after they started.

"Did you go straight to bed?"

"Yeah, Dad made me."

"You're doing so well, Jake. I'm very proud of you." Kate gave him a genuine smile. "It's going to get a little harder though, are you ok with that?"

Through the glass, the doctor smiled slightly. "She's good at this…better than she thought."

"She was a trained profiler," he answered absently, staring at Kate and Jake.

"Really? Well, I think Agent Todd is really your best option."

Gibbs turned to her and pursed his lips, voicing the question that plagued him. "If we can't find anyone to take him….he's got to go into the system. Can he handle that?"

"Professional opinion is that he needs to be in a stable environment with someone he knows or else there is risk of damaging him emotionally. And losing whatever information he has if you can't get it now. But I don't see how you have a choice."

"Oh, there's a choice," he said and stared at Kate through the glass, knowing what her reaction would be. She would offer to take him. "And that's what I was afraid of."

The doctor looked at him steadily now. "She would be a logical choice to watch him, and I suspect she would do it in a second. It would be good for your case, but I'm not sure the damage it would do to Jake. He's fragile; getting attached to Kate and then removed down the line might be detrimental. At the same time, kids are resilient -- they bounce back sometimes better than adults. It's hard to judge with the limited time I spent with him." She paused. "Your other problem is Agent Todd. I don't know her well enough, but based on her actions here, she is already getting attached. I think you know that as well." He nodded. "Then you need to decide, if it comes down to it, if she can handle it."

Again, he nodded. Gibbs was sure he knew how this was going to end and hoped like hell Tony was able to find someone to take Jake.

Jake looked at her, terrified, and shook his head no. Kate sighed but nodded; she had broken in at least a little bit. She would have to try again later.

"I need to go for a few minutes, ok? I'll be back."

He nodded and picked up a pencil, drawing random shapes on the paper as she left.

"Nothing? You still can't find anyone?" she asked after Gibbs briefed her on Tony's lack of findings.

"Nope. Both parents were only children and there's no will. No friends have come forward either. Apparently the Carters mostly kept to themselves, they were pretty new on base. Still checking."

She looked through the window. "How could they not have a will?"

He shrugged. "There isn't one we can find. Tony went back to the house and looked through papers and service jackets. Nothing."

"Damn." She looked down a moment, before turning her attention back to him. "We can't put him in foster care, we'd never get anything after that."

"The doctor here agrees," he said and motioned toward Barren who had been quiet up to that point.

"He needs to be with someone he trusts, and in foster care that won't happen," Barren said.

Kate spun to look at Gibbs, who spoke before she could, but he was prepared for this. "Kate, I know what you are going to say. And let me say right now that while I think it's best for Jake and getting a statement, I'm hesitant about you taking him home."

"Why?" Her tone was sharp.

Gibbs looked at the psychiatrist. "Could you give us a moment?"

"Of course."

The two agents were silent while she left but as soon as the door closed, Kate exploded.

"Do you think I am incapable of handling a seven year old?"

"Relax. No, that's not it at all, Kate. You are probably the only person who can help him remember."

"Then what's the problem here, Gibbs?" She stood with her arms crossed across her chest in a defensive gesture.

He paused a moment, unsure how to handle this. He and Kate had grown a lot closer in the last year; slowly she had worked her way into his existence, carving out a little section of his life all for herself. He never doubted her instincts for a second, and they trusted either other with their physical lives, but this was something different. This was admitting he was worried for her on an emotional level. That was a line that had not been crossed aloud before.

"Well?" she asked impatiently.

He rubbed his forehead with his fingertips. "Look, Kate. You know I trust you, but I'm just concerned that you are getting…attached to him"

She blinked several times. "Of course I'm getting attached, Gibbs. How could you not? He's got no one left in this world, but I would never let that cloud my judgment."

"I'm not worried about your judgment." And he wasn't, Gibbs had faith she could do what was best.

"Ok, what then?"

She wasn't just going to let it go, and he wasn't surprised. "I don't want to see you hurt by this."

She smiled at him, finally understanding, and put one hand on his forearm. "I won't be, I promise."

"I'm concerned it's already too late, Kate."

"It's not. You say you trust my judgment, then trust me to know when…I'm close to too late."

_Damn her, using his own words against him. _"Fine, but if I think you're getting too invested…"

She waved her hands in surrender. "Then you can place him with family services."

"Deal." Gibbs looked back through the window. "I sure hope you can get something. This was professional Kate -- I can feel it. And professional means little evidence."

She nodded. "I'm going to stick with him the rest of the day, see what I can do. Maybe see if he can remember a family member. Something."

Just then Gibbs' phone rang; he picked it up and had a brief conversation with Ducky.

"Autopsies are completed; I'm going to head down with Tony. You want to stay here?"

Kate looked torn for a moment, then suddenly her face looked steely. "I want to find out what those bastards did to them. Hang on."

With a determined air about her, Kate went back into the interview room and spoke in low tones to Jake, smiling as she finished.

Gibbs walked into the hall and met her as she closed the door. She spoke before he could even ask. "He's fine alone for a while, but I'm going to have a agent stand outside the door until I get back."

Gibbs nodded and they headed downstairs.

Autopsy

"It was as I expected: the slash in the throat is left to right on both victims. You're looking for a right handed person."

"Only 80 of the population, Duck. What else?"

The coroner didn't even looked disturbed at Gibbs' tone. "The bruising on Mrs. Carter is significantly worse than I originally thought." He walked to the light screens. "She has two broken ribs on the left side and one fractured collarbone. They really beat her badly, Jethro. Other than that I've got nothing else. No fibers, no trace. Nothing, I'm sorry."

"Ok, thanks, Ducky," Gibbs said. This was old news to him, but Kate stood silent, her face a slightly whiter shade than it was before.

"They beat her to make him do something, or say something," Kate said quietly.

"That's what it looks like. What a horrible way to die…" Ducky commented.

"They wanted something…." Gibbs murmured as Tony came bursting through the door; he immediately looked up and fixed a stare at the younger man. "Where have you been, DiNozzo?"

"You have to see this, boss," Tony said, slightly out of breath and he raced to the recently installed small TV Ducky had in the corner of the room, quickly switching channels to a local newscast.

_"Reports on the murders are the couple's 7 year old son, whose name has not been released, was in the home at the time of the attack. He was taken by federal agents to an undisclosed location…"_

"Ohhh, shit."

"Who leaked that! I want their ass on a platter!" Kate and Gibbs yelled simultaneously.

Tony just shrugged. "There were reporters at the scene, boss -- they might have seen him. Or talked to neighbors. Might not have been a leak."

"Goddamn media. They just made that boy a target."

tbc…………………….


	3. Getting Away With Murder

Title: When I'm Gone

Author: Redwing/csiphile

All the boring stuff is on the first chapter.

AN: Thank you again for the lovely reviews, they make me giggly happy. People are starting to stare at the giggling, but I don't care. Much. Please continue, I love to hear what you think.

AN2: I must apologize for taking so long between posts, normally I dont do this, but I got that nasty cold/flu thing going around and havent had the energy to edit the sucker. But its better now...so please, review. Pretty please?

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Chapter 3: Getting Away With Murder

The three of them stared at each other, in a daze.

"He's safer with me than child services." Kate started.

"I know…I know."

"They didn't say NCIS, the suspects might not know where to start looking."

Gibbs looked at her. "Unless they are military, too."

Kate looked at the clock and then returned her gaze to Gibbs. "Look, I'm going to grab Jake and head home. Maybe I can get something from him there."

Gibbs nodded and she quickly left, leaving the three men alone.

"Is it wise to let Caitlin take him, Gibbs?" Ducky asked. "What if they do find him?"

Gibbs merely stared at the coroner and picked up his phone, making a call.

Todd Apartment

8 PM

Kate had managed to feed and shower Jake and put him in a pair of his own PJs. Kate had a junior agent run to his house and pack a few items that would be needed while she spoke to Jake about his arrangements.

Jake had been more than happy to accompany Kate home and had slowly looked around for the first 30 minutes. As everyone did, he noticed the picture of Kate and the president and commented that it was cool.

She had managed to get a little more information about his family. Apparently the Carters lived in their own world, no real family or close friends. She had avoided the topic of the murders, but as they sat on her couch watching _Finding Nemo_, she tried once more, this time jumping right in.

"Jake, can you remember the faces of the men who came into your house last night?"

He didn't look from the TV, but nodded slowly.

"How many were there?"

"Two."

She sighed. "Did you see them come in or go out?" Kate framed her question to avoid the actual murders.

"Come in." Now he turned to her. "I heard noises on the porch and looked out the window."

"You could see them in the dark?"

"Dad put in one of those halogen lights. It was really bright."

Kate slowly nodded, debating her next move; she was sure if she brought up the actual murder he would shut down again.

"Remember earlier at my work when I drew your mom?" He nodded. "It would be a really big help if we could do that again, but this time I want you to remember the men's faces, right there on your porch. Can you do that?"

He seemed to contemplate that, looking at Kate intently. "It'll help find them, right?"

"Yes, it will."

Again he seemed to be thinking, then nodded slowly, fear slowly working its way across his face.

Kate was quick to reassure him. "I won't let them hurt you, Jake. You trust me, right?"

"Yeah."

"Good," she said and got up, grabbing her sketchbook.

This time, it was difficult; describing someone you only saw once was hard enough for an adult, much less a child. But at this point, a good approximation of a sketch was better than nothing. For now they focused on one of the men -- she didn't want to push him too hard.

For nearly an hour they went through the same process as before. If Jake got stuck on a feature, Kate would pull out a photo album and ask him to find something similar. She was careful to keep Jake focused on them on the porch, not in the house.

Finally Kate put the final touches on the sketch and turned the page around. She knew they had at least one of their men when Jake paled and shrunk away from her.

Quickly, she closed the book and pulled him into her lap, smoothing his hair down.

"Its ok, buddy. It's all right. My friends and I are going to get the bad guys, I promise."

He didn't acknowledge her, curling further against her chest, and wrapping his small arms around her. She looked at the clock; it was well past what she figured an appropriate bedtime for a seven year old was. Regardless, she leaned into the couch and let him hold onto her for another thirty minutes; by then it was getting close to her bedtime.

"Jake, it's bedtime…"

He didn't move.

"Jake, come on…remember we talked about this. You're going to come with me to work again tomorrow and stay with the other kids in the day care center for a few days. Since it's summer, there will be boys your age to play with."

"Can you come with me?"

"For a little while, but then I have to work. To find those bad guys." Again, he nodded. "Good, go brush your teeth, get in bed, and I'll be right in."

Slowly he got off her lap and walked into the bathroom. Kate heard the water turn on and grabbed her cell phone, pressing speed 1.

"Gibbs." The gruff voice came across the line.

"Hey, I got a sketch of one of them. I'll bring it into Abby in the morning."

"Good, how's he doing?"

Kate turned her head and looked down the hall; she couldn't hear water anymore. "I'm really not sure. He still doesn't really want to talk about it, I'm lucky I got what I did."

"Nice job, Kate. Tomorrow we'll have to…."

Gibbs voice tuned out as she heard a car door close on the street. She'd heard it a million times before, but for some reason this time it sent the hackles up on the back of her neck. In one fluid, and practiced, motion, she grabbed her gun from the end table and moved toward the window, standing to the side to avoid being seen.

Slowly she peaked out the drapes and saw a non-descript SUV parked across the street from her apartment. Pulling back, she waited a few seconds, and then moved the drapes once more with the business end of her gun, keeping it pointed in the car's direction.

She watched carefully and noticed two men sitting in the car; it only took her a second to recognize one of them.

By now, Gibbs had stopped talking, noticing that Kate was no longer listening, and was calling her name in a strained tone.

"Kate? Kate…"

"Gibbs! God dammit!"

"What?"

"Did you put Munson and that idiot partner of his on me?"

"Yup."

Kate pulled away from the window and gave an exasperated face at the man who couldn't see her. "Did it occur to you to tell me that? I could have shot them!"

"I'm assuming you didn't." His voice was calm.

"Of course not."

"Then there's not a problem."

For a second Kate wondered if it was possible for her boss to be that dense, but then the reasoning behind his actions hit her. "Do you seriously think the killers will find him?"

It seemed to take Gibbs an eternity to answer. "I didn't want to take that chance. With either of you."

That gave her pause and she finally lowered her gun. "Next time…just warn me."

He said nothing.

"Look, I'll see you in the morning, ok?"

"Yeah, you are bringing him in?"

"I don't have a choice. I can't sit home all day and baby-sit. He's staying with Charlene in the daycare. He seemed wary about it, but agreed after we talked about it. He wants us to find them, Gibbs."

"We will." His tone was soft. "You're doing a good thing, Kate. Just be careful."

With that he hung up the phone, leaving Kate surprised. Putting the gun on her hip, she closed the phone and headed toward her extra bedroom. Opening the door, she found Jake fast asleep, curled into a small ball near the edge of the bed. This didn't surprise her; the boy probably hadn't slept in nearly 24 hours.

She left the door cracked open just a little and crossed to her room, quickly changing. She placed her gun and cell on the night table. As she crawled into bed, she stared at the phone.

_"I didn't want to take that chance. With either of you."_

It hadn't even really been the words; it was Gibbs' tone. It was something she was hearing more frequently from him lately. That added to that the increasing frequency they worked together, and the other small comments and touches, and Kate was beginning to wonder about her boss' feelings toward her. It had all started nine months ago – after the incident at the farm with Ari.

There had been something in Gibbs' eyes when he arrived and saw her safe and alive. Relief for sure, but mixed with something else she couldn't identify. He had walked over to her as Ari was taken by the FBI, and with one look at her split lip she saw fury in his eyes.

_"He didn't do it, Gibbs."_

_"He brought you here, it's the same thing."_

Kate had managed to talk him down, though apparently not enough, and she had heard through the grapevine that he had shot the Israeli in autopsy that night. A not small portion of Kate wondered if the shooting was for her; if Gibbs was getting vengeance for her kidnapping.

Since then Gibbs had been…odd around her. Not in a bad way, not by any stretch. He had always been willing to listen to her theories, but now he seemed to take more of a stake in them, encouraging her to use her profiling training more. And it wasn't just the work behavior. She noticed he stood closer to her now (something she was getting very used to), and sometimes when he stared at her, Kate could have sworn he was looking at her soul. Now she knew why Gibbs could stare a suspect into confession; she would do anything when he focused that intense gaze on her.

Kate could admit a healthy dose of attraction toward the older man. He wasn't exactly hard to look at by any means, and despite his gruff exterior, she could see the soft-hearted man underneath -- it was an alluring combination.

Curling onto one side, Kate tried to put the thoughts of Gibbs out of her head and sleep, and succeeded-far better than she had hoped.

_She was trapped; the two men had chased her into the far corner of an unfamiliar house, and there was nowhere else to go. It was pitch black, she couldn't see much, but through the dark she heard their breathing. Two of them, close…way too close for comfort._

_Suddenly, moonlight filtered into the room, and she looked around desperately for a way out. Nothing, there was nothing…the room appeared to be a large living room, with the only window behind the men now slowly walking to her. It was completely empty, not a weapon to be found._

_Weapon._

_Shit! She grabbed at her waist, looking for her ever-present gun, but finding nothing at all…again. Kate couldn't figure out why she was unarmed and true panic surged through her; she knew the men's intentions, she could sense them. They were here to kill her and take the boy. No, unacceptable. Kate looked at her pursuers -- they were impossibly close now and she could see their faces. One she knew from a drawing…the other was an old foe she had never hoped to see again. _

_"No!" she screamed as hands reached out and pulled her from the wall she had been pressed against. "Let me go!" Kate struggled mightily, putting all her effort into it, but they were bigger than her, and stronger. They easily pushed her to the ground, on her knees, in the middle of the room. _

_"God, no…" she whispered, and she thought of Jake, having no idea where he was or if he was safe._

_Kate felt cold steel pressed against the base of her skull and she swallowed. In her dream, she was aware of Gibbs, like she should be concerned, or at least curious about his location. At the thought of him, though, intense sorrow permeated her soul; it felt like the death of a loved one. But she had no recollection of him being killed…still, somehow, on some level she knew, though…knew these men who had found her had done the same to him._

_She heard the safety being removed and closed her eyes, whispering, "Gibbs…"_

She sat up straight in bed and looked around wide-eyed a moment, her pupils needing several moments to adjust. Kate could feel the sweat on her back, sticking her tank top to her heated skin.

"Jesus," she muttered and looked at the clock: it was 3 am. Kate wiped some sweat from her forehead and got out of bed; she wasn't going back to sleep just yet after that dream.

As she stretched her tense muscles, a scream permeated the apartment, and Kate bolted from her room across the hall to find that Jake had apparently had his own nightmare. He hadn't woken up, though. As she stepped into the room, she could see from the nightlight that Jake was thrashing on the bed, his small body twisting the sheets violently.

Kate moved swiftly to the bed and sat on the edge, reaching one hand out to wake him.

"Jake…"

At her touch, he let out a gasp and opened his eyes.

"Mommy…" he initially called out before looking directly at her. Jake's face fell at the sight of her and Kate's heart nearly stopped at his pained expression. "Kate," he whispered.

She didn't say anything, just pulled him in close to her side, placing a light kiss on the top of his head, tears springing to her own eyes. She could only imagine what his nightmare had been.

NCIS HQ

Next Morning

"Kate," Tony said by way of greeting as she walked to her desk.

"Tony," she replied half-heartedly. She was exhausted; after Jake's nightmare Kate had spent the rest of the night sitting up on his bed, dozing in and out, never falling deep enough to dream.

Then this morning had been emotionally draining on her. Jake hadn't wanted her to leave and it had taken nearly an hour of talking to get him calm enough so she could. Kate had Charlene promise to call her at the smallest problem. It had concerned Kate to leave him a mere day after losing his parents but Charlene had spoken to her at length, saying the center was well equipped to deal with children who lost parents. It had happened before given the nature of their work.

Despite that, Kate still had a knot in her stomach; she knew he would be safe there, but it didn't stop her from worrying.

As Kate sunk into her chair and started sorting messages, Gibbs appeared and silently dropped a cup of coffee on her desk on his way to his.

She looked up and smiled her thanks. "I have the sketch, but we need something to compare it to. The military database is too huge to search -- it would take weeks without narrowing the criteria."

"Sketch?" Tony asked from his desk and looked at them, confused.

"Kate managed to get a sketch of one of the men from our witness last night," Gibbs stated.

"Nice," the younger agent commented. "How is he doing?"

Tony seemed genuinely interested, even he had been affected by Jake's situation. "Ok I guess, for someone who watched his parents be killed."

Tony just nodded while Gibbs looked at her with a strange expression.

"Tony, relatives?"

"Nothing, boss. I have a call into his old base, but it's weird, no one will actually answer a question. I keep getting passed off."

"Anything in his jacket that would hint toward motive? Problems with discipline, didn't play nice with others? Financial motive?"

Tony got up and stood between the other agents' desks, twirling a pen.

Tony shook his head. "Upstanding officer, a couple commendations. Nothing stands out, he was never a discipline problem. Financials are also clear, no sudden expenditures or influx of cash to suggest something unsavory."

Now Gibbs looked annoyed. "So you are telling me that we have no motive?"

"Sorry, boss."

"Sorry doesn't cut it, DiNozzo…dig deeper, there has to be something."

Tony ventured a glance at Kate. "I'll keep digging."

Gibbs turned to her. "You start on the wife, maybe he wasn't the target. I'll have Abby run the sketch through Jackson's old units. If they knew the killers, that would explain no evidence of a break-in."

They both nodded and delved deeper into the Carters' lives, unaware that the answer would soon be coming to them.

An hour later, the phone on Gibbs' desk rang; he looked at it and swiftly picked up. Director Morrow was on the line. Kate immediately tuned into his conversation when she heard him say "Director".

"Yes, sir….no. I didn't realize. Yes, sir. Uh huh…."

He hung up and turned to Kate and Tony. "You can stop your digging. Apparently Tony's earlier search got the higher-ups' attention and the Navy is sending someone."

"They are coming to us?" Tony asked.

"Yup," Gibbs responded.

"That's interesting."

"Very. Seems that not everything was in the Commander's file."

"Even MORE interesting," Tony said and smirked.

"Oh, yeah."

Kate looked down at her phone as it chirped and muttered, "I know, I hear you." She had been in the day care checking on Jake when Gibbs had called her announcing the Navy's arrival. She had a short conversation with Charlene before practically running out the door and heading to Director Morrow's office.

She was three quarters of the way there when Gibbs had used the alert feature on the phone, letting her know they were waiting for her. Kate stepped up her pace slightly, getting more than one glance from people in the hall as she sped by.

Finally arriving at the bullpen, she climbed the stairs and took a moment at the door to collect herself before opening it.

Inside were Gibbs and Tony standing along one wall, and the two naval officers sitting in chairs across from the director, who was at his desk.

Kate slid in and stood by Gibbs who gave her an inscrutable expression and whispered in her ear, "Captains Beach and Keller." She nodded and Gibbs pulled away from her.

"Now that everyone is here, how about you guys explain why you are so interested in our investigation," Gibbs asked, his voice terse already. Kate didn't have much hope for this meeting going well.

The two Captains turned and looked at Gibbs, each with the same unreadable expression.

"Lt Commander Carter was scheduled to testify next month in a treason case against two former unit mates who were selling government technology to the highest bidder." Beach stated.

The three NCIS officers looked at each other in disbelief.

"I'm sorry, you had a major government witness at Norfolk and didn't bother to notify us?" Morrow questioned, a displeased expression on his face.

"We were keeping his presence here under tight wraps -- no one knew except our office," Keller said, his tone slightly defensive.

"And the killers," Gibbs said with annoyance.

Both the Captains had the grace to look chagrined. "Agent DiNozzo's search alerted us that something had gone wrong. Director Morrow informed us of the deaths. It's a serious blow to our case, because without Carter, we've got nothing. They did everything by phone, no paper trail, nothing we can find anyway. Carter caught them one day and alerted the Navy. We shut down the operation, but what they were selling…it's classified and would mean a death sentence to the men in custody."

"There's your motive, boss," Tony commented.

"I'll say." He pinned the Captains with a glare. "You moved them to Norfolk and what? Hoped no one would notice?"

Captain Keller bristled slightly. "We wanted to put the Carters in protective custody, but he refused. The Lt Commander didn't want to be forced into hiding for doing the right thing."

Kate finally spoke. "Can't say I blame him."

"We received intelligence last night the Carters were in danger, but before we could confirm it, they were dead."

"How did they find them?"

"That we don't know," Morgan answered. " Lts Jacobs and Martin had to have arranged this from prison. We are working that now."

Director Morrow spoke next. "I think we need to co-operate here, since it's really in the best interest of finding our suspects and closing this case. Captains, your office can work the Jacobs and Martin angle, connect them to our hit men, which we'll work on finding . I'll speak with your director. All information is to be shared immediately."

The two men looked at each other and nodded. As they stood, Gibbs pulled out Kate's sketch.

"Before you run off, recognize this guy?"

They both looked and shared a glance, but Keller spoke. "Yes, we do. Name's James Mason. Former SEAL, he was an original suspect in the treason case, but we couldn't prove it. He disappeared after we let him go. Carter never witnessed him making a transaction, but we had our suspicions. Where did you get this? You have a witness?"

"We do…the Commander's son," Gibbs answered.

"He's alive?" Beach asked.

"Very much so," Kate stated. "Don't you watch the news? Half of DC and Virginia knows he's survived." Her voice was bitter now.

"It leaked to the media?" Keller didn't look pleased.

"Reporter saw him and broadcast before we realized they knew."

They looked at each other before turning to Director Morrow. "He's a target and should be in protective custody. We can take him."

For a second, Kate had a moment of panic, and stiffened her body, which Gibbs noticed.

"I don't think so. He's been traumatized, won't talk to anyone except Agent Todd." The men turned slowly in unison to look at her.

"He's watched the murder of a government witness, so he should be with us."

Kate spoke up now. "He's safe, has round-the-clock protection…"

"He's in danger."

"As much as his parents," Gibbs said, and the meaning was clear. They couldn't protect the Carters, so NCIS wasn't trusting them with their son. "He will stay with us, we'll share any information he might reveal."

"Which isn't much," Kate continued. "He won't speak about the attacks to anyone. Look, he's a traumatized little boy, do you really want to make it worse by putting him with strangers?"

"He's with people he doesn't know now, Agent."

The three agents looked at each other, each unsure how to explain the situation. Finally Gibbs took the lead. "Agent Todd may be a stranger, but he trusts her and has limited discussions with her. We aren't removing him from her custody."

Now they looked shocked. "You have an untrained NCIS agent watching him? Are you kidding?"

Kate opened her mouth to speak, but Gibbs beat her to it. "Agent Todd is a very capable agent who used to protect the President. I think she is uniquely qualified for this."

The Captains looked equally frustrated. "We have therapists who can help him remember and deal with the trauma," Keller finally said.

"We had a Quantico psychiatrist here…" Gibbs paused. "Look, bottom line is we have him and we are starting to get somewhere. You want to take him away, possibly set back any progress we may have made, and slow down the investigation? Be my guest."

He could sense Kate's eyes on him, wondering what the hell he was doing, but Gibbs kept his eyes straight on the Captains, daring them. He could see the instant they realized he was right.

Captain Beach looked at him, resigned. "Fine, fine. You keep him, but we get daily status updates."

"Fine."

"Can we at least see him?" Keller asked. "We failed his parents -- I'd like to make sure he's ok."

"He's far from ok," Kate said and locked eyes with Keller.

Gibbs gave her a sharp glance then looked to the Director who nodded slightly. "Agreed. Can we contact someone in your office to get the file on James Mason?"

"Yes," Beach said and pulled out a card. "Call my secretary, Sharon. I'll let her know to release anything you need."

"Good. Could you please give us a minute and then Agent Todd and I will escort you."

They nodded and stepped into the hall. Gibbs instantly turned to Tony, handing over the card. "Get everything and start calling people. Find out where he hung out, who his friends were. I don't think he's leaving the area just yet, since James didn't finish the job. Find him."

"I'm all over it, boss," he said and left the room, quickly followed by Kate and Gibbs who picked up the Captains and indicated for them to follow.

Kate and Gibbs walked in front, the two men behind them. For a while they were all silent before Captain Beach spoke.

"Where did you find him? In the house, I mean."

Kate answered. "He was hiding in the attic, I found him on the walkthrough. He was traumatized, wouldn't come down without some sweet talking."

Beach seemed to consider that. "That's why he trusts you."

"Yeah, that's what the psychologist from Quantico said, too."

"So you've had someone talk to him."

"Talk might be overstating the matter…" Gibbs started.

"He wouldn't actually speak," Kate finished.

Keller looked at her. "Except to you."

"Yeah, except to me," she said as they approached the day care.

It was one large room covered in colorful paint and drawings with several smaller rooms with age-appropriate games and entertainment for the older kids who generally only stayed during the summer months when school was out. The wall that faced the hall was actually several large windows, and that's where the group stopped.

"You have him at daycare?" Keller asked.

"He's safer here than anywhere. No one gets into this facility without clearance and no one knows he is here except my team and the day care director. He is registered under a fake name as a precaution," Gibbs stated matter-of-factly, while Kate looked for Jake.

It didn't take her long to spot him in one of the smaller areas, playing a video game by himself, and she pointed him out to the Captains. She signed internally, Kate had hoped being with boys his own age – which there were plenty of – would help pull him out of his self-imposed exile. It didn't seem that was the case.

Without even looking at them, she stepped through the door and was greeted by Charlene. Gibbs watched the two of them converse for a moment before Kate strode across the room. Before she made it halfway though, Jake noticed her and got up, running over to her. Gibbs smiled inside at the sight of Kate bent at the knees, speaking to him, running her hands through his hair and smiling. She was good at this, and for one second, the image of Kate with her own child flit through his mind. It was a beautiful picture, and Gibbs knew she would make an excellent mother one day.

He could admit a little bit of jealousy thinking about another man fathering her children, but he filed it away in a box in his head where he put all his not-professional thoughts about her. The problem was that the contents of the box were threatening to overflow and force themselves out into his consciousness. And Gibbs knew if that happened, he would be done, unable to resist her in any sense.

Gibbs returned his focus back to Jake as the boy ran across the area to a locker and pulled several pieces of paper off the shelf, running back to her and handing them over. Kate took them, then said something that caused the boy's face to go from excited to heartbroken in an instant.

She nodded at him and smiled, which caused a ghost of one to appear on his, and she stood up, walking back to the door and appearing in the hall. She turned and they all watched as he went back to his own area, not speaking to any of the other children.

Kate sighed and continued to look through the glass. "Charlene said he's having a hard time. Won't play with or speak to the other kids unless he has to. He only talks to her if he needs something. But it's only been one day, maybe he'll warm up after a few more. I don't know."

Gibbs looked at her, his heart breaking. "Kate, you're doing your best."

"I want to do more, Gibbs," she muttered and turned to the pictures, flipping through them slowly. The three men watched as the pictures went from that of a happy family and moved somewhat darker as they went on.

Kate flipped to the last picture and nearly dropped the stack. On the bright orange paper, in vivid Crayola colors, was a drawing of the murder scene.

tbc…………….


	4. Vermillion

Title: When I'm Gone

Author: Redwing/csiphile

AN: Finally we get to the meat of the plotline, the good stuff as it were. Enjoy!

Im posting this at the same time as Chapter 3 because I feel guilty for going so long without. That doesnt mean you can slack on reviews....keep em up!

Last chapter title was a song..."Getting Away With Murder" by Papa Roach. This chapter is also another song...can you guess the artist?

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Chapter 4: Vermillion

"Yeah, tomorrow at 2 is fine. See you then." Kate hung up the phone and looked back down at the paper in her hand. His drawing had been grisly in detail, his father hunched against the wall, blood pooling at the floor, dripping from the slice across his neck. Elizabeth was depicted in the exact spot she was found. It inspired Kate to call the Quantico psychologist and make an appointment to speak with her about what she should do.

"She going to see you?" Gibbs asked.

"Yeah, Dr. Barren squeezed me in for thirty minutes at 2 tomorrow. Is that ok?"

"Fine."

She nodded and put the picture away for the moment.

Gibbs looked at her a moment and took in the sad expression on her face. He trusted her to tell him when it was too much for her, but right now Gibbs wasn't sure she would recognize when that happened. His train of thought was broken when she lifted one hand, pushed hair behind her shoulder and started kneading her neck muscle in a slow steady pace.

Gibbs watched as her fingers dug into the tan skin, and for one second he wished it was his fingers rubbing the stress away. _No, Gibbs. Enough of this, she's your co-worker, your friend, and completely off-limits, _he told himself yet again. It was becoming a recurring mantra of his, a way of keeping himself sane - even as she let out a low groan as her fingers dug into her skin. He was so focused on her and his thoughts that he nearly missed Tony's arrival, only managing to tear his eyes from Kate a second before the younger man came to his desk.

"What have you got?" Gibbs asked, his brain quickly switching gears.

"Not much. Seems that after the charges were dropped, James Mason disappeared off the planet. His family hasn't heard from him, and I followed a trail of friends that ended 3 months ago in Langley. After that, nothing. I'm betting his buddy Jacobs contacted him, asked for a favor, and he disappears -- only popping up again to kill the Carters."

Gibbs nodded and looked at Kate, who had turned her attention to their conversation. "We need to ID his accomplice."

She nodded. "I'll try tonight."

Gibbs looked at his watch -- it was already 5 pm. "Ok, you get out of here. Take him home and see what you can do. Tony and I are going to dig farther into Jacob and Martin's backgrounds, see if we can find anything."

"Ok." She quickly stood up and gathered her things. Gibbs watched her until she disappeared down the hall before turning back to Tony.

"Pull their jackets, we'll make a list of people to talk to in the morning," he said and started to pick up the phone to call for their prison records.

"She ok, boss?"

Gibbs paused his actions. "She's fine," he finally stated simply and stared at Tony, who hadn't moved and was staring at him with a peculiar expression. "Files, DiNozzo."

Finally the younger agent walked back to his desk. Gibbs glanced at Kate's empty one and sighed; he wasn't sure if Kate was actually fine or not.

Todd Apartment

8 pm

Kate sat on the couch, feet curled beneath her, as she watched Jake color in a book on the coffee table. She had tried earlier to get another sketch from him, but he couldn't picture the other killer as well as the first. Number two had been standing behind Mason, in his shadow. Jake had done his best, but in the end, they wound up with a completely unusable picture that could have been anyone, including Gibbs or Tony.

Reaching behind her, Kate pulled her bag over the couch and reached in, grabbing the drawings he had made for her earlier. Keeping one eye on him, she flipped through again, stopping at the gruesome crime scene done in crayons. It was a disturbing image still.

"Jake…" she called but he pretended to ignore her. She pursed her lips and uncurled herself, moving to the floor next to him. "Jake, we need to talk."

"'Bout what?" he asked and completed the red in a fire engine, his hand going for the brown color. She paused him with a gentle hand on his.

"About this," she said and showed him the picture in her hand.

"I don't wanna."

"I know you don't, Jake. But we need to," she paused, contemplating. "Remember how we drew the bad guys?" He nodded, still not looking directly at her. "We did that to help find your parents, and you know what, it was a HUGE help, Jake. I know this is hard, buddy, but you trust me, right?"

"Yes," his small voice told her he knew what she wanted from him.

"I need you to tell me what happened that night…after your Dad put you to bed. How you got into the attic… when you went into the living room." With that, she pointed at the picture.

He shook his head. "I don't wanna, Kate."

She softened her tone. "I know you don't, but Jake, you might know something that finds the people who did this."

He looked at her with sad eyes and Kate nearly gave up, not wanting to hurt him further. But he started talking instead, keeping his eyes focused on the picture in front of him. "I woke up when the dog next door started barking -- he always does that when people walk by the house. It sounded like they were real close, so I got up and looked. That's when I saw them, they just…opened the door."

She looked surprised; there was no evidence of lock picking. "Did it look like they had a key?"

"I dunno. But as soon as they came in, I heard my Dad shouting from the living room. I got up and peeked through the door, Mom was walking from her room…" He paused. "Toward the yelling. I ran and hid in my closet."

Kate considered his words. "How loud were they, Jake? Do you think the neighbors could hear?"

"I don't think so, 'cause they were doing that quiet yelling, you know?"

She smiled; Gibbs had quiet yelling down to an art. "Yeah, I know. When did you come out of your room?"

He shrugged. "After I got in the closet I didn't hear screaming anymore -- mostly just talking, moving around and thumping noises. Then I didn't hear anything for what seemed like forever." He stopped talking, his face turning ashen. "That's when I went into the living room," he whispered.

Kate scooted closer to him on the floor. "What did you see?"

He shook his head and pointed at the picture; it was apparent he was done talking, which worked out fine 'cause a sudden knock on the door had Kate jumping in her skin.

"God dammit," she muttered, stood and turned to Jake. "You stay here."

He nodded and she moved to the door, picking her Sig up off the table as she went. Without making a sound, she looked out the peep hole, unlocked the door and opened it to reveal Gibbs.

Kate merely stood in the door, one eyebrow raised, surprised by her boss's appearance.

"Kate," he said by way of greeting and indicated her apartment. "Can I come in?"

"Sure, of course." She stepped out of the way and noticed the pleased expression on his face when he realized she had her gun. Kate closed and locked the door and turned back to find that Gibbs had moved into the living room and was staring at Jake.

"You and Tony find anything?" she asked and breezed by him, setting the weapon back on the end table.

"We have a list of people to talk to tomorrow. You get anything?"

Kate looked at Jake and indicated with her head for them to move into the corner of the room where the boy couldn't hear them talking. Kate stood against the wall, Gibbs by the window in front of her.

"Yeah, actually," she started and quickly relayed what Jake had told her. "He still won't talk about seeing them, but I can't blame him."

"Nothing on the second guy?"

She shook her head. "Nothing. Apparently he stayed in the shadows." She stepped over to the coffee table and picked up a sketch. "This is what we got."

Gibbs scrunched his face as he looked. "This could be DiNozzo."

She smiled. "Yeah."

"Ok, tomorrow we are back on interviews."

Kate started to nod when the hair on the back of her neck stood on end. Something wasn't right, she could feel an uneasiness in the pit of her stomach. And for one second, she thought they had been found. But there was no way.

And then she saw the red dot appear on Gibbs shirt, right above his heart.

Moving faster than she ever had in her life, Kate pushed off the wall and threw herself into her boss, sending them both unceremoniously crashing to the hardwood floor, Kate's landing softened by his body.

Gibbs didn't have time to question her actions because a second after she pushed him he heard the window break and the bullet wiz by his ear before being dropped painfully to the floor.

Kate quickly gathered herself and got up, running across the living room toward Jake, who was cowering under the table. Just as she reached him and bent down she felt another bullet pass dangerously close to her head – she could feel the heat - and heard Gibbs call her name.

"Kate! MOVE!"

She gathered Jake into her arms and started toward the front door, but not before their attackers gave up the subtle approach and started to riddle the apartment with bullets. They were coming so fast the first thought that came to mind was they had an H and K -- she recognized the noise from her Service training.

As she came around the couch heading for the front door, Gibbs met her and pushed her the other direction, down her hall.

"Bathroom," he yelled over the noise and she complied, running the short distance with Jake wrapped around her upper body. As she got into the small room, however, Kate noticed that Gibbs was not behind her. Putting Jake down, she stuck her head out the door.

No Gibbs.

And flung the door shut, sitting on the floor in front of it.

He threw open her apartment door, gun raised and bolted down the stairs and out her apartment building. The two FBI agents who had replaced the NCIS officers to watch over them were already out of the car, one on the phone, the other running over a small embankment.

By now the gunfire had stopped.

Gibbs looked at the one on the phone as he paused briefly. "Stay with them."

He then quickly followed the other agent and found the targets as he came over the rise. Two men were running in the other direction, but suddenly they split and ran in different directions. The FBI agent took one and Gibbs bolted after the other.

He forced as much into his legs as he could and found himself gaining on the suspect as they got to a road. The suspect bolted into traffic and Gibbs gave chase.

"Freeze!" he screamed as a horn honked at them both. "God dammit," he muttered to himself and thanked God he still ran 7 miles a day. Gibbs followed him into an alley and instantly knew he had the suspect trapped; there was no out.

Slowly Gibbs entered and could see the suspect at the end, the semi-auto slack at his side.

"Don't…move," Gibbs hissed.

Almost instantly the man raised the gun and Gibbs instinctively double tapped him in the chest.

"Shit!" he yelled and walked down the alley, finding a dead man at the end-not Mason. But he did bear a resemblance to the sketch Jake had done. Gibbs kicked his gun away and made a call.

Kate sat on the floor of her bathroom for what seemed like forever, frustrated that she had left both her cell and gun in the living room.

After several minutes the apartment seemed silent; the gunfire had long since stopped. Jake was curled into her side, and she could feel him shaking.

"It's ok, everything is all right now -- I promise," she whispered. "You ok?"

He nodded and she gave him a quick once over as best she could with his head buried in her abdomen.

Kate counted to five minutes slowly and pulled Jake away slightly. "Buddy, I need to check, ok?"

"Don't…" he started.

"It's ok, they are gone -- I just want to make sure."

Now he looked up at her and his eyes widened. "Kate, you're bleeding."

"What?" she asked and lifted one hand to where he was pointing on her forehead. Pulling it away, she saw blood on her fingers. It wasn't a lot and it was sticky, starting to congeal. "It's fine, little scratch." That's when she realized that bullet she thought missed her almost didn't.

Swallowing, Kate pushed the thought out of her head.

She stood slowly and moved Jake to the far end of the room. "You stay right here."

He nodded and she slowly opened the door, peeking down the hall. Kate could see her phone sitting on the coffee table, her gun a few feet away where she left it. Quietly Kate slid through the door, her bare feet making almost no noise on the hardwood. Keeping on the balls of her feet to minimize noise, she pushed her back against the wall and moved into the living room.

Her very demolished living room. Bullet holes marred a good portion of her furniture, lamps were broken, the stuffing from one of the cushions now spilling out. Kate looked at her still-open door and scooted across, snatching up her gun.

As she picked up the phone, she became aware of a figure in the periphery of her vision. Starting, she pulled up the weapon and found herself pointing it at one of the FBI agents.

"Agent Todd…" he started.

"Jesus, you scared me."

"Sorry about that, ma'am."

She gave him a small glare for the term. "You get them?"

"Agent Mowers and Agent Gibbs went after them. Gibbs killed his man, Mowers escaped."

"Fabulous," she muttered.

Suddenly the agent walked into her living room and started pulling the curtains on all her windows.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"What I was told, ma'am."

"Stop calling me that."

He merely nodded and continued to close the apartment off.

Kate took one look at the damage and walked back down the hall, opening the bathroom door fully.

Jake was in the exact same position as before, but pounced as soon as he saw her, clinging to her waist.

"They're gone, it's ok. Come on…" Easily she picked him up on one hip and re-entered the living room.

Before she could attempt to put him down, she heard two familiar male voices in the hall. Turning, she saw Gibbs and Agent Fornell enter her apartment, the latter of which surveyed the damage and closed the door behind him.

"Someone seriously wanted you dead."

"You think?" she snarked back and spoke softly into Jake's ear. He shook his head and she sighed. "I'll be right back." She pinned the agent who had been closing her drapes with a glare. "You…come with me."

Gibbs watched as the agent looked confused a moment, but complied, following her and Jake down the hall. Several minutes later, she reappeared without the boy or agent, and Gibbs got a good look at her. The whole time he had been on the phone with the Director earlier he had been second guessing his choice to leave them, wondering if something had happened in his absence to both her and Jake. Gibbs always had a soft spot for kids, perhaps a result of never having one himself, and he certainly had a soft spot for his female agent. When he saw the blood on her forehead, Gibbs resisted some male instinct to go to her and make sure she was ok.

Kate stared at the two men. "So, I hear one of your agents let a bad guy get away."

Gibbs resisted laughing and watched as annoyance flashed across Fornell's face. "Well, thanks to that Agent Todd, you, Agent Gibbs and the boy are being placed in protective custody."

"What?" Came the simultaneous replies from Kate and Gibbs.

Fornell looked at them with a self-satisfied smirk - he had one-upped the agents - before pointing at Kate. "You and the child never made it out of this apartment, both killed by an unknown assailant. NCIS will be looking diligently into your deaths." Now he looked at Gibbs. "And you were killed in an alley by one of said unknown assailants, but not before taking him out first."

"I don't think so…" Kate started.

"You don't have a choice, Agent."

"Like hell!"

"You aren't being _given_ a choice, your Director has already approved the action and the US Marshals have been called. They will be at a safe house - where you will be - in the morning with your papers."

"Gibbs…" she looked at him desperately.

Gibbs was about to use his phone when Fornell pulled out his. "Use mine -- you're dead, remember?"

"Not for long," he hissed and dialed the number without even looking down.

Kate watched with diminishing hope as Gibbs spoke, too many 'yes, sirs' coming from him. Gibbs hung up the phone and gave Kate a look that said he didn't have good news.

"For now we are being taking into custody. Pack a light bag, only what wouldn't be missed, same for Jake, and go with Fornell. Morrow is going to meet with us in the morning, hopefully we will get this all straightened out."

"Unbelievable," she muttered and walked down the hall.

tbc………………..


	5. I Dont Want To Be

Title: When I'm Gone

I think you know all the other info by now…right?

AN: Well, now the plot twist has been revealed….bwhahahahaha. Hope you like it Please keep up the reviews, pretty please? They make me ever so happy.

Go to the person that figured out the artist of "Vermillion" is by Slipknot! Virtual cookie for you! This weeks aint easy either.

* * *

Chapter 5: I Don't Want To Be 

They had been shuttled out of the apartment in the dead of night through a service entrance and relocated to a secure safe house in Virginia. Thankfully one of the FBI agents went to Gibbs' house and, under the guise of investigating, also packed him a light bag.

Kate had been too tired to even argue about the situation and fell into a fitful sleep in her assigned room. Jake refused to leave her side and was sleeping in the bed with her. Gibbs was across the hall, one FBI agent was upstairs with them, and two were downstairs watching the door.

_Gunfire. It was disorienting…she could hear it, it was all around her, but she couldn't move, frozen in place against the wall._

_Kate watched in horror as a large red bloom exploded on Gibbs' chest in front of her, expanding outward as he fell to the floor in a heap._

_"Gibbs!" she screamed, but couldn't move, she was frozen to the spot. _

_That's when she noticed Jake sitting quietly at the table, drawing, apparently oblivious to the commotion going on around him._

_"Jake!" she screamed, pulling at her legs, but they wouldn't move, couldn't move. "JAKE! Run, baby."_

_The boy ignored her and picked up another crayon._

_"Jake!" she screamed again, but it sounded like she was underwater, her voice hollow, her vision also seemed like she was under the water, everything slightly blurry. Still she couldn't move._

_Suddenly, Jake slumped over like Gibbs had and Kate let out a blood-curdling scream…._

"Kate!" Gibbs yelled and shook her body. "Kate!"

He was about to do something more drastic when she suddenly opened her eyes and sat straight up, coming face to face with him as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"Hey," he said lowly.

She looked around, disorientated for a moment, clutching one hand to her chest.

"Gibbs…" she whispered.

"I'm right here."

She looked around fervently. "Jake…"

"Here," a small voice called from near the now-opened door. The FBI agent was in the doorway, but silently slipped away.

"Oh, thank God."

Gibbs stroked one of her arms slowly, noting the thin sheen of sweat. "You ok?"

"Yeah, bad dream. I'm fine."

His eyes locked on hers for a moment and they just stared, something passing between them. Something electric, she could literally feel it.

She snapped herself away from the gaze and looked at Jake. "Did I scare you?"

He nodded slowly and approached the bed, crawling on with her again. "But that's ok, we all have bad dreams."

She smiled. "Yes, we do."

Jake looked at Gibbs in the near dark. "Do you have nightmares too, Agent Gibbs?"

That pulled him back to a dream not so long ago that ended with Kate dead. "I do sometimes."

"See…nothing to be scared about," Jake said and gave Kate a small smile.

"You are a very smart boy," Gibbs said and stood. "Let's get back to sleep."

Kate merely nodded and watched him walk out of the bedroom, but before he closed the door, Gibbs turned back and gave her a small smile of comfort.

She slept without dreams the rest of the night.

Safe House

7 AM, Tuesday

Kate woke and stretched her small frame in the bed, careful not to bump the still sleeping child next to her. Getting up, she pulled on a pair of jeans and long sleeved shirt, placed her hair in a ponytail, and headed downstairs, closing the door behind her.

Coming down the stairs Kate noticed the US Marshals were already there along with the Director. Gibbs was also up, sitting ramrod-straight in the chair – the position Kate recognized as his not happy pose.

_Crap, I'm going to end up in protective custody, _she thought and moved into the room, somewhat annoyed she wasn't woken for this discussion. Gibbs gave her a look that spoke volumes about whatever had happened in her absence and she sat in the quiet room. No one had spoke since she entered.

"Well, since everyone is here, I'll introduce myself." The Marshal was nearly 6 feet, stocky but not fat by any stretch; Kate could tell through his designer navy blue suit he was all muscle. His hair was a clean-cut buzz, but his demeanor didn't announce government or military in anyway. "I am Marshal Timothy Adams, this is Marshal Todd Harrington, we will be in charge of your case from here on in."

Kate put a hand up, interrupting the man. "I'm sorry, but I don't think we ARE a case, we don't need protection."

"That little boy is, ma'am, and you both are in danger. The Navy asked us to take over and since you are all technically civilians, we can bury you so far your mother would never find you."

"I don't want to be buried..."

The agent stared her dead on. "Most people feel that way, but in your case, your Director and the military feel it's in your best interest to disappear until the men who tried to kill you are found. This is most likely not a permanent situation."

She turned to her boss. "Gibbs…"

The other man leaned on his thighs, looking at her much the same as the Marshal did, but with a softer expression. "Kate, I think...I don't think we have a option. You don't have all the facts."

"Facts? What facts?" She looked at Gibbs and the Marshal. "What is going on?"

"Overnight, we ran a check on the man who Agent Gibbs killed. Your hired assassin showed up on a list of known terrorists. It's possible that whatever Jacobs and Martin were into, it's more serious then we initially thought, and now someone considers all of you a threat."

Kate looked at Gibbs who nodded. "You have got to be kidding me."

"Kate, it's the best option we have right now. You want to get Jake killed?"

"I can protect him, Gibbs, now that I know…"

"With all due respect to your Secret Service background, ma'am…"

"Stop calling me ma'am."

He nodded. "With all due respect, Agent Todd, we believe you, Agent Gibbs and Jake are better off in our custody until this is resolved."

"I can't…."

"The news today will carry the story we carefully spun about all your deaths. It will be absolutely believable, since the only people who have seen you since the shooting are FBI and trusted. As soon as we found out what happened, we put a lockdown on local involvement."

Now she looked at Director Morrow. "Sir…"

"I'm sorry, Agent Todd, but in this case I believe the FBI is right: based on the potential terrorist threat, you and Agent Gibbs need to be protected. They probably believe the boy told you everything he knows."

She buried her head in her hands. "I don't believe this."

Agent Adams leaned over and picked up a file. "These are your new identities. The Director and Agent Gibbs insisted you be placed together." He handed one file each to Kate and Gibbs. "You are now John Mitchell and his wife Katherine. You have moved to New York City because of Johns work -- he is an independent security consultant in town to evaluate and replace current systems of several wall street companies. Kate, you are a housewife and home school your only son, Josh."

Gibbs saw Kate roll her eyes at that and knew she would not do well as a housewife at all. She would go insane.

"We will be escorting you to another safe house later today. From there you will drive yourself to the address listed in the file. For now we want to you read and memorize those dossiers; start practicing calling each other by your new names. Agent Todd's will be easier, as Katherine can be shortened to Kate. You will want to make sure that Jake understands how important it is never to use your real names, and never divulge any information. If you like, we can have a counselor at the next house to talk to him."

Kate shook her head. "No, I'll do it. What if Agent DiNozzo finds his relatives?"

"Then they will be told the same story as everyone else: he died while in NCIS protection, and there was nothing that could have been done." He paused. "Deputy Harrington and I will be back in five hours, so be ready to go."

They both nodded silently, and the Marshals left with a curt goodbye.

"God, Jenna must be freaking out right now."

Gibbs looked at her oddly for a second before getting it. "Your sister."

"Yeah."

The practically silent Director finally spoke. "The only people at NCIS who know you are not dead are myself and Agent DiNozzo; he will be assisting the FBI with the investigation. But right now I need a debrief of last night. Everything, Agents."

Safe House, Unknown Location

10 am

At some point during their debriefing, Jake had woken up and come down looking for Kate. She pulled him into the kitchen – having already given her statement – and explained the situation as best she could.

"Are you ok with this, Jake?"

He stared into his cereal bowl. "You'll be there?"

"Yep."

Still he didn't look up and she leaned against the counter next to him. "And Agent Gibbs?"

"Yeah. It's for your own protection, you understand that, right?"

"Yours, too." He took another bite of Cheerios. "It's ok, Kate."

"Good," she said and started to walk away.

"Kate…" he called out and she stopped at the door. "Thank you for trying."

The comment surprised her; he acted more like an adult sometimes than a kid. "Trying what, Jake?"

"To help find the men who hurt my parents."

"Jake…"

"There was so much blood."

Slowly, Kate moved back into the kitchen but said nothing.

"I tried to help her, I really did, but she wouldn't wake up, Kate." His voice started to crack and tears finally flowed down his face. "I wanted to help, but I was so scared. I didn't help my Mom."

Kate sat on the bar stool next to Jake and pulled him into her lap, tears starting to form in her own eyes; she hurt for this boy who had suffered so much already. "It's ok, baby. You did your best."

He started crying openly and buried his face into her shoulder. "I ran away, I hid in the attic, I couldn't help her."

After wiping her own cheeks, Kate started stroking his hair slowly, rocking back and forth. "You did the smart thing, Jake. Trust me, your parents don't blame you."

He didn't seem to acknowledge her words, just continued crying. Kate dropped a light kiss onto his head and rested her cheek in his soft hair, trying to hold back more of her own tears. She had become so attached to him already that it might kill her to let him go. Not so long ago, Kate had mentioned to Tony that she thought about having kids someday. Her career had always come first, which at the time was fine with her, and she was happy, if sometimes a little unfulfilled, with an empty personal life.

Protecting this boy had brought out Kate's maternal instinct in spades, and already she feared she was past that point she had promised to warn Gibbs about. But it was too late now: for however long it would be, she would be his pretend mother and Kate was sure that would only make it worse. She wrapped her arms around him a little more tightly and closed her eyes.

Gibbs walked into the kitchen and stopped in his tracks. Kate was sitting on one of the bar stools near the island, Jake wrapped in her arms, her back to him. He walked to them and stepped around, so he could face her; she opened her eyes and in that second, he knew it was too late.

Her eyes were rimmed with red and he could see the tracks from tears on her cheeks. But it was her expression that really socked Gibbs in the gut. She looked…emotionally spent.

"Gibbs," she said and pulled her head up, using one hand to wipe at her eyes again. "I'm sorry. I'll come out and we can finish the debrief."

"It's done, you're fine."

"Oh…" She didn't know what else to say.

They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, until Jake's body pulled away from hers and he gave Gibbs a small smile.

"Go shower and get dressed, we'll be leaving again soon," she said.

He nodded and hopped off her lap with Kate's help. Once she was relieved of his weight, Kate stood up and picked up his bowl, walking it over to the sink as Gibbs watched silently. She was rinsing it out as she finally spoke.

"I don't want to hear it, Gibbs."

"I didn't say anything, Kate."

Now she turned and dropped the bowl; it made a clattering sound as it hit the bottom of the sink. "No, but you're thinking it. I got too close; I did what I promised I wouldn't. I…didn't mean to, it just happened."

He took a step closer to her, still not speaking, allowing Kate to get it out.

"He tried to help them, Gibbs. He went into that living room and failed and he feels guilty as hell about it. He's _seven, _Gibbs -- it shouldn't be like this. It shouldn't be like this for him. I should have been able to protect him, not land us in Witness Protection. I should have hid him better. Maybe not even taken him, he would have been better off with the Navy."

He closed the gap between them and reached out one hand, placing it on her shoulder. "No, Kate. He was better off with you. We wouldn't have gotten that sketch without you and instead of being in Witness Protection, he might be dead. Do not blame yourself, you did your job."

"Yeah, well, it wasn't enough, was it?"

"It was plenty. That boy feels safe around you Kate -- that's something."

She looked at him. "What happened to that bastard of a boss I used to have?"

"He's softened up a little. Are you complaining?"

"Not in the least."

"Good." He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her body into his, giving her a brief hug. "Come on, let's get ready for the next part of the trip, Mrs. Mitchell."

She froze as she pulled away from him. "Wow, that's weird."

"Tell me about it," he muttered.

Getting a mischievous glint in her eye, Kate looked her boss dead on. "So does this technically make me wife number four?"

He gave her a scathing look, but behind it she saw the amusement. "That's not funny."

"Oh, yes it is." She threw over her shoulder as she walked out of the kitchen.

They were ready to go when Deputy Harrington and Adams returned in an SUV with tinted windows. The three got into the car and the nearly-hour drive was done in mostly silence; the only noise was Kate and Gibbs flipping pages of the dossiers.

When they arrived at the next house they were surprised to find several people waiting for them. They were given a rundown of the procedures of protection, most of which they already knew: a map, two cell phones, bank account numbers, plus keys to the car and a townhouse in Manhattan they were expected to move into by the next day.

Additionally, each was handed a wedding ring, both the perfect size. Kate's rings were large -- at least a carat and a half -- solitaire diamond in white gold, and wedding band with 5 more diamonds. Gibbs' was a simple ring in the same white gold, no gems added.

Deputy Harrington looked at them carefully. "I would suggest you both change your appearance slightly. Agent Todd you would be best served cutting and coloring your hair. Agent Gibbs, you have a distinctive rather military hairstyle, which I suggest you change as well before getting to New York. We have set up bank accounts with your names on them." He pulled out two credit cards. "Use them."

They both nodded.

"This is as far as we can go with you, but if you don't arrive in New York, we will know. Occasionally we may need to contact you, especially if the situation is resolved. Someone will call you on your new cell phones, or contact you in person. If someone does contact you claiming to be from the marshals ask for the password. Your code name is Philadelphia, which is also the password."

"As in the town?" Kate asked.

"As in the submarine, ma'am."

Kate and Gibbs shared a small conspiratorial smile.

"If you don't have any further questions?"

"No, I think we are all set," Gibbs said.

"Good luck, Agents," Deputy Harrington said, stepping out with his partner, loading into a sedan and driving away -- leaving Kate and Gibbs to sort out the mess.

They looked at each other a second, each unsure about the future. It was an awkward situation at best.

Kate looked down at the credit card in her handed then back at Gibbs. "I don't know about you, but I'm not planning on wearing these clothes forever. I think we need to find the closest mall."

He rolled his eyes, but agreed. "It will be a good test."

She nodded. "Where's the phone book?"

Two hours later, Gibbs found himself in the one place he never pictured he'd be: the last bastion of suburbia, the shopping mall. This was a newer one though; the architecture was sleek and airy. It wasn't as bad as he expected, but maybe the company had something to do with it.

Kate had decided to go shopping for Jake first and they had promptly hit the department stores, picking up everything he needed and dropping the bags back in the car. She surveyed the two men with him; Gibbs still needed to get some items and she was sure he didn't want her around. Quickly she spun an idea.

"John, why don't you take Josh and get yourself whatever you need. I'll do what I need to."

He nodded at her. "Let's meet back here in two hours?" he asked tentatively, honestly having no clue how long this would take her.

Kate knelt in front of Jake. "You gonna be ok with…Dad?" The words felt strange.

"Yeah," he said and moved a little closer to Gibbs.

"We'll be fine, Kate. Do what you need to."

She looked at them nervously a moment; she trusted Gibbs with their lives, but this was the first time she was trusting Jake's care to someone besides herself.

Gibbs noticed her unease and leaned into her, one hand now grasping Jake's. "We'll be fine, you have your phone."

"Yeah, ok. See you soon." She started to walk away, but Gibbs' voice stopped her.

"Katie…" She turned and looked at him, a little surprised by his use of Katie; she had only heard it once before, what seemed like a lifetime ago. "Be careful."

"I will." With that, she waved and headed to the lower level.

Two hours later, Gibbs was back, with several shopping bags in tow, and one tired seven year old. Jake had started out enthusiastic, but as the hours waned, he lost some of the energy and was sitting next to Gibbs on a bench, rather sedate.

Several minutes passed and with every one, a knot started to form in his stomach; he never knew Kate to be anything but prompt. Gibbs looked at his watch: 15 minutes past -- not long by any stretch, but considering their situation, it was a lifetime.

"Kate, where the hell are you?" he whispered.

As 20 minutes passed, he picked up the phone and started dialing, only to have his motions frozen by a familiar voice.

"I'm right here. Sorry, it took longer than I expected."

He looked up and Gibbs' heart nearly stopped in his chest.

_Oh, no. No. God help me._

_She's a redhead._

Kate had apparently taken the Marshals suggestion and changed her hair. She had several inches cut off, and it now came to just above her shoulders. It flipped out some and she had her bangs cut shorter. But the biggest change was the color; Gibbs had always noticed a slight red tint to her hair in the sun, but now…now she was a deep auburn shade, noticeable even in the mall lighting.

_You're screwed. Hopelessly screwed. _The internal voice in his head told him.

"Wow, Kate."

"Kate!" Jake squealed in delight. "Your hair! Its beautiful."

She leaned down. "Thank you, but remember, you can't call me that."

He looked chagrined. "Sorry."

She smiled and ruffled his hair. "It's ok, just try and remember."

He nodded and she stood, coming face to face with Gibbs. "I didn't want red, but I can't be blonde."

"It's lovely, Kate -- it suits you."

"Thank you."

"Ready?"

"Yeah, let's go," she said as he opened the exit door for her and Jake. "How long of a drive do we have to New York?"

"About three hours, and I'd rather get there in the middle of night, less people around to notice."

"Good idea."

He looked at his watch. "It's nearly 6 now. Let's pack up, eat and head out around 9."

She nodded and they walked across the parking lot, Jake in between them.

"Does this feel weird to you?" she asked as they approached the car.

"Very. I don't think it's really sunk in yet, though. Right now I'm just focused on keeping you and…Josh alive."

"I'm sorry you got pulled into this Gibbs…John. I shouldn't have…If you hadn't come to my apartment last night you wouldn't be stuck with us for…who knows."

They got to the car and Gibbs opened the door for them. He shut Jake's first, and leaned into her before closing hers. "Who said I was stuck?"

She gave him a surprised look and he closed the door.

11:00 PM

"Kate…" he called softly in the dark car. When she didn't immediately respond, he reached one hand out and shook her lightly. That got her attention and she startled awake.

"Gibbs."

"John."

"Whatever. What's wrong?"

He smiled at her. "Nothing, we are on I-78, so it's not much longer now. I need you to help me navigate through the city."

"Ok, no problem," she said and sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and grabbing the carefully laid out directions.

She turned in her seat and looked at the boy sitting behind Gibbs: he was sound asleep, his pillow pressed against the window.

"How long has he been sleeping?"

"Almost as long as you." His tone held amusement.

"Sorry, it was a long day."

He reached out and touched her hand, which was resting on her thigh. "I know."

She lowered her head and starting reading the directions. Gibbs took the hint and removed his hand, focusing on the road instead.

With the Marshal's directions they were at the brownstone in under 45 minutes. It was located in Manhattan, in one of the more expensive ends of town. The two-story building was a middle unit in a section of about a dozen other similar homes. Gibbs had been right -- no one was out in this area at the hour, but he had gone in ahead of her and checked to make sure everything looked safe in the house.

Once he came back out, he picked up a drowsy Jake and carried him up to his room, followed by Kate. She took a moment to look at the room; it was furnished, but didn't have much personality in it for a boy. She would have to do something about that with all her free time. Kate made sure he was all tucked in – he was already dressed in PJs – and walked into the hall with Gibbs, leaving his door opened just a crack.

Gibbs looked at her. "You take the bedroom, there's a couch in the office I can use."

"Gibbs…" she started but was cut off by his hand.

"That's the way it is, Kate."

"Fine, fine."

She walked downstairs with Gibbs not too far behind her, and inspected the layout. It was rather simple: the front door opened into a large foyer area that opened into an even larger living room on the right side of the stairs she had just descended. Behind the living room was a half-wall that led into the dining room and kitchen. All the rooms were furnished, and the living room even had a large screen TV Kate wasn't sure Gibbs would use. She sure as hell would though.

Following the semi-hall next to the stairs she entered the kitchen. Mahogany cabinets with beautiful dark green granite countertops had a striking contrast to the gray-green tile floor. In the center of the room was an island that was nearly the size of her dining room table at home. To the left was a landing and stairs leading down to the basement; to the right, an exterior door. Kate pulled off the chain, and opened it to a small backyard, but she couldn't see well because of the lack of light.

Closing the door, she turned back to find Gibbs searching the kitchen cabinets.

"What are you looking for?"

"Coffee."

"Gibbs! It's past midnight."

He stopped looking and turned to her. "You tired?"

She pursed her lips and started looking through the cabinets closest to her. "Not in the least."

He smirked and turned back, letting out a noise of accomplishment. "Found it."

Ten minutes later she was sitting at the island, with Gibbs across from her, both slowly drinking coffee.

"Ok, now it's sunk in," he said.

She looked around the kitchen. "Yeah, it really has. This is our life now, Gibbs: a three bedroom one and a half bath brownstone 400 miles from home. And a seven year old. I've never felt so unprepared in my life."

"Kate, you'll be fine. It's going to take some adjusting, but we can handle it."

She looked at him with an inscrutable expression. "You don't get it. I'm going to be home all day being a mother to him. I don't know how to do that, I really don't."

Gibbs was surprised to see a look of panic cover her face. "Kate, relax."

"Are you kidding…relax? We don't know how long we are going to be here, it could be 6 months, it could be 3 years. There is a distinct possibility that we will have to raise this child, Gibbs."

He moved around the island and sat next to her. "Kate, let's worry about that when the time comes; for now let's deal with adjusting to being here."

She seemed to contemplate this a moment. "You're right, I'm sorry…"

"Never apologize."

Now she smiled warmly at him. "That wasn't a rule."

"No, but it's a good policy." He drained the last of his coffee and looked at her. "Let's get some sleep. Tomorrow we need to get the lay of the land."

She nodded and dumped the rest of her coffee in the sink, following him up the stairs. At the top, they parted ways: Kate to the master bedroom on the left, Gibbs across an open landing to the office on the right, which was next to Jake's room. Each left the door opened a crack.

As she changed and curled into the oversized King bed, Kate felt the panic start to rise in her body yet again. She quickly tamped it down though; she was not going to let it take control. Closing her eyes and concentrating, she could hear Gibbs moving around on the couch trying to find a more comfortable position. She would talk to him in the morning about that -- there was no way he could do this every night. He would be miserable, and by extension, so would she.

Kate memorized every noise the house made: the sound of the refrigerator turning on, the muffled sounds of birds outside her window, the house creaking as it settled a little more. Before long she drifted into sleep.

Gibbs woke to strange noises, but not those you would normally associate with a house. It sounded like…someone struggling.

In an instant he was up, had his gun in hand and was opening his door. Gibbs stood silently at the threshold and waited for the noise again. It took several seconds but he heard it and realized it was coming from Jake's room.

Hanging onto the gun, he walked the few feet to Jake's door and slowly eased it open, flinching as it creaked, not wanting to alert anyone who may be in the room to his presence. But when he opened it fully, Gibbs realized there was no one in the room, just Jake lying on his bed, thrashing violently and now making moaning noises.

Quickly Gibbs crossed the room, leaving his gun on the dresser by the door, and sat on the edge of the bed, calling the boy's name softly.

"Jake….Jake."

Gibbs looked at him a moment before reaching a hand out and touching the boy's back, rubbing lightly. Even in sleep, that seemed to calm him and Gibbs continued until he had stopped moaning and moving.

Pulling his hand away, Gibbs waiting until he was sure Jake was fully asleep before getting up, and grabbing his gun again, and going back to his couch. Entering the room, Gibbs eyed the furniture distastefully; it wasn't terribly comfortable but he had slept on worse, and often did at home under his boat.

His boat.

He knew he would miss the distraction of venting frustration on the wood, turning what was anger into a beautiful piece of craftsmanship. It was therapeutic, and in Washington. For one moment, Gibbs allowed himself to feel frustration and anger at the situation, It was all he had time for because this wasn't about him or his damn boat, it was about keeping Kate and Jake safe.

Kate…He had gotten attached to her at some point; after the whole Ari incident he could clearly recall his feelings start to change, and now he could feel it happening with Jake. This was a dangerous situation -- a family -- everything Gibbs had truly wanted in life (no matter how much he denied it), but never managed to have.

And none of it was real.

tbc…………………………


	6. Think Twice

Title: When I'm Gone

AN: Thank you guys yet again for all the reviews…I cant believe how many I have with only 5 chapters posted! YAY! Keep it up. Pretty please?

AN1: Last chapters song was "I Don't Want To Be" by Gavin DeGraw.

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Chapter 6: Think Twice

6 AM

Right on time, Gibbs woke up and stood, stretching to get the crick out of his neck. That accomplished, he went to the restroom and headed downstairs to start coffee. The sun had started to rise so he didn't need to use lights that might wake up the others.

Entering the kitchen he quickly put a pot of coffee on, sure that Kate would drink some also. Going back through the cabinets, he looked for something edible; the marshals had stocked the pantry pretty well by his taste. Finding nothing there for breakfast, he moved on to the fridge and promptly pulled out bagels, tossing one in the toaster. He was putting the bag back in the fridge when he heard Kate enter the room, her bare feet making slapping noises on the tile.

"Morning," she muttered and started the same search as he had.

"Want a bagel?" he asked.

She seemed to contemplate that a moment. "Sure, thanks."

He repeated the motion, putting hers in the toaster as well. When he turned back around, she was pouring two cups of coffee, and handed Gibbs his black. Even at 6 am, she was stunning, her hair flung in every direction, though it looked almost a deeper red than yesterday. Gibbs would admit that Kate was an attractive woman -- how could he not -- but there was something about her standing in front of him in her PJs, messy hair, and no makeup that drew him in. Maybe it was the level of comfort she was showing with him .

Moving around him, she added milk and sugar to her mug and look a long drink.

They stood a moment, leaning against the counter, waiting for the bagels, just staring at each other. It was weird and yet comfortable to have each other around in the morning. It wasn't like they had never done it before while out investigating. But this was different.

"Gibbs, I think in the interest of peace, we need a few house rules," she said and watched him slather his bagel with butter.

He arched an eyebrow at her. "What kind of house rules?" And took a bite.

"Well for one, the toilet seat." She gave him a pointed look.

He flinched slightly. "Sorry."

"I realize it's been a while since you've lived with a female, Gibbs, but it's been a while since I've had to remember to check."

"Point taken. What else?"

Kate was surprised her boss was taking this so well. "Second. Laundry….don't think cause I'm here all day that I'm doing yours. I'll take care of Jake's, but you are on your own."

He nodded. "Agreed."

"Here is the one point I'll concede for Jake. Contrary to Tony's thoughts on the matter, I actually can cook. If you want anything, just tell me. I'd rather do that than have to clean up after two dinners. Which brings up point four, cleaning. I'll do it to an extent, but you have to help."

He rocked his head back and forth a second before nodding. "Fine by me, Kate."

"Good…" she said and took a bite of her plain bagel.

He watched her with an odd expression. "Don't you want something on that?"

She arched an eyebrow at him. "What? Like a gallon of butter? No thanks."

He laughed slightly at that, remembering that Kate was always careful with what she ate. Turning to the door, he was stopped by her voice.

"One more thing."

He turned back and looked at her. "What?"

"Sleeping arrangements." She came around the counter. "You are not sleeping on that couch forever; you'll end up miserable, and with a screwed up back. We rotate: one week on, one week off."

"Kate…" he started, but was swiftly cut off.

"Non-negotiable, Gibbs."

"Fine," he agreed, but internally Gibbs knew in a week's time he would refuse to give up the couch. No reason for them both to be miserable. "Are we done now?"

She nodded and he disappeared out the door. Kate watched him go and turned back, intending to finish her bagel and found Gibbs coffee mug sitting abandoned on the counter.

By the time Gibbs got out of the shower, Kate had gotten Jake up and fed him cereal she'd found in the cabinets. The little boy was sitting in the living room watching a cartoon when Gibbs came down the stairs, freshly dressed in jeans and a black t-shirt.

He gave Jake a quick greeting and looked around the lower level for Kate.

"Jake, where's Kate?"

"Upstairs," he said and just then Gibbs heard the water in the shower turn on. They must have just missed each other.

Gibbs looked around a moment, a little confused what to do with himself while he waited. Jake solved the problem for him, however.

"Wanna watch Bugs Bunny?"

"Um, sure." He sat on the couch next to Jake, noting the cartoon that was on. "Kids still watch Bugs Bunny?"

"Sure, he's the best."

That was the last word on the matter, for the next 30 minutes they sat in silence, watching Bugs avoid Elmer Fudd and Wylie Coyote attempt to catch the Road Runner. Gibbs found it a little disconcerting that Jake didn't laugh once, not even when the coyote blew himself up for the third time.

Kate came down the stairs another ten minutes later in a pair of low riding jeans and a long sleeved shirt that clung in all the right places. The top of her new shorter hairstyle was pulled back at the crown of her head.

Stopping at the bottom of the stairs she gave Gibbs a smile, then turned to Jake, who was now concentrating on Marvin the Martian and his plans to destroy earth because it blocked his view of Venus.

"Jake, your turn. Your stuff's in the bathroom, clothing choices are on the bed."

He looked at her and slowly got up, walking past her and up the stairs without a word. Kate watched him go before turning back and heading the rest of the way down. Without even looking at Gibbs, she went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge -- startled when she turned and he was standing at the island watching her.

"I think it's finally hit him," she said and unscrewed the top, taking a long swig.

"Yeah, he was pretty quiet while watching Bugs this morning."

"I want to find a bookstore today. Since we can't exactly take him to a counselor I want to do some reading."

He nodded. "I think I saw a kid's bike in the garage when we got in last night."

"Any idea where exactly we are in the city?" she asked.

"Not really. Upper West Side, that's about it."

"Hang on," she said and went upstairs into the office, with Gibbs on her heels. The good people at the government were kind enough to provide a laptop for them. In short order she had pulled up a map of the city and Gibbs pointed to their current location. Close to Central Park. He leaned in closer to the monitor, one hand on the back of her chair, putting himself in very close proximity to her, so she could smell his aftershave.

"Ok, it looks like most of the commercial stuff is south of us, so let's head that way. Make sure you have on your comfy shoes," he said and pointed to a spot on the map.

"Kate," a small voice called from the hallway and they both turned to find Jake standing there watching them.

Kate gave him a large smile. "Good, we are going to check everything out. You ready?"

He nodded enthusiastically, the first time he had shown interest in anything that morning.

She got up and crouched in front of him. "Remember the rules, buddy. I know it's hard, but you have to remember to call me…Mom, or whatever you want as long as it's not Kate. Even in the house, ok?"

He nodded somewhat solemnly, as if remembering why he was even there. Kate hated to do this to him, forcing him to call her Mom when his real one had died only days before; it didn't seem fair. But it was necessary to keep them all alive. She leaned into him a little closer, giving him a conspiratorial smile.

"I think there might be a bike in the garage you can use."

"Really?" he asked, perking up some.

"Go check it out." In an instant he was running down the hall. "Go through the kitchen!" she called out to his retreating back.

She stood slowly and didn't even have to look at Gibbs to know he was staring at her; she could feel his eyes on her back.

"It's just not fair, Gibbs." She spoke into the hallway.

"I know." She felt him take a step toward her. "Same rules apply to us -- you have to call me John."

"We're adults, Gibbs. We can remember."

"Yeah, but the one time you don't could be the end of us."

Now she turned to him. "Damn you."

He just shrugged, stepping past her into the hall and heading downstairs.

The rest of the day passed quickly and with little fanfare. They easily found the local branch of their bank, grocery store, dry cleaners and other assorted places. Most were within walking distance, which meant they could make do with one car; if Kate needed it, she could drive Gibbs into work and pick him up.

They even found the local park, which was where they were now -- the adults seated on a bench with other parents, watching. But they watched Jake a little closer than the other parents did their children and Kate was willing to bet that none of the other parents had a sig sauer at their back.

She squinted in the sunny fall day and watched, as Jake played alone. He didn't seem to want to interact with the other kids at all – even when they showed interest. He was simply using the playground equipment by himself.

Kate was at a loss for the solution to this particular problem: would it be wise to force the issue or let him be until the trauma of the last few days passed?

"He'll be fine eventually, Katie," Gibbs said in a low tone. Not that it was really necessary, since all the noise from the children drowned out the conversations of the people around them.

She looked at Gibbs, who was seated closer to her than was probably really necessary -- a little confused by his use of Katie. "I know that, I just….I still feel at a loss G-John."

He gave her a look of praise that she caught herself. "You are doing all you can, you can't expect more than that from yourself."

"I don't think I'm doing right by him though." She stole a glance at Jake who was hanging upside down on the monkey bars.

Gibbs leaned into her ear. "Trust me, you are doing better than anyone else could."

She gave him a faint smile and went back to watching Jake, still feeling the lingering effects of his hot breath on her neck. It wasn't unpleasant.

It wasn't too much longer afterwards that Jake returned to them, an exhausted expression on his face.

"Ready?" she asked.

"Yeah…"

She gave him a smile and she and Gibbs stood, Kate instantly pulling down her light sweatshirt, making sure her weapon was covered.

Ten minutes later they were back home and Kate had managed to wrangle out that neither of them cared what they ate. She wasn't much in the mood for cooking after spending an entire day walking, so, making an executive decision, she ordered pizza from the place up the block.

Coming out of the kitchen into the living room, Kate stopped in her tracks at the sight in front of her. Slouched into the couch was a now very asleep Gibbs, and an equally out Jake curled next to him, his feet touching Gibbs' thighs.

She stifled a laugh and headed upstairs to take a quick shower and change into something that wasn't slightly sweaty from walking all over the city. She went into her room and grabbed a pair of comfy track pants and a USC t-shirt before heading back down the hall to the bathroom across from the office.

"A practically brand new townhouse and we only get one and a half bath," she muttered and shut the door behind her.

Gibbs woke with a start, surprised he had actually fallen asleep so easily; it wasn't like him. The sun had started to set, the room was washed in yellows and oranges and with no lights on -- it was quite the sight. Rubbing sleep from his eyes, Gibbs finally noticed Jake had curled up next to him, his legs splayed across the older man's thighs.

Moving slowly not to wake him, Gibbs lifted Jake's legs and got off the couch, placing the legs back on the couch. Jake didn't even make a sound.

Gibbs started up the stairs, planning on heading to his room to grab a change of clothes when the call of nature pressed upon him at the top of the stairs….loudly. Without even acknowledging that the bathroom door was now closed, Gibbs turned the handle, opened the door wide and stopped in his tracks.

In front of him was Kate. Standing in her underwear. Wet.

For a moment he was frozen, by surprise or admiration he wasn't sure.

It was a sight that he never expected, and she was so much more than he expected. Her skin looked smoother and tanner unobstructed by clothes; her abdomen was flat but had a little bit of definition at the sides; she had the perfect indent at her waist causing a true hourglass figure when added to the swell of her breasts. He could feel his body starting to react to the sight of hers.

Oh…her breasts. They were the perfect size and round and covered in black satin, the tops just pressing against the fabric-

"GIBBS!"

It had seemed like an eternity since he opened that door, but in reality, it was just seconds, and his name being shouted broke the spell.

Instantly he looked at the tile floor, inspecting the grout work, and for once in his life, Gibbs was at a loss for words. "I-I'm sorry Kate. I didn't…I'll go."

Quickly he retreated from the room and shut the door, a flush running through his body as he got a last quick glance at her pulling a t-shirt on as the door snicked shut.

Kate saw him get that last look in, but said nothing. In the two seconds he had been openly checking out her body, Gibbs' face had held an expression of awe and something she had seen plenty of times from plenty of men. Want.

He had wanted her. Jethro Gibbs. Her. She wanted to say it seemed impossible, that she had misread his look, but she knew better. There had been nearly two years now of shared looks, light touches and seemingly innocent comments, each moment building onto the last until it was unavoidable.

She pulled her pants on and readjusted her underwear, which had just barely covered her pubic hair (Gibbs had gotten quite the show), so that it was at its proper level on her hips.

One more moment.

Kate had a feeling that they would come face to face with this sooner than later. She brushed her damp hair back and pulled it into a loose ponytail. She was afraid of the sooner.

Because she wanted him also.

Walking downstairs, she found the boys in the kitchen at the island, already eating the pizza she ordered.

"You leave any for me?"

Jake looked up at her and smiled. "Of course, momma."

It sounded strange coming from him without prompting and Kate stopped in her tracks for a second. "Thanks."

She glanced at Gibbs with a small smile on her face. Kate actually found their little incident humorous at this point; it wasn't like she was completely naked. He was giving her a tight smile, as if he was waiting for her to just explode.

Instead she sat next to him quietly and grabbed a piece of the pizza, chewing it slowly. They ate in silence and before long the entire large was history.

"Can I go watch TV?" Jake asked quietly.

Kate ventured a glance at the clock. "Yeah, for about an hour then it's off to bed with you."

He jumped down off the stool and disappeared out of the room, and Kate picked up the empty box, disposing of it. She was turning back to clean off the counter when Gibbs' voice stopped her.

"Kate….about earlier."

She wiped one section. "Don't worry about it, really. But now I think we need an opening the bathroom door rule."

"I just….I wasn't thinking."

"Its ok." She shrugged. "Not like you saw me completely naked, right?"

He took a long pause and she stopped her movements to glance at him. There was that expression on his face, like he was contemplating something.

"Right," he finally parroted. "You need help?"

"Nope." She finished her sweep of the counter and threw the rag in the sink. "Tomorrow is Sunday, and on Monday you start work. You have clothes?"

"Yeah, some."

She arched an eyebrow at him. "By clothes I mean suits, Gibbs, not polos and suit jackets. You are a consultant, and you need to dress the part if we are going to fool anyone."

He cocked an eyebrow at her. "I have some."

"OK, put that on the list for tomorrow, and a haircut." She smiled at the last part of that sentence.

"You've been wanting to do something about my hair since I met you, haven't you?"

Her expression changed to one of well-meaning mischief. "Well…yeah."

"Fine…fine."

She smiled and leaned into him slightly. "I'm going to find someplace that will hopefully be open tomorrow."

He just sighed and watched her walk out of the kitchen, a little bit of saunter in her step.

tbc……………………………..


	7. Harder to Breathe

Title: When I'm Gone

Author blah blah on the first chapter.

AN: Last chapters musical reference was….. "Think Twice" by Eve 6. The lyrics amuse me, you should go and hunt them down.

Can I really say thank you enough for the reviews? Seriously…I'm stunned into happiness as to the shear number I received for Chapter 6, please keep it up…I love it so much to see that someone else is enjoying the fruits of my labor.

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Chapter 7: Harder to Breathe

Kate took the basketball and put it squarely in the net, earning a cheer from her competitor.

"You aren't supposed to cheer for me!" she exclaimed in a well-meaning tone.

"That's ok, momma, I'm allowed to cheer for you."

Kate laughed at that and handed the ball over to her smaller counterpart, lifting him up enough so he could make a basket also. Today he had seemed fine: talkative, smiling and being a kid; she hoped it would last.

As she set Jake down on the concrete, a voice from behind her got her attention.

"Who won?"

Kate spun around and any words caught in her throat. He looked…different. The haircut she had thought was ridiculous for a man his age was gone. Long shaggy locks were completely cut off, and they had shaved the top down to just a bit longer than the rest, creating a fade around the crown of his head.

He looked professional…and sexy as hell. Kate always had a thing for the buzz cut look, and this was damn close. Too close for her own good.

She had been staring at him so intently that she didn't realize Jake had left her side until Gibbs bent down to let him touch his hair.

Distracting herself, she picked up the basketball that she had purchased that afternoon while she and Jake waited for Gibbs. They had found a park across the street from the barbershop.

"You want to touch it too, Kate?"

She snapped her head up to find him grinning at her. "No, thanks. It's a great improvement though."

He ran his own hand over it. "Yeah, I think I could get used to it. Almost no maintenance."

She gave him a shy smile, although inside she was fighting off the urge to jump him.

He stared at her a minute, then broke out in a wide grin again; Kate knew this was not good news for her. Gibbs closed the distance between them, reached out, and snatched the ball away from her.

He dribbled a few times – not well – and shot at the bucket. The ball clanged off the metal rim and returned to him.

"Hmmm, been awhile." He pinned her with a look. "You and me."

"What?"

"One on one to twenty one." He was talking like an excited child now. "Josh, you keep score, buddy: whoever gets to twenty one baskets first wins. Can you do that?" The boy nodded eagerly and held up both hands. "Great -- you need help, let us know."

"Ok!"

"John…" He cut her off by throwing the ball at her chest. She caught it easily.

"I'll even give you point first…and five points."

Now she raised one eyebrow; she wasn't going to back down from that. "Keep your five points."

He shrugged and stood directly in front of her, swaying back and forth.

"Don't hurt yourself," she said, and faked to the left as she and the ball went right, easily making it to the rim and scoring. At his surprised look, she shrugged back. "Three older brothers, they wouldn't let me play until I could _play_. That's one for me, Josh."

Josh nodded and giggled slightly, raising a finger on his left hand.

She tossed him the ball and took up a defensive stance.

For nearly thirty minutes, they jostled back and forth -- neither giving an inch, but Kate could tell he was holding back just a little bit. They were both soaked in sweat despite the cool fall temperature, but neither cared, they were having too good a time.

With the score tied fifteen all, Kate checked the ball to him. He started to go right, but swiftly changed directions, going hard to the basket-not holding back in the least. Unfortunately, Kate had read his fake and placed herself square in his way, taking his charge full force to the chest.

He only felt her small body against his larger one for a second before she crashed to the hard concrete.

"Kate!"

"Momma!"

Jake came running over as Gibbs bent next to her. She started to sit up, but he could tell she was having a hard time breathing. He ran his eyes over her body, looking for signs of injury, finding nothing.

"Kate? You ok?"

"Momma…" Jake whined.

She gave them a "one minute" gesture with her hand and struggled to get in a breath. Gibbs instantly recognized what happened.

He put one hand around Jake's waist and patted him lightly. "She's ok, little man. Just got the wind knocked out of her."

Kate nodded and gave the boy a small smile; it was easier for her to breathe now and she almost trusted her voice.

"I'm fine, really."

Gibbs turned his attention back to her. "Kate, I'm sorry."

She waved him off and took a deeper breath. "Its ok, John. No harm done. Trust me, I've been hit harder."

He gave her a curious look but nodded and stood, holding one hand out to her. She took it and he pulled her up.

"Game over…it's a tie," he said.

"Oh no, you aren't getting out of it that easy. I was kicking your ass."

"You were not. Besides it's getting late."

She raised one eyebrow. She felt fine now, but he was right -- it was late and they still needed to eat. "Fine, but rematch, later."

"You're on."

They gathered their discarded coats from the bench near the court and in ten minutes were home.

When they pulled into the driveway, Kate and Gibbs both noticed their neighbor to the right outside pulling dead flowers from the garden. It was a younger woman, probably a little older than Kate, and she turned around when the car door slammed, instantly noticing them.

"Well, hello neighbors!" she waved, and the group stopped. This was the first time they had been put to the test together and Kate was nervous. One slip up and it could be all over.

"Hello!" Kate called back in a friendly voice, but tightened her grip on Jake's shoulders just a little bit and pulled him in toward her.

"You must be the new neighbors…" Her voice was light and friendly, with a thick New York accent. She moved toward them and removed a gardening glove, holding out her hand to Gibbs. He eyed her critically, long brown hair was swept up in a high ponytail, tendrils loose around her face from working, she had a slight flush, but her dark brown eyes gave only the hint of a friendly neighbor.

"We sure are," he said evenly and shook her hand briefly. "I'm John Mitchell, this is my wife Katherine and our boy Josh."

"Nice to meet you. That condo's been empty so long I was beginning to wonder if anyone was going to move in." She bent down to Jake's level. "Aren't you just the cutest thing."

Jake pressed into Kate's legs harder, a little wary of the woman in front of him. She placed a reassuring hand on his head.

"Sorry, he's a little shy."

"Oh, no problem, my boys were that way when they were his age. Oh! My manners! I'm Natalie Carrera. I'm guessing you aren't from here? No accent and all."

"No, we aren't," Kate responded.

"I see. Well, if you need any help let me know -- I've lived in this city my whole life." Her face lit up at the mention of her home.

"Thank you, Natalie. If you'll excuse us…"

"Oh, of course, Katherine. Have a lovely night."

"Kate, you can call me Kate. Everyone does. Thank you, you too."

With that, Kate steered Jake toward the front steps, Gibbs close behind. He leaned into her and whispered in her ear.

"Everything is going to be just fine."

She nodded, not entirely convinced.

By eleven that night, everyone was in bed, exhausted from the day. Gibbs had asked her one more time if she was all right. Kate had assured him she was fine, but as she lay on the bed, Kate could feel an ache starting on her chest. Touching the area, she knew there would be a bruise in the morning and chuckled.

She had fun that afternoon, despite being laid out on the concrete. Kate had never pictured Gibbs as having fun aside from his boat. But out here, away from DC and their real jobs and real lives they seemed to be a bit freer.

Maybe freer wasn't it. Maybe this was Gibbs at home, away from the office. It was a side never seen by those he worked with, so how could Kate say this wasn't how Gibbs was at home. Or when he was married. Kate still didn't know the reasons behind all his divorces, aside from her own speculation on one and three.

If this was the Gibbs that existed at home when he was married, then Kate couldn't figure out why he was three times divorced. Then again, she had only been living with him for four days.

Rolling over, she shifted to relive some of the discomfort and slipped into sleep.

The morning came much too quickly for her liking, her internal alarm notifying her when the clock struck 6 am. Kate sighed and rolled out of bed, yawning.

She debated going for a run before Gibbs left, but nixed the idea; maybe not his first day of work, since the potential for chaos was already too high.

So instead, she put on her slippers. As she opened the bedroom door, she heard the water on in the bathroom. Kate checked on Jake, who was still sound asleep, and headed downstairs to start coffee for the adults.

Kate had decided to make a schedule for Jake; it would make it easier for him to adjust. Already they had him on an up at 7, in bed by 9 routine that seemed to be working out. Now she needed to work out schooling.

She poured a cup of coffee and headed to the dining room, pulling out the information she had printed on home schooling. It was extensive; there were sample schedules and curriculums along with links where to get books and materials. Kate took this as a challenge, and as with every challenge in her life, she went at it head on and prepared.

She was so engrossed in the sheer amount of paperwork required by the state, some of which the government had already thoughtfully completed, that Kate didn't even hear Gibbs come down the stairs. She was only alerted to his presence when he stopped next to her chair.

"Hey," she said without taking her eyes off the paper.

"Hey, you're up early."

She shrugged. "I'm always up this early."

"Yeah, but no work for you today."

Now she looked at him and noticed he was dressed in his pants and shirt, tie and jacket slung over his shoulder. She pointed at the papers on the table. "This is work, Gibbs, trust me."

He squeezed her shoulder and placed the items in his hand on the chair next to her, wandering into the kitchen.

A few minutes later he walked back in with coffee and toast in his hands.

"I don't suppose our government friends were good enough to arrange a paper?"

She moved a book and handed him the New York Times.

"Thanks."

She nodded again and took a long sip of her coffee.

They sat in silence for a long while, Kate shuffling things around and Gibbs flipping the paper. Shortly before seven he stood up, shrugged into his suit coat, and picked up the tie, looking at it oddly.

"Uh, Kate?"

"Yeah?" she looked up to find him standing there, holding the tie in one hand and a look of confusion on his face.

"I…don't actually know how to tie this."

"You have to be kidding me." She stood and took the material from him, making a disappointed clicking noise with her tongue. "I'm sure you were forced to go to military functions, Gibbs, how did you manage that?"

He seemed to freeze at the question. "I always had one of my wives do it; I haven't had to wear a tie since…"

"Oh, I…sorry."

She didn't say anything else, just placed the tie around his neck and under his collar. She slid her hands across his collarbone, ensuring the fabric laid flat. Continuing, she ran her fingers down the material to the ends, adjusting the length appropriately.

He nearly shuddered at the feeling of her touching his chest as she twisted the tie a few times, looping it at the top and finally tightening it around his neck adjusting his collar appropriately. She had done all this while standing mere inches from him. He could feel the heat of her body through his suit and when he looked down, saw the tops of her breasts peaking out from the opening in her robe.

"You know," she started without moving from him. "When you get home, don't untie it, then you can just slip it on next time." Her breath came out in small puffs, each one tickling his neck as she aimlessly adjusted the knot.

"Good advice," he said softly and looked her right in the eyes.

They stood staring at each other for a few moments, the air getting heavier around their bodies; the tension was nearly palpable. Neither wanted to move and break the spell, as it was almost addictive. She was addicting. But he already knew that.

Kate was intoxicating in small doses, the confident way she moved, her scent-always subtle but entirely her. But now, standing in front of him in a robe and little else, hair a mess, no makeup, and her coffee-scented breath caressing his skin…Caitlin Todd was downright dangerous.

And he didn't care. In the least.

At that second in time all he wanted was to stand forever with her. In the dining room. Without putting much thought into it, he started to lean in toward her, tilting his head, all the while keeping her deep brown eyes locked in his.

She looked surprised.

Centimeters before his lips came into contact with hers a small voice from the doorway froze him.

"Momma…"

And he internally groaned. Somehow he had forgotten all about the second grader, he had been so focused on her.

She turned from him with a look he couldn't identify and acknowledged Jake.

"Hey, buddy."

"Hungry," he said and wiped the sleep from his eyes.

"Ok," she lifted him and sat him in the chair at the head of the table. 'Let me get you a bowl of cereal."

He nodded lazily and looked at Gibbs.

"Hey, pal," the older man greeted. That's when he realized that Jake called Kate momma without thought, but never assigned Gibbs his own moniker. It could be a problem later and Gibbs followed Kate into the kitchen.

"Kate…"

She held up one hand to stop him. "I'm sorry…about the dining room, it shouldn't have happened. And…"

"Kate!" He stopped her and moved closer, leaning one hip against the counter next to her. "I wanted to ask you about Jake. He calls you Momma, but doesn't call me anything -- he never….calls me."

She seemed to consider that a moment. "I'll talk to him."

He moved away from the counter. "Thanks…and Kate?" He waited for her to look up at him. "I'm not sorry."

Later that afternoon Kate had questioned the little boy enough to figure out a lesson plan that she intended to commence the next day. They also discussed a name for Gibbs and she decided to let Jake choose.

Without a school plan in place for the day, Kate decided they should go for a walk around the area, with Jake on his bike.

The air was cool, but not cold, and they both wore coats, but no gloves. Most of the leaves were gone off the trees by now, and Thanksgiving was a mere 3 weeks away. A sharp pang went through her heart; she had planned to go to Florida to visit Jenna and the boys. Gibbs had approved her three days off and the plane tickets were on her desk at home in DC. Kate hadn't seen her sister in almost two years, when she gave birth to Kate's youngest nephew, Nicholas.

She was really looking forward to seeing the toddler and his older brother, plus her sister who she spoke to frequently. She was equally close to her brothers, though they were spread across the country -- her oldest the closest in Virginia. They had always been so protective of her, their baby sister. They were proud of her for becoming a secret service agent, but were terrified of losing her one day, so when she joined NCIS they all breathed a sigh of relief. Now they all thought she was dead.

Caitlin Todd was probably buried somewhere in Virginia by now with her parents, while Katherine Mitchell went on with life.

She wondered if Abby, McGee and Ducky missed them, if they were devastated by the news. Poor Tony now had to carry the burden of knowing they were alive and he would not be able to share that information with the people who cared about them the most. Kate may have considered Tony childish and immature, but when it came down to it, she did trust him with their secret.

She didn't even know if he knew where they were. Probably not.

Kate pulled her coat around her body more tightly and looked at the little boy riding in front of her, healthy and seemingly happy. It was worth it, leaving her life behind. It was worth it to ensure his survival. She had been prepared at one point in her life to die for another person, a person she barely knew.

Now she was ready to do the same for a little boy. Kate knew she was in trouble when it came to Jake, she would do anything for him. Anything.

_This must be what maternal instinct feels like._

Kate laughed aloud as Jake pulled his hands off the handlebars and flapped them up and down like a bird.

Somewhere in her mind she knew that eventually this would all end. How was the question.

Nearly an hour later they rounded the corner back to the townhouse and she noticed the neighbor outside again, finishing the job she started last night.

Once again, Natalie got up and greeted her warmly. That was something Kate missed -- another woman to talk to. God, how she missed Abby.

"Afternoon, Kate!"

"Hello, Natalie. How are you?"

"Good, thanks! How about this warm weather?"

"It's nice, better than snow." She smiled, but kept a close eye on Jake who was riding back and forth down the row of houses.

"That's for sure." Natalie tipped her head. "Would you like to come in for coffee?"

Kate paused a moment. "Yeah, you know, that would be great."

"I think I have hot chocolate for Josh, too."

"He would love that, thank you, Natalie."

She merely nodded and Kate called for Jake. Shortly thereafter Kate was seated in Natalie's kitchen, a replica of hers. It was decidedly cozier than her own, though. It had a lived-in, yet homey, feel.

Jake had found himself a spot in the living room, fascinated by one cartoon or another, Kate wasn't really sure of the name.

"So, where did you move from?"

"Phoenix," she lied easily, reciting the information in their dossiers.

"This cold must be a shock!"

"Not really, we've been a lot of places because of John's job. He's a security consultant, we go where the work is." Kate was impressed with herself how smoothly she switched between Gibbs and John when needed. "Not sure how long we will even be here."

"That must be hard, especially on Josh."

Kate's face darkened. "Very hard. You have no idea. That's why I home school. It's just easier."

Natalie nodded. "How long have you been married?"

"Eight years, we had Josh pretty quickly."

"Because of your husband's age?"

It was an innocent question, and yet one that hadn't occurred to Kate. The Marshals had aged her up a few years and Gibbs down to pare down the age difference to 17 years, but the reality was Kate was nearly 24 years younger than her 'husband'. An entire generation gap between them. She had never thought about it before. Gibbs never struck her as someone in his early 50s.

"Kate?" Natalie questioned.

"Sorry….no, it just worked out that way."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get so personal."

Kate gave her a warm smile. "No, no. It's fine, I was just thinking. Are you married?"

"My husband died a few years back."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it was a long time ago now. Line of duty."

"He was a police officer?"

She nodded. "In Queens. One night he pulled over a stolen car and that was it. Cop killers."

Kate shuddered; it was a fear of all law enforcement, be it a traffic stop, a violent suspect outside the confines of an interrogation room, or even a presidential detail. Any way you could end up dead.

"That's awful. You said you had boys -- how old are they?"

"Sixteen and fifteen. Right now they are getting out of football and baseball practice, respectively."

Kate looked surprised. "You don't look old enough to have children that age, if you don't mind me saying."

Now she beamed. "I don't mind in the least. I'm older than I look and I was young when I had them. Don't regret it though; they are the lights of my life. Aren't all kids though?"

"Absolutely," she answered without thought.

Natalie held up her cup. "More?"

"No, thank you. We should probably head home. I need to get dinner ready."

"Ok then." Natalie picked up the mugs as Kate called for Jake, who came into the kitchen with his in hand.

"Give the cup to Mrs. Carrera, and say thank you," she whispered.

Shyly, Jake walked over to the other woman. "Thank you, Mrs. Carrera."

"You're ever so welcome, Josh. And call me Natalie."

He merely nodded and returned to Kate's side, gripping onto her sweater.

She put a hand on his head and turned her attention to the other woman. "Thank you again, Natalie."

"You're welcome again. Let me see you to the door."

They waved as they parted and Kate walked to her own home as Natalie's sons appeared down the street. Kate watched the boys jostling with each other and smiled.

It didn't take long for her to get something ready for dinner and she was sitting quietly watching the news when Gibbs walked in the door a little after 6.

"Hey…" she called from the couch as he hung up his coat. "How'd the first day go?"

He moved into the living room and sat next to her.

"How this company hasn't had a serious security situation is beyond me. Everything needs to be upgraded. Computer firewalls, alarm systems, manned security stations, the works."

"Sounds like you'll have work for a while."

"Ohhh yeah."

She looked at the clock. "Dinner in about 10."

"Ok, I'm going to change then. This tie is killing me."

She nodded and they both got off the couch, going in different directions. "Where's Jake?" he asked.

"Dining room - coloring."

He nodded and headed up the stairs.

Dinner and clean up went quickly, Gibbs helping with the latter.

Seated in the living room once again, with Jake now doing some pre-homework she wanted in the dining room, they fell into a comfortable silence, until Kate broke it.

"Had coffee with the neighbor today."

His eyebrows rose. "Really? Natalie?"

"Yup, very nice lady, two teenagers."

"Kate…" His voice was concerned.

"I'm being careful, going off the script. No problems. We can't stay locked in the house all day."

"I know, I know."

She stared at him a moment, unsure how to bring up the next topic, finally deciding straight up was the best option. "Gibbs…Thanksgiving is right around the corner."

"Yep."

"Then Christmas."

"I know."

"I was planning on celebrating, even with just us."

He nodded. "I think that's a good plan, Kate. Make everything as normal as possible for him."

"And us…"

"Yeah, and us."

He gave her a smile and carefully wrapped one arm around her shoulders, bringing her smaller body into his side.

"You're doing good, Kate," he whispered into her hair.

She loved the feeling of his arms around her, knowing she was safe here on every level, and despite herself, she rested her head against his t-shirt-clad shoulder. Sitting on the couch with him, she temporarily forgot about life around her, content to be warmed by his body and soothed by his even breathing. She had even started to drift off when she heard him call her name softly.

"Kate…"

She lifted her head slowly and blinked a few times. "Sorry."

"Jake was looking for you."

She sat up and his arm drifted down. "Oh…" She felt vaguely uncomfortable now; she had fallen asleep on her boss' (husband's) shoulder. "I didn't mean…"

He gave her a warm smile and reached up one hand, touching her already warm cheek. "You can use my shoulder anytime, Kate." With that he got up and headed upstairs, leaving her sitting on the couch wondering what the hell had just happened.


	8. Caught in the Sun

Title: When I'm Gone

AN: Roses are red, violets are blue, reviews are wonderful, and so are you (all)!

What, I did poetry…isn't that enough? Oh, sorry…the musical answer. A lot of people got this one right: Harder to Breathe by Maroon 5.

* * *

Chapter 8: Caught in the Sun

The next few days she got into Jake's lesson plan a little more thoroughly, and she easily slipped into a routine. While he took tests or did homework, she would clean up around the house or do laundry. It was while she was putting away clothes in his closet that she noticed it, and an idea started to form.

"Josh!" she called down the stairs to him.

He came to the bottom and looked at her.

"Come here a minute."

He did as instructed, and shortly they were in front of his closet. She knelt down and pointed out a small, nearly invisible door in the side wall of the closet.

"See this?" He nodded. "It's a small cubby hole. If anything ever happens, I want you to crawl in here and hide, ok?"

He nodded again and she could see the anguish on his face.

"I'm sure everything will be fine, but just in case. And don't come out for ANYONE except me or Gibbs, got it?"

"Yes."

"Good, now go finish your homework. Later we are going to go out and get some fun stuff to decorate your room."

"Yay!" he yelled and headed downstairs.

She gave the door one last glance and hoped they would never need to use it.

Three weeks passed faster than she thought it would, and before she knew it, she was preparing a small Thanksgiving dinner. The boys were in the living room watching the Lions play the Colts, and from the noises Gibbs made, it appeared to be going well for Detroit.

She and Jake had worked out a nice schedule and aside from a few incidents all was going well. Gibbs had fit in at work quickly, doing what he did best -- protecting people. Kate's relationship with Natalie had grown, and they met practically every other day to have coffee and chat – Kate realizing how much she missed having another woman around. Kate had even met Natalie's boys, Steven and Nicholas. When she heard the younger boy's name, she nearly broke down into tears thinking about her Nick in Florida who was mourning a dead aunt.

Jake seemed to like the other woman also. He also adopted a new name for Gibbs: "Pop". Jake giggled nearly every time he said it, but it was better than nothing…or Gibbs.

She occasionally had bad dreams, as did Jake, but as time passed, the dreams lessened in intensity and frequency. She didn't wake up in a sweat anymore.

She and Gibbs had fallen into an easy routine as well. Predictably, he had refused to give up the couch and she relented, sure that he would come around eventually. Probably when his back gave out.

He wasn't all that bad to have around the house, and was careful to pick up after himself and clean here and there. But she sensed under the surface an underlying tension and she knew why: his boat. He seemed somewhat lost in the evenings without her to work on.

They were closer physically now than before and every day it grew stronger. He was more apt to touch her lightly to get her attention than say her name, or stand close to her first thing in the morning when she started the coffee. A few choice times he had stroked her hair lightly, or moved strands off her face.

She reveled in every touch, every glance sent her way. Her attraction to him was growing too, and it scared her how quickly it happened. Though really…maybe it wasn't all that quickly. They had danced around something since the first day on Air Force One two years ago; even then there was something in the air between them, an electricity Kate ignored until now. When it became too large for a small townhouse to contain.

She opened the oven door and eyed the browning turkey critically -- maybe another hour at the most.

Kate closed the door and turned to find Gibbs standing in the doorway, staring intently at her.

"About thirty minutes and it can come out," she said and took a long drink of the wine she'd opened.

"You need help?" he questioned and moved into the room, leaning against the counter as she peeled potatoes.

She raised one eyebrow at him. "As much as I appreciate the offer, I'm a little afraid of your cooking skills."

He pointed at her hands. "I can peel."

She laughed lightly. "I know the game isn't over yet."

"Halftime."

She shrugged and tossed him a potato and peeler.

For ten minutes they peeled in silence until all the potatoes were cut and ready to be boiled. As Kate dumped their work into the hot water Gibbs cleared his throat and stood.

"Do you have a nice dress?"

She turned and looked at him, cutting board still in hand, her hair pulled up in a messy ponytail. He thought she looked beautiful. "What?"

"My company is having a holiday party at one of the nicer ballrooms in town, they invited us. It's...formal."

"Really?" she drew out and gave him a look. "You…in a tux? That might be worth the couple hours of boring shop talk."

He rolled his eyes at her. "Apparently its quite the party from what I've heard. Dinner, drinks, the whole works."

"I think I can find a dress."

"Good." He paused a moment. "Wait…what about Jake?"

"I think Natalie would be more than happy to watch him. She adores him and he seems to like her. I'll ask her tomorrow." She put the board in the sink and washed it carefully before placing it on a towel to dry.

"Good."

They stood awkwardly a moment, staring at each other; she could sense he wanted to move toward her, but didn't. Instead she checked the turkey again – it was almost done.

"You may want to go wash up. I just have to finish the taters and then you can cut the bird."

"Kate…."

She turned to him. "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry you didn't get to go to Florida."

She had managed to keep the thought out of her mind for the most part that morning, aside from a brief crying spell in the shower. Why did he have to bring it up? Why did he even have to remember? She didn't want to do this; it hurt too much.

"It's…fine." Her voice was strained as she picked up a potholder and played with it.

He closed in on her. "No, it's not, Kate. It may not be fair to Jake, but it's not fair to you either…"

"Let's not talk about it, ok?" Her voice cracked on the 'ok' and the tears she had managed to keep at bay started to fall silently.

"Kate…" he whispered and moved into her, gathering her up into his arms and placing his cheek on the top of her head.

Much like she had once before, she wrapped her arms around him and sobbed into his chest, not for a dead lover, but for a life lost. And like before, he held her until the tears stopped.

Gibbs stroked her hair softly as the sobs subsided, murmuring words of comfort. She was pretty sure she heard him call her "baby" at least once.

Eventually she pulled away and instantly he felt bereft of her warm body.

She waved the pot holder around and sniffled. "God, I'm sorry. This is ridiculous; I shouldn't be breaking down over this."

"It's not easy here, Kate. Not for any of us, and we have to be strong for Jake. You need time to grieve for what you lost, too."

She looked down, thinking. "Yeah…thank you." She looked back up and gave him a genuine smile.

"Anytime, Katie. Anytime."

"Go wash up. It'll be ready soon and you need to carve."

"Ok." He started to turn away, but spun back. "If you need to talk, Kate. I am here."

She nodded and he disappeared out the door.

In short order they had sat down and finished the meal Kate had taken all day to prepare. She had even fished out the wishbone and, after washing it, hung it on the fridge to dry and pull later.

She started to clean up, but was stopped when Gibbs took the plate out of her hand.

"We can clean -- right, little man?"

Jake nodded adamantly. "Yep!"

She looked at them, surprised, but conceded; she was tired. Kate handed over the plate and disappeared into the living room, lying on the couch and quickly falling into a turkey-induced nap.

It was a feeling really, that pulled her from the nap, a sense that someone was watching her. Cracking one eye open, she found Jake staring at her intently, a grin on his face.

"Yes…" she said without moving.

"Momma, Pop said we need a…" the boy struggled for the word and looked to Gibbs for the answer. Kate watched with amusement as her boys conferred a moment. _Her boys? When had that happened exactly? _"We need a defensive back." He smiled widely, proud of himself.

"He does, huh?" Kate sat up and eyed Gibbs. "What, you couldn't beat me in basketball, so you're trying something new?"

He grinned. "Natalie came over. She and the boys are going to the park to play tag football and she invited us."

"Ok, let me change." Kate got up and headed to her room, quickly swapping her jeans and sweater for a pair of yoga pants, sports bra and lycra top.

Pulling her shoes on, she idly wondered if her brothers were doing this. Every year when the Todd family was together they would play full contact football in her parents' enormous backyard until Mom finished cooking. Even her normally prissy sister got into it. And as the family grew, so did the game. Maybe this year they were mourning instead.

She shook off the thought and pulled a light jacket on, bounding down the stairs and meeting Jake and Gibbs at the door. The three walked to the park, easily finding the Carrera group; the boys had already started practicing. Natalie waved them over.

"Hey! Don't mind the boys, they like full contact practice. But they know to be careful with Josh."

Kate nodded. "You do this every year?"

"Yup, without David though, it's an odd number. So I'm glad you could come."

"Me too…"

"Ok, are we ready? I think Nick is anxious."

Kate smiled and nodded. In short order they had the flags attached to their clothes and were running around the park. The older boys were careful with Jake, seeming to enjoy playing with the younger boy, even flubbing a few tackles for his benefit.

They had stopped keeping score after a while, and Kate was enjoying herself; this was much less painful than her family games, where the next day she was more black and blue than anything.

Eventually she could sense the older boys wanted a full on game and they all needed a rest. Stopping and sitting on a bench, Kate was talking to Natalie while Jake swung on nearby swings when Nicholas came up to them. He had been conferring with his brother and Gibbs, which had her wondering what her boss, dammit-husband, was up to.

"Mrs. Mitchell?" She had been called that several times now, but it still surprised her a little.

"Yes, Nick."

"We were wondering…I mean, we need a fourth person to play contact. Mom won't, but Mr. Mitchell said you probably would."

So much for no bruises.

Kate leaned around the boy and gave Gibbs a look. "Sure. Whose team am I on?"

"Ahhh, mine."

She gave the boy a devious grin. "Good, let's kill them." She turned to Natalie, "Can you watch him?"

"Not a problem, Kate. Enjoy."

The smile not leaving her face, Kate nodded. "Thanks…oh! And remind me to ask you about watching Jake later."

"Will do!" the other woman said as she got up to push Jake.

Kate walked over to the other boys and smiled. "Full contact, huh?"

"Yup," Gibbs responded, an evil grin on his face. He knew perfectly well she was capable of handling herself, but the boys had looks on their faces that clearly conveyed they weren't sure about her joining.

Kate nudged Nick. "Let's go."

The two teams lined up: QB and receiver against two defensive players. Kate and Nick played defense first. The first play Gibbs threw a long ball that went over her head and squarely into Steven's hands, who ran it easily in for a touchdown.

"Yessssss!" the older boy exclaimed.

The teams switched and this time Kate handed off to Nick and bodily-blocked Steven before he could get to his brother. Nick scored and this time spiked the ball. Kate laughed and looked at Gibbs, who was watching her and smiling himself.

She raised her eyebrows at him once as they reset, this time with Gibbs as the receiver. Kate read the run play easily and hit him full force, knocking him squarely to the ground while she stood firm - and upright.

"Second down," she blew out and walked away.

Steven came over and helped up his teammate. "Wow, she's something, John."

"Don't I know it," he muttered and handed the ball over.

Several plays later Gibbs got the chance to pay her back, as she ran out to catch a pass he grabbed her waist, pulling her small body into his - and sending them both off balance. She went tumbling into the leaf covered ground laughing; Gibbs followed and fell next to her, face down.

Kate huffed out a breath and laughed again, not moving from her position on her back. Adrenaline was coursing through her, leaving her with a feeling of being slightly high, and devious. "You know, I swear you just like me on my back."

He raised both eyebrows at her; he could sense the amusement in her tone. Feeling a little mischievous himself he leaned into her ear, his lips just brushing the lobe. "Is it a problem if I do?"

She snapped her head towards him and felt a warm flush run through her body at the words and his nearness.

"I…" She didn't get a chance to finish; the boys had worked their way over by then.

"You guys ok?" Steven asked, mostly looking at Kate.

She ripped her eyes from Gibbs and answered. "Yeah, fine." Getting up, she brushed herself off and took the ball back, throwing it at Nick. "Third down."

They played just the one game and by then the sun was slowly setting. Steven and Gibbs had won, but not by much. The group walked back together, the older boys running far ahead while the adults went slower.

Jake was holding Kate's hand, but chatted, in that kid way, with Natalie. Kate smiled; he really had taken to the other woman, and that released some of the fear Kate had that he would never be able to open to anyone again.

They hadn't discussed the night his parents were murdered in several weeks. Kate didn't want to keep bringing it up, and they had all the information anyway. It seemed cruel really.

At some point Jake ran up to Gibbs and grabbed him by the hand, walking a little ahead of the women. Natalie turned to her and asked about the question Kate had for her.

"Oh! Yeah…John has this holiday work part to go to on December 18th, so I was wondering if you could watch Josh that night. I haven't talked to Josh about it, though."

Natalie's eyes lit up. "I would be delighted to. He is such a good boy, reminds me of my two when they were that age. You have fun…when was the last time you and John got out together alone?"

She gave a tight smile. "Never."

Natalie laughed. "Doesn't it seem that way, though?"

"It does."

By the time they had reached the townhouses and said their goodbyes, Josh was nearly half asleep while walking. Gibbs picked him up and carried him into the house, putting him to bed while Kate changed out of her now grass-stained clothes.

She came out of the bedroom, clothed in a pair of shorts and a long sleeved shirt, as Gibbs closed Jake's door.

"He's down for the count."

She nodded. "I figured - a lot of excitement today."

"Yeah," he said and took another step to her.

Kate swallowed roughly; there was electricity between them now, it was palpable. Her head felt…fuzzy. No man had ever done this to her, made her forget herself and her surroundings so easily.

He reached out one hand and touched her cheek, running a thumb along the soft skin. It felt…sinfully smooth. She looked at him with those huge brown eyes and he was lost in them, in her. Logic and reason took a backseat to instinct and nature. He wanted her -- he wanted her so bad, it was nearly a compulsion, consuming him whenever she was near.

Before his brain could catch up, he leaned in and just barely touched his lips to hers. But it wasn't enough, there might never be enough of Caitlin Todd, and he pressed harder.

She responded to him instantly, pressing her body into his and parting her lips just slightly. His hands roved up into her hair, grabbing lightly, pulling gently, as his lips continued to assault hers.

She groaned low in her throat when his tongue probed at her lips and allowed him access. He tasted of turkey and coffee and…Gibbs.

He pressed her into the wall of the hallway, increasing the intensity of the kiss as he did. She felt so good, just like he had imagined she would – and more. And he had fantasized about this moment, repeatedly. Never at NCIS, always at home in his quiet moments when he wished he had someone in his life.

Like a speeding car suddenly coming to a stop though, the reason this was a bad idea came crashing down around him. He'd had plenty of women in his life, warming his bed, keeping his house. But they never stayed, not one. Failed marriages and failed relationships ruled his life. He was good at the physical aspect, but not at anything else it seemed.

He pulled away from her as suddenly as he had initiated the contact.

"Kate…" he whispered into the darkened hallway.

She looked…confused. "Gibbs…what?"

"I…we can't do this," He stepped back. "It's a bad idea, you know it."

She looked down; she knew it was, but her reasons were vastly different and more practical. But he had felt so good, and just that one kiss left her wanting more, craving him unlike any other. It was an ache in her belly now, one she knew wouldn't just disappear.

"I…know."

"It's too hard, too complicated, Kate."

She looked up at him. "Yeah, wouldn't want it to be more complicated." Gibbs cringed at the hurt in her tone.

"I'm sorry; I shouldn't have…acted the way I did."

She said nothing, just held his eyes. Finally he placed his hands on either side of her face and kissed her forehead lightly.

She closed her eyes and sighed as his lips left her skin and she felt him move away from her.

"I'm…going to take a bath," she said quietly and headed to the bathroom.

"Ok." He grasped her arm lightly as she passed him. "This doesn't mean I regret being here with you."

She nodded solemnly and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

Kate turned the water on as hot as she could stand it and lowered her aching body into the warmth. Full contact football had been hard on her body; she could only imagine what Gibbs' looked like.

No, that was a bad idea, picturing Gibbs naked.

He had been right…in the hall. It was a bad idea, very bad. What if next week they were called back to DC; it would be so much more complicated. Would they even be allowed to work together? Would one have to leave the department, and possibly NCIS, for good?

Then again, what if they never got out of this? Would she be forced to spend years living in a house with a man she wanted with every piece of her body and soul and never be able to touch him? That was a hard way to live, and eventually something like that was sure to tear their friendship to pieces.

It was the cruelest kind of limbo they lived in now.

But she would rather have him as her friend than as nothing. And if they tried hard enough…

_Yeah, right Kate, keep telling yourself that._

She wanted everything: the cake, the icing and the ice cream. Damn the consequences.

Kate dipped her head under the water; it ran down her growing hair in rivulets when she came back up.

But she would respect Gibbs' wishes.

_He was right, he was right, he was right,_ she repeated to herself. _Then why does being apart feel so wrong?_

He sat on the couch, beer in hand, and watched the highlights of the football game. Trying to do anything but think of her, naked upstairs. Naked and very willing to fall into bed with him.

He needed to be the strong one here; she would follow his lead.

He was the leader, and that was another problem. Even though out here, away from DC, away from their lives, being the leader meant little. She wasn't his subordinate any longer, and technically fair game in a manner of speaking.

It wasn't even their NCIS status that stopped him as much as the thought of Lilly, Grace and Alexa. Three ex-wives. Though at his age, it wasn't a bad year-to-wife ratio. The number meant little; the reason for the dissolution of his marriages was the issue.

_"You work too much, Jethro. I never see you anymore. I found someone else"_

_"I needed you to TALK to me! Not pull this bullshit you do every time I want you to open up!"_

_"It's too hard, it's just too hard."_

Three women, three divorces, three statements. They all boiled down to the same thing: he was a lousy husband. Lilly may have cheated on him, but only because he pushed her to it by never being there. Grace was the one that threw things at him, most notably his nine iron. Alexa…he thought that would last forever; he loved her so much more than the others, he wanted it to work with her. So he tried, maybe not as hard as he should have, until that one damn case came along and that was it for them. Then again, she'd also tried to clobber him with a baseball bat.

Now there was Kate. And the feelings he had for her were even more intense than the ones for Lexie. That scared him more than anything. He couldn't stand the thought of having her, if even for an instant, and then having it turn bad. Because it would.

Eventually he would destroy her. Like all the rest.

He couldn't do that to her, hurt her like that. Couldn't turn her into a bitter woman; she was so much more than that. She was lightness and air and perfection in a small body. And he refused to change that, even to satisfy some carnal desire.

Never. He would be strong.

But even as he made the commitment, Gibbs had a feeling it wouldn't last. She was too much of a force of nature, simply unavoidable.

Eventually he drifted into sleep on the couch, never hearing Kate come down, shut off the TV and cover him with a blanket.

tbc…………………..


	9. Disappear

Title: When I'm Gone

AN: This one is a little shorter cause that's just how my chapter breaks worked out. I should have another up soon.

Last chapters musical reference was "Caught in the Sun" by Course of Nature. Someone out there is doing research! Im impressed.

Thank ye for the reviews, again. Over a hundred! Im giddy! Literally giddy.

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Chapter 9: Disappear

He was alerted to morning by sunlight streaming into the room. As he got up and stretched, Gibbs was very aware of how much physical activity he had gotten the day before when most of his muscles protested at the movement.

_Thank god I don't have to work today, _he thought.

Moving a little slower than he normally would have, Gibbs got up and started the coffee. Kate made an appearance in the kitchen shortly after the liquid started dripping into the carafe.

"See you couldn't sleep in either, huh?"

"Nope. Haven't slept in since boot camp."

She pursed her lips at him. "Impressive."

He shrugged and handed her a cup.

There was a tension between them now, slightly uncomfortable, but not unmanageable. What worried Kate was that it would only get worse as time went on and they didn't…act on it.

"Gibbs…I need to get away."

He looked confused. "Is this about last night?"

She shook her head emphatically. "NO. I just…I love Jake, but I'm with him every day. I need a break."

"Ok…"

"You are home today. If it's ok with you, I'm going out with Natalie."

"Out where?" He was curious.

She shrugged. "I don't know. She's going to show me the sights, maybe hit a spa. If we are feeling daring…the mall." She waggled her eyebrows at that last part and he smiled.

"The mall…the day after Thanksgiving?"

She took a sip of her coffee. "Hey, I need a dress for that dinner, right?"

He nodded and smiled at her, holding her eyes, hoping for something resembling absolution.

She gave him none.

"Look, Gibbs…I'm not going to pretend last night didn't happen, because it did." He started to speak but she stopped him by putting her hand up. "Let me finish. We aren't in DC, we aren't NCIS agents anymore, and you aren't my boss. Sometimes you have to go where your heart takes you and forget the rest, ignore the complications."

With that she put her cup in the sink and walked out, leaving him standing there, a small smile forming on his face.

She had ended up at the mall that day. Kate and Natalie had hit it at just the right time, it was busy, but not packed. She had easily found a beautiful formal dress that fit her perfectly, and a pair of shoes to match.

"Such a good body for having a kid, Kate. I'm still working off my weight." Natalie commented as they walked through the mall, the dress left with the upscale department store to be picked up when they where done. "What's your secret?"

Kate smiled. "Yoga and running. I've done it for years."

"Well, it shows. No wonder John looks at you like he does."

That got Kate's attention. "Really?"

Natalie smiled conspiratorially. "Like you're the only thing that matters in the universe. I remember that look. It's so refreshing to see that in a couple married so long, especially given the divorce rate these days."

Kate nearly laughed aloud at that comment -- if only she knew. The Marshals had actually made Kate his second wife; it was more believable. "John's been divorced, so I'm his second wife."

Natalie paled. "OH, I didn't know. I'm so sorry."

Kate smiled widely at her friend. "It's ok -- he married young and was divorced young. It was a foolish mistake."

"Does he have any other children?"

"No."

Natalie nodded and as they passed a store, Kate stopped in her tracks and pulled the other woman with her inside.

She returned home with the dress tossed over one arm and the purchase she made at the one store in a large paper bag. She had even managed to pick up some Christmas gifts for Jake-typical boy toys.

Entering the house, she called out for Jake and Gibbs, but no one responded. She dropped the bag on the floor of the living room.

"Hello?" she yelled again as she went up the stairs. Putting the dress in her closet (she had gracefully shared half with Gibbs) Kate yawned; it had been a long day, and she couldn't remember the last time she shopped for that long at once.

She carefully hid the bags from the toy and science stores and walked back downstairs, picking back up the paper bag and putting it on the kitchen island. She hoped he liked it, but there was no way she was waiting another four weeks to give it to him; he would make her nuts long before that.

Just as she was starting to wonder about the boys' whereabouts she heard the front door open and laughing permeated the condo, followed by little boy giggling.

Kate stepped out of the room and smiled. "Sounds like you had fun."

"Momma!" Jake hollered and ran at her, wrapping his arms around her waist and giving her a hug.

"Well, what did I do to deserve that?"

He shrugged silently and pulled away, a huge grin on his face. Kate looked at Gibbs to find a similar expression.

"What is going on with you guys?"

"We got you something." Jake said excitedly and looked to Gibbs, who Kate now noticed had one hand behind his back. Wow, her skills were slipping if she didn't notice that before.

"Really? What?"

"Poppa…"

Gibbs closed the gap between them, pulled his one hand from behind his back showing her a huge bouquet of what looked like fresh cut flowers. It was a beautiful array of fall flowers, dark maroons and oranges and yellows.

Jake was practically jumping with excitement. "I picked em! It was my idea Momma!"

Kate smiled and just barely held back tears. She looked at Gibbs intently but her words were directed at Jake. "They are beautiful, baby. Thank you."

She took them from Gibbs, her eyes never leaving his as she took in the fragrance.

"We were at a flower market. Little man insisted."

"I love them," she practically whispered. They were so wrapped in each other neither noticed the little boy grinning stupidly at them. _This is dangerous,_ the voice in her head told her, but she took no heed.

"They need water, Momma," the little boy informed them and the spell was broken.

"Oh, of course. Shall we?" she asked and took Jake's hand, leading him into the kitchen.

Gibbs followed them with a smile, watching as she pulled out a vase and had Jake help her cut the stems in the sink. Ok, he was mostly watching Kate, and her ass. He loved to sneak glances at her ass when he knew she wasn't looking. Workout time in the fitness center at NCIS had become his favorite place in the months before they left.

Kate laughed loudly at something Jake said and Gibbs tore his gaze away from them, only to notice the paper bag on the table.

"Kate," he called. "What's this?"

She turned her head about halfway to him as she placed the flowers in the vase. "It's for you."

He gave her a look and pulled the item closer to him, attempting to peak into the top to see the contents. Her task finished, Kate put the flowers in the center of the island and chided him.

"Just pull it out, Gibbs."

He did as instructed and was shocked by the contents. She had got him a boat in a bottle. Well, the pieces anyway -- he had to put it together.

"I couldn't very well have you starting another boat in this basement; this was the closest I could find."

He was stunned; to say the least, this was possibly the best gift he could have gotten. Leave it to Kate to know him THAT well. "It's…perfect, Kate. Thank you."

He moved around the island and pulled her into a tight hug; it was as far as he was willing to go with her. But holding her, smelling her hair, feeling her body next to his, he wondered if even this was too far, too tempting.

"You're welcome," she whispered and relished in his touch, as brief as it was.

The rest of the weekend passed in silence. Gibbs had asked her about the dress she bought and Kate refused to reveal details. They seemed to find a balance between friendship and something more that they could both live with – barely.

Sunday night Kate curled into her bed, happy to have found that balance, but her desire for him had not lessened; if anything it had only intensified. He was being so…sweet toward her; it was nearly killing her.

Sighing and tossing one more time, Kate fell into a deep sleep.

_Darkness.__ Complete and utter. The kind of darkness that held no hope of escape, she could only get lost by moving and wandering into the inky black, as if it would suck her in and never let her return. She had a sense that there was something bad in that blackness anyway, something that was looking for her and was unrelenting in its search._

_Something that wouldn't stop until she was dead._

_Dead.__ They were all dead._

_Jenna._

_Tony._

_Abby._

_Jake._

_Gibbs._

_Oh god. They had killed them getting to her. Killed them all. For her._

_No. No. No. No._

_Kate sunk to the hard ground she couldn't see and waited. She knew they would find her, they always did. And this time she wouldn't put up a fight. She would let them take her. At least she would be with them and not left here to fight this battle alone._

_She could hear them now. Their soft-soled shoes making squeaking noises on the floor. As they grew ever closer she suddenly realized she didn't want to die. _

_Gibbs wouldn't want her to give up. Ever._

_So now she stood, still blind but she could hear them, they were breathing hard._

_"COME AND GET ME!" she shouted into the dark. "Come get me you miserable bastards!"_

_Kate stood still as the noise stopped; they had stopped. She waited for what seemed like forever, and yet no movement, nothing._

_"Chickens," she said into the dark._

_And suddenly the area was bathed with light. _

_And she wished it wasn't. She wanted the darkness back._

_Because in the darkness she couldn't see the bodies of her friends and family lining the walls of a small room.__ Each one with their eyes wide open._

_Except Gibbs, he was missing._

_She turned to see not a man and not a monster, but something in-between standing there. In his hands was Gibbs' severed head. She could hear his blood dripping onto the tile floor._

_Drip._

_Drip._

Kate woke with a violent start, and immediately jumped out of bed, ran into the bathroom and promptly lost her dinner into the toilet.

She was still retching when the door opened slowly and Gibbs' voice called to her.

"Kate…you ok?"

She didn't answer, she was having a hard enough time breathing, much less talking to him. She could feel her whole body shaking; she was so cold, that bone-numbing cold that nothing would resolve. At the same time her face felt flushed, and that awful taste was in her mouth.

"Kate?" he questioned again and squatted next to her on the floor. "Jesus, Kate. Are you ok?"

She still couldn't speak, putting one hand on her forehead and feeling the sweat beaded at her hairline; instead she shook her head and resisted the urge to cry. The picture of the bodies still floated through her head.

And Gibbs…

She leaned over the toilet again and, despite the impression her stomach was empty, managed to throw up a little more. Gibbs' hand came down firmly on her lower back, stroking lightly, and the other gathered her hair away from her face.

Once she thought she was through, Kate leaned back into him, pressing her back firmly against his chest. He accepted her weight willingly and wrapped one arm around her waist, the other smoothing back damp hair from her face.

After a few moments she regained control of herself, and his body had managed to warm her some, but not nearly enough to erase that nightmare.

"Kate….what happened?" he whispered.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Kate…"

"Nightmare," she forced out. She stood to brush her teeth, but wobbled slightly; she was light-headed. He held out one hand and steadied her with a light grab.

"Are you ok?"

She looked at him sadly. "I'm just…cold."

He held out one hand once she was done brushing and guided her out of the bathroom. "Come on…"

He walked behind her into the bedroom and waited as she crawled under the covers, pulling them tight around her still shaking body.

He made a quick decision and went to the other side of the bed, lifting the covers and crawling in beside her, pulling her body into his.

She didn't protest, just settled in. "Thank you."

"Anytime," he whispered and stayed awake until she had stopped shaking and drifted into sleep.

When he woke the next morning the bed was empty, but still warm. He sighed at the feeling of a mattress under his body again but got up, no matter how reluctantly.

Coming down into the kitchen after a shower and dressing he found her sitting at the island, a mug in her hand. Silently he got his own cup and sat next to her, eyes forward.

"How did you sleep?" she finally asked.

"Fine." Now he looked at her. "That must have been one hell of a nightmare, Kate."

She shrugged, noncommittally.

Now he struggled about what to do, unsure how far to push it. "Do you…do you want to talk about it?"

"I'd rather not. It's over now." She flashed him a not all that convincing smile.

"All right."

She got up and put her now empty cup in the sink. "Thank you…for being there."

He could sense she didn't want to make a big deal of it. "You're welcome."

She walked back past him, pausing when she got behind him. "You know, you're a pretty good husband."

There was no chance for reply, because she continued on her path upstairs to change and go for her daily run.

tbc…………………….


	10. In a Little While

When I'm Gone

Ohhh, I know, I am PAINFULLY late with this update. I honestly have no clue how it happened, suddenly it was March and I hadnt updated in...forever.I beg of your forgiveness and offer this piece of fic as a gift.

I had a couple questions in my reviews this time around. Here be the answers…1) no, I will not be showing you the goings on at NCIS, I didn't want to pull away from the feel I had created here. Aside from Tony and the Director everyone else thinks they are dead and I wont be checking in on them. 2) There are 12 chapters so only 2 left. 3) re: the autopsy. We are just going to pretend they convinced Ducky the FBI should do them to avoid "bias" on his part. Heh.

The reviews are, as always, appreciated greatly. Thank you!

There is an extra note at the end….be sure to read it.

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Chapter 10: In a Little While

The next few weeks went by in a near blur, and there was barely time to feel uncomfortable about sleeping in the same bed or discuss her nightmare. Gibbs was working a lot to get a system up and running before the New Year and Kate was moving Jake along in his schoolwork while trying to give the house a festive feeling. They had gone out and gotten a real tree, which Jake had promptly decorated.

Kate had been waiting for the eventual emotional distress from Jake spending the first holiday without his parents. They had made an ornament just for them and hung it near the back, and aside from being quiet, there were no outbursts. Until the day before Gibbs holiday party.

She had been teaching him the states on a map when he had suddenly rebelled against her.

"And here's where we live…New York."

"I don't want to live here."

"What?"

He looked at her with a stony expression. "I don't want to live here anymore…Kate." He stressed the Kate.

"Josh, you know we have to."

"My name is Jake!"

_Not now, not now. _She thought to herself. Tomorrow he would be alone with Natalie, and while Kate trusted the woman, one slip up from Jake would mean moving.

She sighed. "What's wrong?"

"I want to go home!"

"Josh, this is home."

He stood up and looked at her. "NO! I want my house. MY HOUSE."

She reached for him, but he pulled away. "I know this isn't fun for you, Josh. But remember we said we could do it. To keep you safe."

"No! No!" He bolted from her and ran to his room; she could hear his footsteps on the stairs.

Kate sighed into her hands and propped her elbows up on the table. This was not good, not at all.

Gibbs chose that moment to come home and found her sitting at the dining room table, head in hands, looking…off.

"Hey."

She merely waved one hand at him.

"What's wrong?"

"Jake. He's…not dealing well. I think it's the holidays."

Gibbs dropped his stuff and sat next to her. "Something happen?"

"Yeah, but I'm not even sure what. We were discussing states and all of a sudden he tells me he wants to go home and his name is Jake."

"Oh…where is he now?"

"He ran to his room. I don't know what to do."

He placed one hand on her shoulder and stood. "Let me take care of it."

She gave him a grateful look. "Thank you."

Gibbs slowly opened Jake's bedroom door and found the boy sitting on his bed, staring into space.

"Hey, little man. Everything ok?"

"I don't want to be here anymore."

"Yeah, that's what Kate said." Gibbs moved toward him slowly and sat on the bed. "Why?"

"I don't like it here." His voice was soft.

"You did before."

"Well, I don't anymore." He was petulant at best.

"Jake, why?"

"I miss my Mom and Dad. I miss her singing Christmas songs, I miss her cookies, I miss my room. Kate doesn't sing."

Gibbs leaned into him. "Trust me, you don't want to hear her voice."

Jake smiled slightly.

"Look, buddy. This is weird for all of us; we are used to different things and expect different things. But we have to be here - you understand that, right? For our own protection."

"Yeah…"

"So let's make the best of what we have, ok? Kate and I want you here, very much."

He nodded slowly.

Gibbs pulled him into a hug and ruffled his hair. "It'll all be fine. I promise. And you can ask Kate, I never break promises."

They came down the stairs together and Jake immediately went to Kate who was fixing dinner and wrapped his arms around her.

"I'm sorry, Momma."

She knelt to his level. "It's ok to want to go home, Jake, but you understand we can't, right?"

He nodded.

"Good. Tell you what, later you tell me what you used to do at Christmas and we can do it this year."

"Snowmen!" he practically squealed.

"Snowmen…." Her voice betrayed her hesitation.

"Snowmen it is!" Gibbs exclaimed and looked at her with a smile; she knew she was screwed.

Kate slowly cleaned off the plates and put them in the dishwasher; Gibbs could tell she was avoiding going outside into the cold and snow.

He snuck up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her from the chore and into his body. He felt her relax into his arms slightly, silently giving consent to his touch. God, he had promised himself he wouldn't do this, wouldn't tempt himself. But she had looked so enticing standing there in tight low riding blue jeans and an equally form fitting pink sweater.

"You aren't getting out of this that easy, Agent."

"Get out of what?" she asked innocently and titled her head up slightly, revealing the pale flesh of her neck. He felt his heart start pumping just a little harder, and resisted the urge to sink his teeth into that skin and mark her as his. He licked his lips and pressed them together, causing just a twinge of pain.

"Out of the snowman."

"You know, why don't you and Jake handle that?" She was nearly squirming in his arms now, but he held fast. For a second, anyway. Because suddenly he was very aware of what her body was doing to his and he released her.

_Lilly, Grace, Lexie, _his brain whispered. It had become his mantra of late. His own talisman to keep the power of Kate from overtaking him. Unfortunately, it was losing its power and his self-control was slipping away with it.

"I don't think so. Get your coat and mittens on." He stepped away. "Ten minutes."

"Gibbs…" she whined.

"It's not like we didn't have snow in DC."

"Yeah, you know what would happen every year at my house? My older brothers would end up involving me in a snow fight because they knew it was the one thing I hated, and they were SURE to hit me the most. I hated the feeling of snow melting in my snowsuit and boots and soaking everything and the cold and…" She shuddered.

He gave her a smile that nearly warmed her whole being. "I promise - no fights that end up with snow in your clothes. Come on."

She grumbled slightly, but agreed, following him into the foyer and putting on her heavy coat, gloves and mittens.

Jake was already outside, pushing a small ball of snow around to make it bigger. She laughed as he came to a stop, the ball officially too big for him, and watched as Gibbs headed down the stairs and helped him finish the bottom.

In short order they had the middle in place and Kate was working on shaping the head; it wasn't easy in the snow. When she was done though, her creation bore a very similar resemblance to Frosty the Snowman. Jake had giggled at this, in complete contrast to his behavior a few hours ago.

Snowman completed and in a very visible spot in the front yard the three went inside. Kate made coffee for her and Gibbs and hot chocolate for Jake. They all sat quietly at the island, drinking and defrosting.

"Josh, you remember tomorrow you are off to Natalie's, right?"

"Yup!"

"You ok with that?" Kate was careful never to push him into something.

"Yeah, I like her."

Kate nodded and after they were done, she got Jake to bed, reading his favorite book to him.

Tired herself, Kate wandered back downstairs and caught Gibbs watching CNN. They tried not to put it on much; it was almost a reminder of their old life. Occasionally she wondered if Tony and McGee had worked cases they saw on occasion.

She imagined they did.

She sunk into an oversized chair by the door and looked over at Gibbs. "What time do we have to be there tomorrow?"

"Cocktails at six, dinner at seven. Six at the latest. You gonna be ready on time?" He raised one eyebrow at her in jest.

"Yes, I'm not that bad. Dropping Jake at Natalie's at four so I can get ready uninterrupted." She was quiet a second as they watched the female anchor go on about terrorism in the Middle East. "You ever wonder why they haven't called?"

"The Marshals?" She nodded. "Probably because we are still safe and they don't have anything. I'm sure if they know something they will tell us."

"Yeah, you're right. I'm heading up to bed. Goodnight."

"Night, Kate."

She allowed herself to sleep later that morning, since she expected a late night, and cut her normal run in half. For the most part they lazed around for the day, cleaning and doing laundry, but at four Kate walked Jake next door.

After giving Natalie her cell phone and instructions (twice) Kate looked at the little boy who depended on her with his life and nearly called off the whole thing. But then Jake did something unexpected.

He hooked one finger and indicated for her to bend down. She was confused, but complied. Jake wrapped his arms around her neck and whispered into her ear.

"It's ok, Momma. I'll be safe."

She hugged him tight and smiled. Kate stood and looked at Natalie. "Call us if you need to, for anything."

"We'll be fine, I remember this age."

"Ok…be a good boy," she directed at Jake before turning to the other woman. "One of us will pick him up when we get back."

Natalie gave her a conspiratorial smile. "Girl, I'll keep him as long as you need."

Kate nearly blushed at the implication. "Thanks, I better go get ready."

She gave Kate a 'get going' gesture and the younger woman complied, if a little reluctantly.

Returning to her own home, Kate started to head up the stairs to shower, but was stopped by Gibbs.

"Everything ok?"

"Yeah, it's just me. It's weird leaving him with someone that isn't…you."

He gave her an understanding look; it wasn't easy for him either. He had gotten attached to the boy in their short time here.

"I'm going to get ready."

He nodded and she went up to shower, with little enthusiasm, though. After she showered, did her hair and slipped into the dress, however, Kate was feeling a little better about the situation. It felt good to get dressed up.

She put one last spritz of spray on her hair and adjusted her dress; it was…tricky to make it stay put. Holding her shoes in her right hand, Kate walked down the stairs to find Gibbs adjusting his tie in the foyer mirror. She took a second to openly stare.

He looked…fantastic in the black tux. She had seen plenty of men in tuxes in her day, but none looked like Gibbs. It sent a warm flush through her body.

When he heard her on the stairs, Gibbs took a minute to adjust his tie before turning to her. But when he did, his heart dropped.

She looked stunning: a vision in satin. The dress was floor length, deep burgundy, and the material looked smooth - he could only imagine what it would feel like on his fingers. She came down the rest of the stairs and spun once for him.

Gibbs had to swallow the lump in his throat. This was…cruel and unusual punishment. The dress was halter style, tied at her neck, and from the knot several inches of extra material fell onto her back.

Her wonderfully naked back.

The dress left her back completely exposed to the arch just north of her behind. But that was nothing compared to the front. The style of the dress allowed a deep V in the front. A seriously deep V that ended just above her navel, where the material bunched slightly before following the line of her ribcage at an angle down and back where it covered her ass.

He was speechless for what could have been the first time in his life. But as she bent over to put on the strappy high-heeled shoes he got an eye-full down the dress and had to look away.

When she stood, the shoes brought her to nearly his height. She had slightly curled her hair that had grown an inch or two, and was now a toned down version of the red she initially had.

"You look… spectacular, Kate."

She smiled. "You don't look too bad yourself, handsome."

Betraying none of the apprehension her appearance caused in him, Gibbs smoothly turned and got her coat out of the closet, holding it out while she shrugged into it.

The ride to the banquet hall was quick and silent, each lost in their own thoughts. Actually, Gibbs was trying to keep his mind off the woman sitting next to him, but with every breath he got a whiff of her light perfume and was reminded all over again.

They gave the SUV to the valet and checked their coats before heading into the massive ballroom. It was set up to serve at least 500, with a band and good-sized dance floor in the middle along the far wall. To their right was the bar and cocktail table.

He leaned into her. "Would you like a drink?"

"Yes, wine please."

"You wait right here." He winked and walked away.

She took the time to look around the room; it was decorated festively, but not holiday specific. White light twinkled above the dance floor and each table held a vase with white and red flowers. The music that played now was soft and slow as the people around her mingled, and she had already caught more than one man staring at her. She didn't care; Kate looked good and she reveled in it.

Gibbs returned a few moments later and handed her a glass with thick red liquid in it. In the other hand was a full beer glass.

Still staring into the hall, Kate spoke. "This company doesn't skimp on much, does it?"

"Not really," he commented and took a deep drink. "Find our table?"

"Sure."

He led her through the hall; they had already picked up the card with "Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell" and the number ten on it.

After several minutes of looking, in which time Kate nearly finished her drink, he found the right place. The two men who were seated greeted Gibbs warmly, standing and shaking hands. Quickly Kate was introduced to them; the older gentleman was James, the (barely) younger of the two Michael, and their wives, Elizabeth and Margaret, respectively. They all seemed to be around Gibbs' age, perhaps a little younger.

The women eyed her with something resembling distain; Kate merely gave them a smile. She was used to it - a younger woman with an older man usually brought glares and whispers. But Gibbs was by no means the first older man she had been with, so she was used to dealing with it.

The couples chatted for a few minutes, mostly about mundane things, and the women had seemed warm to her, at least a little, by the time dinner arrived right on time at seven.

They ate in relative silence, Kate draining another glass of wine with dinner, though she didn't even feel the alcohol yet. A positive aspect of her fast metabolism - that and she ate everything on her plate and enjoyed it.

The entire night Gibbs had been especially tactile with her. Leaving his hand on the skin at the small of her back when they walked, touching her hand lightly, standing impossibly close. Every time he touched her she closed her eyes just a little and got lost in the feeling of his skin on hers. She would do anything to keep that feeling - and maybe more.

After dinner everyone had coffee and small pieces of a delicious chocolate cake; Gibbs had even shared half of his with her.

"I swear, I don't know where you put all that, Kate."

She licked her fork somewhat seductively getting every last morsel of chocolate. "Wouldn't you like to know."

He raised his eyebrows at her.

"If you'll excuse me," she said to the table and got up, the men standing with her as she sashayed away. Gibbs watched her a second longer than the others, torn between an incredible need to have her and the logic that screamed at him. _Lilly, Grace, Lexie, _his brain hollered, and he sighed, sitting back down.

When he turned back the other men asked if he wanted to hit the bar; he agreed and stood, leaving the women to cackle together. He distinctly heard Kate's name being said as they walked away.

James turned to him as they waited in line. "Lovely wife, John."

Michael agreed. "A real knockout." James gave him a strange look; he hadn't been commenting on Kate's looks.

Gibbs merely nodded. "Thank you."

Michael, who Gibbs had actually considered lost on the concept of tact, spoke next. "Second marriages are the best. Younger wives."

He didn't know why he did it, but he was pissed, and at that second the damn script didn't matter. "She's my first, and only, wife."

Michael had the grace to look chagrined and James just shook his head at the man's mistake.

By then they were at the front of the line and he ordered another beer and a wine for Kate. Mentally he was berating himself for the mistake. It wasn't a big one by any stretch, but for some reason he expected someone to suddenly appear and whisk them away because he screwed up

He stood with the other men a moment, watching the activity around him with interest, waiting for that mystery Marshal to appear. It was illogical but that didn't matter to his brain.

The Marshall never came. Instead she did.

He felt rather than saw her return, the swishing of her dress setting something off in his head as she sidled up next to him and took the wine from his hand.

_The dress fell to the floor in a whoosh of fabric…She was now before him in nothing but what she was born in._

_Stop it, _he chided himself.

"So, are there any bogey men?" her musical voice asked in his ear.

_How did she know? _he answered himself. _Because she knows you, dumbass._

"No, no bogey-men."

"Good, because I would hate to have my good time ruined." She looked off into the crowd.

"Are you having a good time? Really?"

"Absolutely, I'm with you." She took another sip of her wine and smiled over the glass.

Now he smiled and looked down, tipping his head slightly.

The band had started playing music that was actually acceptable for dancing. Gibbs watched as the two men he was with gathered their wives.

He nudged her lightly with a shoulder. "Do as the Romans do?"

"Is that your way of asking me to dance?"

"I suppose it is."

"Then I accept." She put her glass down and he did the same, grabbing her hand as they walked to the dance floor.

Initially they started with a space between them, but as the song went on, Gibbs pulled her tighter and tighter, finally sliding his hand across the fabric of her dress at her hip.

It was better than he expected, smooth and soft under his fingers.

Moving in small circles, Kate as close to him as humanly possible, her head resting on his shoulder, all the reasons they shouldn't be together went right out the window. He loved the feeling of her in his arms, soft feminine scent invading his nose, hair tickling his neck.

One song ended and the next began but neither moved to release the other. Instead Gibbs got bolder, sliding one hand along the exposed skin at her lower back, letting his ring and pinkie finger slip under the dress, just touching the top of her behind. He felt her shudder in his arms and smiled slightly at the reaction.

Her skin felt even better than the dress if it was possible - smoother than silk. That electricity was heavier than ever; it was almost hard to breathe. Every nerve in his body was aware of her, every breath she took, even the slightest move registered with him.

Her head never left the spot on his shoulder and he turned his, placing his lips near her ear.

"Is this a bad idea?" he asked quietly. He tried to hide the tremor in his voice, but failed.

"What? Dancing?" Her voice was thick and heady and it caused a visceral response in him. He could only picture (at least for now) that tone coming from her in bed.

"That's not what I'm talking about."

They were in their own world now; the couples around them faded into the distance.

Her answer was quick and decisive. "No, its not." She never moved her head from his shoulder, but now one of her hands was moving slowly up and down his back.

He rested his cheek against her hair and slid the hand on her lower back higher, stopping between her shoulder blades.

The song ended and now they were forced to part, as the Chairman was getting ready to speak. But before exiting the floor Gibbs leaned down and placed a kiss on her lips. She moaned into his lips and reluctantly walked off the floor.

Almost as a consolation, he grabbed her hand in his and rubbed one thumb across her knuckles.

They sat back at the table, moving the chairs closer to one another. During the entire speech, which seemed to last an eternity, Gibbs kept one hand on her, always keeping contact. It was almost painful to be able to touch her but not…touch her. They both knew what would happen that night.

She tried so hard not to look at him, afraid that if she did she would jump him right there in the ballroom. That would certainly get them some looks.

They clapped politely as the Chairman finished and told them to enjoy the evening.

Kate looked at Gibbs with a wanton expression.

"You want to head home?" he asked.

"Ohh yes."

He nodded and gathered his jacket off the back of his chair. They bid a farewell to the rest of the table, claiming to need to pick up Josh from the sitter.

They made a brief stop to collect their jackets and waited an eternity at the valet to get the car.

Safely in the confines of the car, he could see Kate practically squirming in her seat. It was going to be a long thirty-minute ride home.

Unfortunately, or maybe it was fortunate, Kate found a way to amuse herself, taking the hand he didn't have on the wheel and massaging it lightly. He eyed her; he could sense she was up to something.

And he was right. He accelerated and if he was lucky he could get them home in 20 minutes. Before he knew it they were in the driveway, Kate licking her lips.

They got out quietly and walked up the stairs, Gibbs wrapping his arms around her waist, trailing kisses along her warm skin. She moaned and arched back into him, pushing the key in the door and throwing it open.

Gibbs gave a quick look out the door and shut it; it was time for just him and Kate. At least for a little while.

The rest of the weekend passed in haze of newness. Gibbs was more attentive than usual, which Kate didn't think was possible-but she was proven wrong repeatedly. He was constantly touching or just staring at her. And she was more than happy to share the bed now, which relieved him in more than one way.

She didn't care about the consequences once they got back; it would be something to deal with when, and if, it happened. For now they reveled in outwardly acknowledging their feelings without repercussion. Kate was surprised to find that her normally closed off boss was actually very open and giving in a relationship.

Even Jake had sensed the change and Monday morning after Gibbs left (but not before kissing her hard and deep) Jake questioned her in that seven-year-old way.

"Momma?" he asked while doing addition problems she had set for him.

"Yes?"

"Do you love Pop?"

She was surprised by the question; she hadn't thought about it, honestly. "I don't know."

He seemed to contemplate that a moment. "You kiss like my real Mom and Dad did. Before."

She bit her lower lip slightly; it was the first mention of his parents in a neutral way since their deaths. "Your Mom and Dad loved you very much, Jake." She intentionally used his given name.

"I know." He fiddled with the pencil in his hand. "I miss them..."

She hugged him. "It's ok to miss them, and it's ok to talk about them, Jake. As long as you only do it with Gibbs and I."

He nodded. "I like being here with you, but it's not the same."

"You are doing a great job, though. I'm very proud of you."

"You're doing good too, Kate."

She sniffled slightly.

"What happens when they find them?"

"Find who?"

"The men who killed my parents. Do we go back to DC?"

"Yeah, I suppose so. But that may not be for a very long time."

He wrote 7 down in the answer to what three plus four was. "I won't get to stay with you, will I?"

She didn't see the need to lie to him or avoid the truth she tried not to think about herself. "That depends on if they can find a relative."

"Oh."

Suddenly she stood up and pulled the pencil from his hand. He looked up at her confused.

"Tell you what? Winter break starts now - no more school until after Christmas."

"Really?"

"You bet!"

They spent the rest of the day either outside making snow angels or inside watching Jake's favorite cartoons. Kate tried hard not to think about the possibility that he could be taken from her, for it was her worst case scenario. Kate was prepared, even after returning, to take the boy into her home, permanently. She hadn't discussed this with Gibbs, or even mentioned it in passing, since she had only decided it recently herself - before they had slept together. That is if they ever went home.

Before she knew it, Christmas was here. Gibbs was home Christmas Eve and they celebrated quietly; watching old movies on TV snuggled on the couch together. Kate laughed at _A Christmas Story_ when the young boy was being wrapped in layer upon layer of clothes to go outside. By then Jake was sound asleep, curled into Kate's side, who was then curled into Gibbs.

Kate shifted slightly to allow Gibbs room to get up; he grabbed the boy and put him to bed, returning a few minutes later with a small box in his hand.

He sat down next to her and held the box out-it was long and narrow; it was wrapped beautifully…and in Tiffany blue. It wasn't a ring, she knew that at least just based on the shape.

"Gibbs…"

"I thought we could exchange tonight…without Jake around."

She gave him a smile and walked to the tree, pulling out a square box and sitting back next to him on the couch, facing each other.

"You first," he said and handed over the box.

She stared at it a moment before carefully removing the tape on one end, then the other and pulling the beautiful blue wrapping off. Now she was faced with a blue box with white "Tiffany" lettering on top. _Oh god, he hadn't really gone to Tiffany's…._

With an almost shaking hand she opened the box and gasped aloud. Nestled in soft white satin was a platinum cross on a chain; slightly bigger than her old one, but not by much. It was perfect.

She picked it up and held it in her hands, amazed at his thoughtfulness.

He carefully took it from her and wrapped the chain around her neck, clasping it for her as she held her hair up.

'I know you couldn't take yours since that was something your family would have noticed missing and would have wanted"

She blinked the tears away and leaned into him, kissing him with every emotion in her. "It's perfect, Gibbs. Thank you."

Pulling away she absently touched the cross, the precious metal giving her a warm, loved feeling. Smiling she handed over her gift and held one hand to her neck as he opened it.

Gibbs opened her wrapping with less precision than she had - tearing into it and opening the square box. In it was a silver flask, very much like the one he had in DC. Picking it up, he noted the weight, and the engraving on the back…

"New York, December 18th, 2004, Kate."

It was devoid of much sentiment to an outside observer-the date meaningless - but it was something special to them both, and it warmed him to see it carved into the silver plate on the flask.

"Kate, it's perfect."

She smiled as he leaned into her and placed his lips gently on hers. Everything was perfect.

The next morning Jake was standing on her side of the bed at 6 am, obviously ready to tear into the presents that were awaiting him under the tree. They forced him to wait long enough to brew coffee; he waited impatiently – tapping one foot on the floor.

"Ok, we get it. Hang on," Kate finally said as she finished stirring. As she pulled the spoon out Jake bolted into the living room and Kate could hear him shaking the presents she had so sneakily wrapped over the past week and she and Gibbs had placed under the tree late last night.

They walked into the room to find Jake sitting somewhat patiently in the middle of gifts he had pulled out from the tree. Kate sat on the couch and Gibbs followed, sitting close.

She smiled and placed her head on his shoulder as Jake ripped into the first gift.

It hadn't taken but 30 minutes and it was all over. Wrapping paper littered the floor, along with bows and ribbon.

Jake was happily playing with a remote control car when Gibbs leaned into her.

"I think this is the best Christmas I've ever had."

She smiled. "Me too…well, close anyway."

He reached out and brushed some hair back and leaned into her, kissing lightly.

"I'm glad I'm here."

"Me too…"

tbc…………………. One more note: there will be an NC-17 insert for this chapter. I'm writing it now, so it should be up soon at the gibbskateff yahoo group before the end of the monthif you want to read it.


	11. Echo

When I'm Gone

AN: Almost over guys….this is the second to the last chapter, but a lot of the good stuff happens here. Last chapter's song was "In a Little While" by Papa Roach.

I want to take a moment to express my deepest thank you to everyone who took the time to review, be it long or short. All are appreciated. Please don't forget to leave authors reviews if you like their story, you have NO idea how great it is to hear that someone appreciates what you have slaved over for weeks or months.

The last chapter will be posted on Tuesday, since theres no new NCIS that day. Enjoy...

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Chapter 11: Echo

Kate had resumed a half-day schedule with Jake the Monday after Christmas. He was doing very well in her estimation; they were up to reading entire chapters in books. That afternoon the skies dumped nearly 8 inches of snow on the city and they elected to stay indoors, reading some for fun and watching cartoons for a little bit.

They had both dozed off on the couch, and were sleeping when Gibbs came home, shaking the snow off his coat and boots.

Walking into the living room he nearly laughed aloud at the sight in front of him. Kate was curled into an oversized chair, Jake was sprawled out face down into the couch and both were sleeping soundly.

Silently he headed upstairs and changed into a pair of sweatpants and sweatshirt, putting the suit in the pile to be dry-cleaned. Kate took all his suits in once a week.

Coming back down he made more noise and was not surprised when Kate's head popped up, looking around.

The instant she saw him, her face broke out into a grin and she got up, greeting him with a hug and brief kiss. He could get used to this treatment everyday.

"Hey." She looked at his clothes. "How long have you been home?"

"Not long, you looked so peaceful."

"Mmmm, tired, I guess. Someone has been keeping me up."

"Who would that be?" he asked and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"No clue."

"Well, this week you can catch up on your beauty sleep. Not that you need it."

"Good answer, but why?"

"Well, since we are ahead of schedule on the project, they want to implement this week into all the systems, and complete it by Friday."

"Wow, don't you sound like you know something about computers…."

That earned her a swat on the butt and a look. "Point is, I need to work nights to make sure everything goes as planned. They are doing the installs at night when no one is there."

"Nights?" Her tone was not pleased.

"I'll be home during the day. It's only 10 to 6."

She raised one eyebrow at him and parroted his earlier remark. "Really?"

"I have to be there tomorrow at 10, ending on Thursday night."

"That might not be so bad…."

"Nope…" He looked around and sniffed the air. "I take it no dinner yet?"

"Nope, got…distracted."

He smiled at her. "Pizza from the corner?"

"You read my mind. I'll order, you wake the beast."

"Yes, ma'am."

She shook her head and pulled from his embrace.

The first night was odd for her. Despite only sharing her bed with him for just over a week, she had already gotten used to his warm body being near her. He never really cuddled with her in bed, but she knew he was there, close by.

She woke at every strange sound and slept with her gun at her bedside instead of in the closet, hidden away from children's grasp. Both she and Gibbs had discussed the importance of never, EVER touching their guns if Jake saw them. It had been stressed and practically beaten into his head, so Kate felt safe leaving it out for a few nights.

She was enjoying her days with Gibbs; he typically slept until about 1 in the afternoon and then got up and they either went out or found stuff to do around the house. For two days the system worked great, and Kate had seen a good portion of New York City in the winter.

By Thursday she was ready for him to be home at night; it felt so empty without him. Maybe being separated from Jake wasn't Kate's only problem when they eventually returned to DC. Gibbs could become a bigger one. They had started something special here, something she didn't want to give up. Then again, she loved her job and the people she worked with…even Tony.

The same old questions about their working status at NCIS and returning to "real life" started floating through her head. If they ever had real life back again.

Lying in bed she decided as she drifted off that they would have to talk about this tomorrow, like it or not. She wanted some answers before it became an issue; it would ease her mind.

She was deep in sleep when a strange noise invaded and brought her to consciousness. Blinking she looked at the clock…3:30 am, maybe it was Gibbs getting in early. He had mentioned it was a possibility since it was the last night and all had gone well.

Staying still she focused on the noise and in an instant realized it was NOT Gibbs. There were two people for sure, and they had come in through the back door, not the garage door.

Quietly she got out of bed and grabbed her gun off the bedside table. She tiptoed into the hallway and stood silently near the top of the stairs, she could hear them moving in the kitchen now, their rubber boots making a slight squeaking noise on the tile. It didn't sound like Gibbs, which convinced her it wasn't him.

Kate walked across the hallway and entered Jake's room, waking him roughly and with a hand over his mouth. The little boy woke with a start, giving her a frightened expression.

"Kate?" No Momma this time.

She put one finger over her lips. "Shhhh…remember what I taught you if something bad happened?"

"Yeah…"

"Do it right now, Jake."

He seemed to freeze a moment, then she prodded him and he nodded before moving into his closet, removing the panel and crawling inside. She quickly replaced the panel and covered the area with toys, books and a hamper; for all Kate knew this was just a robbery, but she wasn't about to take that chance.

Moving back into the hall, she came to the stairs again and was surprised not to hear anything. She stood silent again, straining to hear any movement, focused down the stairs.

She was shocked when noise came from her bedroom.

Turning her head she came face to face with one of the intruders, before she could even pull her gun up he had one pointed at her head – silencer and all. He was dressed in all black with a black baseball cap no attempt at all to hide his face. It was Mason.

"DON'T scream and hand it over."

She did as instructed and he threw her gun into the office. She watched it slide under the desk.

"Where is he?"

She swallowed roughly; her throat was dry. "Who?"

The man's eyes squinted at her and he punched her hard across the jaw with his left hand, leaving the gun pointed at her. Kate resisted showing any kind of reaction, and after turning her head back, she spit out blood on the floor by his shoe before staring at him dead on.

She would not tell him anything, even if it meant her life.

"Stupid bitch," he hissed and grabbed her by her hair, yanking her head back violently.

She still didn't make a sound.

"Where is your 'husband'?" He tugged a little harder.

"He went out to get something for me, but he'll be right back. You better hope you're not here when he does."

That's when his accomplice came out of her bedroom and headed directly to Jake's, giving her a sadistic grin as he went by.

"Get what for you?"

"Cold medication."

He closed the gap between them and looked at her closely. "You don't look sick, Agent Todd."

The use of her given name startled her, and she must have shown it because he gave her a self-satisfied smirk.

He turned his attention away from her and toward Jake's bedroom, with an annoyed expression on his face. She breathed a sigh of relief; they hadn't found him yet.

"Where is the boy?"

She stayed silent and he dug the end of his gun into her abdomen.

"Once more, where is he?"

She merely gave him a nasty look.

He grabbed her around the throat and threw her against the wall, pressing hard into her trachea. Kate felt a rush of air escape her, and he pressed a little harder, completely cutting off her oxygen flow.

In a matter of seconds she was starting to struggle for air, bringing her hands up to claw at his in an attempt for release. He did nothing but smile. She could sense blackness in her peripheral vision, and started to fight a little harder, now going for his face and eyes while she kicked out.

His arms, however, were slightly longer than hers and he avoided her attempts easily. By then the other man had joined in and grasped her hands in his, stopping her.

She knew she had run out of air when her lungs starting burning painfully. It was then that he let her go and leaned his lips into her ear, whispering.

"I can do this all night, Agent. Can you?"

Still struggling to bring much needed oxygen into her lungs, Kate brought one knee up and, taking advantage of the fact he thought she was incapacitated, made contact with his nuts. Both men were so surprised by her actions they paused long enough to allow her to run toward her bedroom.

She never made it to her intended target: her cell phone.

Instead she was knocked down from behind, and violently turned onto her back. She tried to scream, but her throat was raw from being choked and she barely managed a squeak.

The man she recognized straddled her body and instructed his accomplice to tear the place apart looking for Jake, knowing she must have hid him.

Kate fought under his weight, trying to inch toward the night table, where the phone rested. His weight was too much for her though and he stilled her by pinning both arms down above her head with one large hand around her smaller wrists.

He kept the gun trained on her side.

"We will find him, Agent know that. I don't screw up twice. Gibbs will come home to a bloodbath and I'm sure he will take it very hard."

He gave her a feral grin and she felt it before hearing the quiet ping of the silencer.

The pain started as a pinprick in her side but quickly spread through her abdomen; it felt like fire was consuming her from the inside out.

He had shot her in the stomach.

Shit.

The man stood up and looked down at her. She couldn't do anything; the pain was unbearable. Both her hands flew down to the area and pressed lightly on the wound, trying to keep her life from bleeding onto the tan carpet. It wasn't helping though, and she could feel the blood seeping slowly through her fingers.

"Stomach wounds are very painful, and can take up to twenty minutes to kill you. But I'm sure you know that." He smirked again. "Goodbye, Agent Todd. It was nice meeting you."

She watched as he left the room, trying to raise her head, but the action sent acute throbbing through her abdomen. Taking a different tack, she tilted her head slightly back against the carpet where it wasn't as painful. She could see the edge of her phone; it was slightly above her, more than an arms-length away.

This was going to hurt, but she didn't have a choice. She had to do something before she couldn't do anything.

Biting her lip hard, Kate stretched her right arm up, reaching despite the sudden nausea that overcame her. She pulled her arm back and took a deep breath to hold off a faint feeling. With each movement, she could feel the blood increase its stream, starting a puddle at her lower back.

The blood felt warm, even as she started to feel cold inside; she was practically shivering. She had to hurry since everything was getting dark.

Gritting her teeth one more time, she reached again this time coming into contact with the edge of the table, and she gripped onto it despite the blinding pain. Sliding her hand across, she found the phone and knocked it down next to her head.

Kate was suddenly tired, very tired, and she wanted nothing more than to close her eyes. But she knew if she did she wouldn't wake back up. Breathing through her nose she could hear the men downstairs opening doors – still looking for Jake.

Her eyes floated closed for a second before she snapped them back open.

_Phone, Kate. Call someone._

She reached up with one hand, keeping the other firmly pressed against the now seeping wound. It was getting worse; Kate felt dizzy, short of breath and freezing and moving her arm was becoming increasingly difficult. But she managed to grab the phone and flip it open.

All the numbers looked…jumbled.

Going by memory she dialed the easiest number she knew and then dropped the phone to the ground. The darkness had caught up with her and Kate gave into it this time, hoping that at the very least Jake would make it out alive. As she drifted off, Kate heard a voice calling through the phone.

"911, what's your emergency?"

She was unable to respond. Death was knocking.

tbc…………………………Tuesday, hang onto then.


	12. In the End

When I'm Gone

AN: This is the end my friends. It's sad really to see the story come to a close. Siiiigh. I hope you have enjoyed the ride, and again, feel free to review even on the last chapter. Italics are the past, Im sure you can figure that out.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to EVERYONE who took the time to leave me a review. I read every last one and appreciate them all. You guys are some of the best fans. I never expected to have this many reviews on this fic (nearly 200 by now!), its officially my second most reviewed story. And that's because of you.

Last chapters song title was "Echo" by Trapt. Since there isnt another chapter, this one's "In the End" by Linkin Park. Thanks for playing!

I will be back with one more story hopefully soon. It's a bit darker than my usual fic, and is taking longer to write. Maybe by May you'll see the first chapter. Until then….

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Chapter 12: In the End 

The pain was gone. The fire she thought would consume her had been put out and she felt as though she was floating. She couldn't quite feel her extremities; she knew they were there, but she couldn't control them if she tried.

She didn't care.

Everything was black and her eyes weren't opened. She could hear…something in the distance.

Talking. A familiar voice.

She loved that voice, even when it was rough and cranky, especially when it was soft and seductive.

She felt like she was in that place between being awake and sleep; it wasn't unpleasant but it wasn't right either. She was supposed to be somewhere else, someplace important.

She opened her eyes slowly to a dim room. It only took a second for her to realize exactly where she was. Hospital.

"Gibbs," she choked out, her throat was still rough from abuse and the intubation from surgery.

There was a light squeeze on her left hand. "Hey, Kate."

She turned her head toward the voice slowly. It hurt to move. "Hurts…"

"I know. You're lucky to be alive…."

_He ran up the stairs screaming her name. "KATE! KAAATE!"_

_Gibbs instantly turned toward their room and found his worst nightmare. Kate was lying on the bedroom floor, motionless. Even in the dim lighting he could see the blood splashed across the front of her shirt. _

_Flipping on the bedroom light, he rushed to her side. Her lips were already starting to turn blue, her skin the pallor of the already dead. Reaching out one shaking hand he felt for a pulse: it was weak, but there._

_911 was called in an instant and he relayed the address, telling them to hurry; his voice broke on the words._

"_Kate…" he whispered and touched her cheek, but the skin was ice cold. "Stay with me…"_

"_I'm here…" _

_It was barely a whisper, and he could hear the effort she put into it._

"_Shhhhh….ambulance is on its way."_

"_Gibbs…" Her lips barely moved and she took a shuddering breath. _

_He grabbed her hand tightly and squeezed. Tears stung his eyes but did not fall. "It's going to be ok…"_

She licked her lips. "You told me it would be ok. You always…keep your promises."

He picked her hand up and kissed it lightly. "I do. Get some rest, Kate. We'll talk again when you're more rested."

She nodded and her eyes fluttered closed…but one word escaped her lips. "Jake…"

Gibbs gave her a smile that was a mix of sadness and relief. "He's fine. Sleep."

Within seconds she was out and Gibbs brushed hair off her forehead. Jake was a conversation he wasn't prepared to have yet.

_He was holding one of her hands with his while the other used a pillowcase he had stripped from the bed to stem the tide of blood. A small voice from the door startled him._

_"Kate…"_

_Gibbs snapped his head around and saw Jake standing behind the door jam in the hall. He looked terrified and it wasn't hard to figure out why._

_"Jake," Gibbs said and waited until the boy looked at him to finish. "I need you to do something. There is an ambulance coming, I want you to go next door and stay with Natalie. I'll be over soon."_

_The little boy nodded slowly._

_"Now, Jake."_

_With that Jake ran down the stairs and Gibbs heard him working the locks on the front door._

_There was silence, save for Kate's increasingly labored breathing, for several long minutes before he heard the door squeak open and someone call out._

_"Hello? Someone called 911?" He would only find out later the reason they arrived so quickly was because she had called herself._

_"Up here, master bedroom…god. Hurry!"_

_In a few short moments they had pushed Gibbs out of the way and were frantically working on Kate, applying pressure, starting IV's. The older EMT turned to him._

_"We have to go…now."_

_Gibbs just nodded, following them downstairs. Natalie was standing on the sidewalk by his driveway, wrapped tightly in a coat, with Jake nowhere to be seen. Before getting into the ambulance with Kate, Gibbs turned to her._

_"Natalie…"_

_"I'll watch him, John don't worry."_

_"Thank you. I'll call you as soon as I can."_

_She nodded and he climbed in a mere second before the ambulance pulled away._

_While watching the EMT's work furiously, he pulled out his cell phone and made one call._

_"Director? This is Gibbs. There's been a problem…."_

Gibbs sat at her bedside for the third day in a row; he barely left except to get food or coffee. Strings had been pulled to allow him such access. The director hadn't questioned why he just did it.

The Marshals had already been to the hospital where she was still registered as Katherine Mitchell. They were sure that the two men now in government custody were the end of the line, but it was better to be safe.

The Marshals. They had provided profuse apologies for James Mason and Al Majid finding their location but couldnt explain how, they suspected a leak. Al had been their terrorist connection, sent by the buyers to ensure the termination of Gibbs, Kate and Jake and continuation of their information flow from potentially another US military man.

Tony had arrived late yesterday to deliver a harsh blow and see how Kate was doing.

"How is she?" the younger agent asked, all business.

"She'll make it, but it was close." Gibbs was short.

Tony nodded and looked down, unsure how to deliver the news.

"Spit it out, Tony."

For not the first time Tony wondered how Gibbs did that. "I found relatives."

Gibbs, who had been watching Kate through the window turned back to him. "Jake?"

"Yeah, the Lt Commander had a distant cousin living in Atlanta. Apparently they had a falling out several years ago about something no one can even remember anymore. They were starting to patch it up when he was moved to Norfolk and disappeared. He and his wife are more than willing to take Jake."

Gibbs ran a hand across the back of his neck. "Ok, thanks, Tony. I assume the Marshals know this?"

Tony nodded. "They approved it."

Gibbs had been forced to go to Natalie, explain the situation to her and try and calm a young boy who didn't want to go with Agent Adams. Eventually he gave up and became resigned, as if he knew from the night before events that this was the end for the family they had created.

Gibbs had reassured him that he and Kate would come visit. The Marshals had agreed to a meeting once Kate was well enough. But first they had wanted a debriefing on the events of the night, as he knew them.

_He pulled into the garage, closing the door behind him. It had been a long night, but they had finished on time. Everything was working as expected and he was walking into the condo earlier than expected. Gibbs couldn't have been happier to be back, to crawl into bed with Kate and hold her close for a few hours. If he was really lucky, maybe she would stay in bed with him and get her morning exercise a different way. She brought out the teenager in him; he would stay in bed all day and worship her if she gave him half a chance._

_As his hand reached for the door leading into the kitchen, Gibbs stopped. There was noise on the other side. And voices. Men's voices._

_Silently he dropped the briefcase and his coat and looked around the garage. His gun was in the master bedroom. Not much use to him now._

_That's when he spied it. The ax. He lifted it and tested its weight in his hands. It felt…deadly._

_Quietly he opened the door just a crack and saw a man walk past the door, oblivious to Gibbs' presence. Then he heard the second one; they were talking to each other at the doorway between the kitchen and dining room._

_One wouldn't be a problem for the marine, but two…and without a gun. That was some long odds._

_Thankfully they gave him an opening when they agreed to split up. One went to the basement while the other started opening closet doors on the main level. Gibbs shifted position and found his target with his back to him. _

_Gibbs moved at a lightening pace, using the handle of the ax to knock the intruder out cold before he even knew he was a target. Rolling the body over, Gibbs recognized him as Mason._

_They had found them._

_He heard footsteps on the stairs and slipped behind the door jam, waiting in the shadows as the other man walked past him. He got the same treatment as the first and was quickly rendered out cold on their kitchen floor. _

_He ran up the stairs…calling her name…._

On her third day in the hospital, she woke up while he was getting coffee. When he opened her door to find her eyes opened and alert, the dark depression that had become a permanent resident in his body lifted.

"Hey, how long have you been awake?"

"Not long…" She eyed his cup and smiled. "I should have known."

"I should have been here," he said as he sat down, leaving the cup on a table behind him.

"It's ok. You're here now."

He touched her face slowly. "And I'm never leaving."

"Mmmm, hope not. I've finally got you broken in."

He chuckled and shook his head. There was silence for several minutes before she spoke again, her voice rough.

"Where's Jake?"

He could hear in her voice that she knew the answer, but wanted him to tell her differently.

He couldn't.

"With the Marshals." Gibbs grabbed one of her hands and brought it to his lips, kissing the skin delicately. "Tony found a cousin. They are going to transfer custody tomorrow."

Tears sprung up in her eyes. "Wh-why so soon?"

"Because that's the way it has to be, Kate. With our cover blown and relatives found, there's no legal standing to leave him in our custody."

She licked her lips and barely held back tears. "I need to see him."

He nodded. "Marshals have agreed to a meeting when you are well enough, Jake's been asking for you, too."

"He's got to be so confused and scared."

He reached out and wiped a tear that had escaped off her cheek. "He understands more than you think, Kate."

"Can't I see him sooner?" He looked at her dubiously. "Please, Gibbs. Please."

He could see the desperation in her face. "I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you," she said, and yawned.

"Get some rest, Kate, and you'll get out of here faster."

She nodded and closed her eyes. Once Gibbs was sure she was deep into sleep, he stood up and went into the hall, making a call.

He could sense her starting to slip into a depression, stuck in a hospital bed for at least another day, unable to see Jake and Gibbs was gone more often now constantly in debriefings. Yesterday the Marshals had come into her hospital room and spoke to her, but only to get her version of events from a few nights ago. They refused to answer her questions about Jake, only saying he was being taken care of and she needn't worry.

Gibbs was standing in the hall when he heard the small voice call out his name.

"Gibbs!"

He turned and saw Jake running down the hallway to him. In seconds, the boy's body slammed into his and Gibbs pulled him up into his arms.

"Hey, little man." Gibbs ruffled his hair lightly. "How are you doing with the Marshals? They treating you ok?"

"Yeah. It's weird without you and Kate, but Janine and Steven are ok."

"Good…" Gibbs seemed at a loss what to say next, but Jake spoke for him.

"It's ok, Gibbs. I know I have to live with them now."

"I don't think it's all bad. You don't have to remember a different name and the Martins really want you to come stay with them."

"I'll miss you and Kate…"

"We are gonna miss you too, buddy, but I think we might be able to come and visit sometime."

Jake broke out in a grin. "Good."

"You want to see Kate? She's doesn't know you are here, so it's a surprise."

His eyes lit up. "I love surprises."

Holding Jake's hand, Gibbs pushed opened Kate's door. She was staring out the window, lost in thought.

"Kate, I've got a visitor for you."

"If it's Tony again…" she started, but turned around. Surprise registered on her face as she laid eyes on Jake. "Jake!"

"Hey, Kate!" he squealed and pulled away from Gibbs' grasp, launching himself onto her bed.

"Jake…" Gibbs chided. "Remember we talked about being careful."

But it was too late; by the time he got the words out, Jake had her in a tight hug and Kate had tears of joy sliding down her face.

"He's fine," she whispered and held him just as tightly.

When they finally pulled apart, Jake eyed Kate critically. "I thought you were dead, too…"

"I'm fine. Tomorrow they might even let me out of here so I can go home."

At the mention of home, Jake hung his head. "I'm not going to live with you anymore."

She bit her lip. "I know, but I hear your cousins are nice people who really want you to come stay with them. They have another little boy your age, so you'll have someone to play with."

He nodded slowly. "I wanted to stay with you, Kate."

Gibbs could see she was struggling not to cry as she spoke. "I wanted you to live with me too, Jake. But sometimes things don't work out the way we want. Sometimes we have to do things that are hard even if we don't want to, because it's best for everyone. Do you understand?"

"Yeah…"

"Good. That doesn't mean I can't come visit sometimes, if you think that would be ok?"

His face brightened. "Yes!" He paused a second. "That's if Janine and Steve say it's ok…" He leaned into her and whispered in her ear. "I'll make sure it is."

She smiled and nodded.

They visited for a while longer before the Marshals cut it short; they needed to head back to DC where Jake would pack up his life and move onto yet another, but more stable, one.

As she gave Jake one last hug, she whispered in his ear. "You be good for Janine and Steve, ok? I'll come visit as soon as I can."

He pulled away and looked at her with an expression that was beyond his 7 years of age. "I'll be ok, Kate. You made it safe."

She pursed her lips and gave him a nod as the Marshal led him out of the room by the hand. At the last second he turned and gave her a small wave. She returned it and spoke to Gibbs.

"Thank you."

He sat on the edge of her bed, playing with the fingers of her left hand, the IV long gone. "You're welcome."

Suddenly the flow of tears started and she cried silently. Gibbs slid up the bed and turned, pulling her gently into his arms, holding her as she let it out.

"I'm sorry, Kate. So sorry…"

She didn't speak; instead she brought up one small fist and gripped onto his shirt like it was the only thing keeping her on earth as the silent sobs became vocal ones.

For nearly 20 minutes they sat like that, Gibbs occasionally pulling his fingers through her hair and whispering words.

"I was ready to take him, Gibbs. Permanently."

He had a feeling. "I know. It's going to be hard not having him around."

She sniffled. "Worse than that…it's going to be impossible."

He didn't say anything, just held her a little tighter.

After 6 days, Kate was released. Gibbs had already packed all their personal items and shipped some things back to his house, while the rest were in the back of the SVU. He saw no need to go back to the condo; Natalie had come to visit Kate in the hospital and the older woman, while shocked to hear the story, understood and promised to keep in touch.

The doctors had cleared Kate to make the short drive back to DC if they stopped often and she was conscientious about taking her medications. So at noon on Wednesday he entered her room to find her struggling to button up her shirt.

Without a word he walked over and finished the last couple for her, giving her a gentle kiss as he did.

"Ready?"

She nodded. "As I can be."

"You're going to stay with me when we get home," he stated as he helped her into a coat.

"Presumptuous, aren't we?" she joked lightly. It was the first semblance of humor he had heard from her in nearly a week.

"Well, doctor said you needed someone to keep an eye on you, plus the Marshals had to release your apartment; all your stuff is in storage right now."

"Lovely."

"Is it really so bad, living with me, Kate?"

"Not in the least." She smiled and he led her out of the room.

"How you doing?" he asked her for what seemed like the twentieth time in 5 hours.

"Fine, Gibbs. I'll let you know if I need to stop."

She had been uncharacteristically quiet the entire ride, and he had an inkling what was on her mind.

"I'm sure he's fine."

She gave him a small smile. "You know me so well. It's just…I miss him already."

He reached across the car and grabbed her hand, squeezing. "I do too, Kate. But he's in a good place with people who love him, and can give him a stable life…"

"I love him," she whispered.

He had no answer to that.

In a few days, Gibbs was back to work, leaving Kate at his house alone until she was cleared to return to desk duty 2 weeks later. Neither mentioned to anyone where she was staying; they all just assumed she had rented another apartment. There had been little adapting to living together, but otherwise they just continued from before with a few minor adjustments.

Gibbs had been worried about her for those two weeks. She was withdrawn, sullen and prone to fits of anger – something he had rarely seen in her before and never directed at him. He was hoping with her return to work, she would return to the Kate he remembered: a fireball, lively and fun.

It didn't happen; another week passed by with her being uncommunicative at work, Abby, Ducky and Tony had all raised concerns about her behavior to him separately. She seemed to despise the desk work she was forced to do, but never vocalized her feelings.

The only reason it never went to the director was because Gibbs stopped it first. Morrow would have forced Kate into medical leave and insisted she see a psychiatrist. Gibbs knew forcing wouldn't help, and while initially he thought she would snap out of it, she wasn't showing signs of doing so.

While they slept in the same bed, they hadn't had sex since New York despite the fact there were no physical limitations now. She couldn't even seem to stand for him to touch her. It came to an impasse one Thursday night; she was cooking dinner, quietly of course, and he came into the kitchen, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Hey…" he whispered into her ear.

She tried to pull away, but this time he didn't let her, increasing his grip instead.

"Gibbs…" Her voice held a tone of warning, which he ignored.

"Kate." He pulled her tighter to his chest. "Talk to me."

She ignored him in return and started wiggling, but he didn't relent. "Gibbs, god damn it, let me go!"

"No! You haven't let me touch you in weeks. You don't talk to me. I want to know what is going on."

"Nothing, and I don't appreciate being held hostage and forced to talk."

Suddenly he released her and she spun around, giving him a nasty look. He took a step toward her, trapping her between the counter and his body.

His tone, despite his body language, was soft and gentle. "You are starting to scare me, Kate; you aren't the same person I was with in New York. You're starting to turn into me."

She looked down. "I'm just…trying to deal with everything, ok?"

"You can't deal with it if you don't TALK about it, Kate. You can't work through this on your own. I want to help you."

She gave him a steely glare, but behind it Gibbs could see a woman that was hurting badly. "I'm done talking. I've talked to the FBI and Director Morrow and the Marshals…."

"I want you to talk to me."

"About what, exactly?"

"Jake."

Instantly her face fell and she bit her lower lip. "I'd rather not."

"Yes, Kate. You got so attached to him, and then…he was just gone. That's hard on a person, especially you."

"Especially me? What, I'm unstable now?"

He physically backed off her slightly. "That's not what I mean and you know it. You are an amazingly emotional woman, Kate. It's part of the reason I…." He paused; he didn't want to tell her this way. "I'm falling in love with you. And it serves you well, but right now I think it's doing more harm than good. You need to talk about it…about him. You need release."

She was sniffling now, her eyes still down. "It's so hard without him." Her voice was quite even in the silent room.

He closed the gap between them, putting one hand on her shoulder, lightly stroking her clavicle. She didn't move, but at least she didn't pull away.

"I know it is. I miss him too, Kate. But you should be talking about it, not holding everything in, because eventually you wont be able to contain it, and the aftermath is never pretty – trust me." He paused a moment. "Maybe I'm the wrong person here I'm not exactly known for my communication skills. Would you be more comfortable with Dr. Barren?"

Kate looked up into his eyes; he could sense her decision and it didn't upset him. "Maybe, yeah."

"Then I think you should."

"Are you going to leave me on the desk longer?"

He had never been anything less than honest with her. "That'll depend on you, Kate. The way you've been acting, I'd say yes, but we'll see after you talk to Barren."

She sighed. "Fair enough. I'm sorry, Gibbs. I'm sorry for the way I've acted at work…and at home. You've been…surprisingly patient."

"I'm not a bastard all the time, Kate." He pulled her into a tight hug, which she accepted and reciprocated with equal force.

"I know…" she whispered into his shoulder.

They stood like that an eternity, and somehow they both knew everything would be ok, eventually.

Fin

"When Im Gone" is copywrited material.


End file.
